UnNews:Greeks can't afford interest payments, leave keys in letterbox

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4 January 2011

Greece can't even afford a new coat of paint for this decrepit building.

ATHENS, Greece -- The people of Greece have decided to abandon their country after a back-of-the-envelope calculation showed them that they owed more for the country than it was worth. "For the amount of money we are paying in interest each year, we should be able to live somewhere better," said disgruntled Greek citizen, Demetrios Bouboulis.

Greeks have agreed that, instead of making repayments, they will simply walk away from Greece and leave the keys in the letterbox. "I think Germany owns this place now," added Bouboulis' wife Alexandra as they were packing up their home. "I'm planning to leave the taps on to flood the place when I leave. They can deal with it. I'm done with this place."

"When we first moved here, we were so excited. We always dreamed of owning our own country," said Greek President Karolos Papoulias. "Oh well, I guess in hindsight we shouldn't have spent so much on the Acropolis."

Several real estate agents are already preparing their sales pitches for the Mediterranean nation. "Foreclosure sales can be tough, but while it is very run-down, this country has a great location close to the beach," admitted an otherwise upbeat Maddy Stuyvesant, tasked with the sale of the property. "It's a real fixer-upper."

Others have suggested that the country will be hard to sell and that Germany might just choose to keep it as a summer weekender.

But Germany's Chancellor, Angela Merkel, says that she is not in favour of this plan. "It's so old that even upkeep would be very expensive," she said. "And the most valuable fixtures have been stripped by scavengers from the British Museum. Plus, our tourists generally prefer beach resorts with a thriving sex trade."

The Greek population plans to find a new place to live once it has discharged its bankruptcy. In the interim, all Greeks will be staying with relatives in Melbourne, Australia.