UnNews:BP: Oil spill looks "jes' fine"

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
(UnNews Audio) (file info)
Listen to this story!

23 April 2010

BP scientists believe black will serve as unique protective coloration for the affected waterfowl.

LONDON, England -- BP PLC declared today that it does not intend to clean up the recent oil spill caused when an oil rig it was leasing exploded in the Gulf of Mexico.

BP on Friday said it had "activated an extensive oil spill response," involving 32 sea-going vessels, and at least as many public-relations professionals to spin the environmental disaster as a healthy release of organic nutrients into the Gulf.

BP Chief Executive Tony Hayward said the company will do "everything in our power to contain this." He says the company can call on more resources if needed.

Ed Overton, an environmental sciences professor, expects the light crude oil to turn into a pasty mess called a "chocolate mousse." "That's the technical term," he said. "Wildlife find it tasty."

"It's going to be a god-awful mess for a while," he said. "But, what can you do? If you send silverware and napkins into the region, the pelicans won't use them."

Mr. Hayward noted that Exxon argued, in the wake of the Valdez oil spill, that within ten years, nature would remove all visible effects of the spill. In the meantime, he advises locals to "enjoy the plentiful supply of Blackened seafood, which is a Creole specialty."