Tundra Force X3 Sheer Wallop
“I’VE BEEN DRIVING THIS THING FOR SIXTY-TWO HOURS STRAIGHT AND I FEEL PUUUMPED!”
“Five-point navigation, niggah!”
The Tundra Force X3 Sheer Wallop is a heavy-duty pickup truck, part of Ford's BIG MOTHERFUCKING TRUCKS series. It will. Kick. Your. Ass. Without doubt the most bad-ass vehicle out there, this truck dwarfs the competition with 48 fully-armored solid steel tires and a harpoon gun mounted on the cab. (This is what Chuck Norris drives. If. He. Wants.)
New features[edit | edit source]
With the Tundra, unlike its predecessors, Ford decided to up the ante and disregard all conventional safety guidelines. On the highway, the Tundra Force X3 Sheer Wallop will beat the living crap out of any car that gets near it. Its sturdy, 50'x40' rear bed quite easily takes up the entire width of an eight-lane highway and juts out well into the surrounding wilderness, crushing everything within a 560-foot radius. On the up side, it can safely shelter you and your family within its three-foot-thick solid lead walls.
And as for heavy work, oh can this car handle it! Not only is its bed irresponsibly and dangerously huge, the Tundra's frame – a network of girders and struts made of titanium-manganese alloy, floating in a cryogenic liquid preserver – can bear up to 950 tons of cargo, perfect for any agricultural or construction work, or for just plain being an asshole. Ain't that handy? Hell, it's got a space shuttle landing strip and small municipal airport in the back!
What environment?[edit | edit source]
The Tundra Force X3 Sheer Wallop takes the environment, rapes it up the ass, throws it into its V90,000 engine, and shoots it out of its awe-inspiring, septuple-pipe exhaust system! Watch with glee as the Tundra Force X3 Sheer Wallop's full-impact, crash-tested grille smashes through a cloud of hippies, or maybe a throng of protesting activists. And don't worry about getting your truck dirty with tree-hugger blood, the Tundra's NASA-certified tungsten alloy paint disintegrates all organic substances on contact! Even petrified whale bones don't stand a chance!
By the time the Tundra Force X3 gets all the way across town, the city will be left a barren wasteland devoid of all life, and the sky will look like it's been shit on by a lethargic chocolate-eating African elephant!
Beyond the road[edit | edit source]
Is there anything the Tundra Force X3 Sheer Wallop can't do? Soar to the moon, end world hunger, beat up an angry midget; with its Full-flex suspension system, the Tundra can do it all. And more! Sit back and watch as the Tundra Force X3 picks up your yard, tutors your kids in algebra, walks your dog, pays your bills, and has sex with your wife! Now it's your turn to experience the full, unbridled power of the Tundra Force X3 Sheer Wallop!
The Tundra Force X3 Sheer Wallop is now on sale at all good retailers except Walmart.