UnNews:Israel approves of acquisition of Palestine

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17 May 2024

A portrait of both Bibi and Bezos. Some say they were K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

JERUSALEM, Israel - Benjamin Netanyahu, the Prime Minister of Israel, has just approved a resolution by Amazon, which would allow Israel to have a 50% stake in Palestine. This would enable the Israeli government to earn billions from the slave labor of refugees, greatly boosting nationalism and improving Israel's perception in the global economy. The deal was approved just two days after Amazon had acquired Palestine, sparking rumors that Jeff Bezos was secretly coordinating with Bibi all this time.

These rumors were further compounded when several leaders of the coalition which opposed the acquisition of Palestine were kidnapped and sent to Silicon Valley. When they were finally founded a few hours ago, they were traumatized, stating that as punishment, they were chained up and forced to listen to libertarian cryptobros rant on about Web 3.0 and ChatGPT.

Homeless people, who according to Homeland Security, are "icky, wicky Muslims"

Netanyahu denied the allegations, stating that those who stated them were just "bastards who are conspiring against me, just like Biden and Gallant!" He has also petitioned the Republican Party to try to depose Biden, but they are still bitter over Jan 6, seeking to not do what Trump says and sticking to plain old voter fraud.

Meanwhile, Democrats are still protesting the war, choosing to buy pro-Palestine metch from Amazon.[1] and are now seeking to show their support via TikTok. Sadly, when TikTokers finally begin realizing that challenge videos get way more views than war information, these protests will rapidly decline, becoming non-existent in just a week.

  1. I don't think I need to tell you how hypocritical that is.

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