UnNews:Biden apologizes for forgetting about Ukraine
Friday, June 7, 2024
WASHINGTON, D.C., MARYLAND
In a public statement a few hours ago, Joe Biden, President of the United States has publicly apologized to Volodymyr Zelenskyy for forgetting about the ongoing Russian invasion of Ukraine. Due to being exclusively focused on his ice cream collection beginning at New Year's Day, he forgot to propose the law to Congress which would send aid to Ukraine. This forced Ukrainian soldiers to have to resort to use the few potatoes they had to throw at Russian soldiers.
Contrary to what you may think, the Russians were so sick of the war that they actually surrendered most of the time, making Putin really angry. As a result, several thousand graves were brought back to life by state-owned necromancers to fight in the war. This caused Ukraine to suffer some territorial losses, triggering Zelenskyy to call Biden for weapons. Sadly, Biden had made it so that for anyone to even send him a letter, over 400 people would have to see it before it was given to him. Even then, he wouldn't even be there to receive it, causing the people responsible for monitoring his letters to just dispose of it.
This new aid will primarily be sent to weapon manufacturers, exclusively to please lobbying congressman. A small minority (2%) is expected to be used for the aid Ukraine desperately needs, staving off Zelenskyy's concerns for a month. The next time Zelenskyy comes back, the White House will directly send their agents to give him money.