UnNews:Clown gets called on his Nazi past
|
UnNews Audio (file info) |
| Listen to this story! |
|
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
26 April 2010
DANZIG, Germany -- A renegade Roman Catholic nun has leveled charges that Ronald McDonald, figurehead of the eponymous fast food chain, was a Nazi stormtrooper during the Great War.
Sister Ana Schzmenk of St. Methuselah's parish in Danzig gave vent to her accusations in a two-page article featured in the German magazine, Der Spiegel. In it, she detailed her and others' mistreatment at the hands of the clown and his infamous "Clownsbrigade".
As a Hitler Jugend, Mr. McDonald entertained troops on the front lines. "He had the best Jewish jokes," recalls retired Obergruppenführer Max Fleisher, "and, he was an excellent lover."
McDonald was a Nazi youth until age 15, and was chosen to graduate early to study at the Reichs Clown Universität, where he gained the rank of Gruppenführer, and was charged with supervising the covert missions of as many as 200 clowns, mimes, and jokers.
He was a master of most techniques of military clowning, and even commanded an audience for Hitler on no less than 6 occasions. Until now, however, neither the McDonald's Corporation nor the public knew of his sinister side as a war criminal.
Sister Schzmenk has produced incontrovertible documentary evidence of McDonald's use of puns to demoralize and break prisoners of war, an action specifically prohibited by the Geneva Convention as inhumane. She plans to introduce this and other evidence in the form of eyewitnesses next month at McDonald's trial at the Hague.
