UnNews:Government balks at having to redesign money for the stupid

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

12 December 2006

Current version (top), proposed version for retards (bottom)

WASHINGTON - The Bush administration on Tuesday asked an appeals court to overturn a ruling that could require a redesign of the nation's currency to help people who are retarded, confused and generally too fucking stupid to figure out the denomination of a bill.

Justice Department lawyers filed the appeal with the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit on behalf of Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson.

The appeal seeks to overturn a ruling last month by U.S. District Judge James Robertson, who ordered Treasury to come up with ways for total fucking dipshits to recognize the different denominations of paper currency.

Robertson had ruled in a lawsuit brought by the American Council of Nitwits and Pea-Brains. The council proposed several options for changes, including printing less complex designs, different size bills, or changing the texture by making the bills out of different grades of sandpaper.

Jeffrey Lovitky, an attorney for the council, said he planned to petition the appeals court to reject the appeal until Robertson makes a decision on what remedies the government should pursue. A hearing to hear the government's recommendations is scheduled for next month.