UnNews:Islamic Jihad sick of being ignored
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31 July 2006
HEBRON, PALESTINIAN AUTHORITY: Palestinian Islamic Jihad Movement leader Sheikh Abdullah Ramadan Shallah is getting pretty pissed that the West is ignoring him, intelligence reports claim. Islamic Jihad, also known as "that one Islamic terrorist organization that isn't in iRaq, isn't hiding out along the Afghan-Pakistani border, wasn't elected to a position of power in Palestine, and isn't firing crap at Haifa and Nazareth," hasn't done anything cool since a suicide bombing attack on a Tel Aviv falafel stand on April 17 which left 11 civilians dead and destroyed nearly a ton of the noxious toxin falafel, which the IDF was preparing to use on civilians in the Gaza Strip.
"Everybody, even the Zionist Occupation Government, is always saying 'Hamas is so bad for this' or 'Hezbollah did so-and-so', and it's really getting to me," Sheikh Abdullah uttered while doing paperwork authorizing martyrdoms. "I mean, most Israelis are more scared of the more moderate Fatah movement than they are of me. Not even France is trying to negotiate with us. We're just sick of being left out of the international community."
This news comes just after Israel vowed to quit blowing the sh*t out of Lebanese civilians for two days after they killed 56 civilians in a small town which they coincidentally massacred in 1996. Israel has denied that the anniversary had anything to do with it.
Whatever happens, it is generally believed that Islamic Jihad will destroy the vast majority of central and southern Israeli homes in the next week or so. His advice to Israeli Arabs was "drink lots of coffee and get into the Gaza Strip or the West Bank as fast as you can."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Jimbo Wales "Merciful Allah demands retribution!" Wikipedia, July 31, 2006
- Yasir Arafat "Israel is, more or less, screwed big time" Al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigade, July 31, 2006