The Grapes of Wrath

“Oh I dunno. Who cares.”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Grapes of Wrath

The Grapes of Wrath is, like, literally the funniest novel of all time. It's super long, though. Like, it's four hundred pages or something around that number, I think. But it's hilarious, though. Seinfeld is, like, one of the most famous comedians of all time, and if you've never heard of him, this book and his television show Seinfeld are both great introductions to his work. He's such a funny dude.

Plot

The Grapes of Wrath begins when Tom Joad gets back from jail, and people are like "what'd you get out for, lol?" and he's like "parole, lol" and they're like "lol what'd you get in for, lol?" and he said "lol, I killed a dude" and they're like "lol."

Then Tom hitchhikes with a truck-driver, and the truck-driver's like "lol wut?" and Tom says "lol let me ride, plz?" and so the driver can't argue with that kinda logic because it was the 30's and people didn't really need reasons to do things, lol.

So Tom gets home, but upon seeing it he's all, "wow it's all destroyed, and it's all been replaced by cotton fields. lol." And then a man named Muley Graves is like "Yea, lol." and then Tom says "wow it's as if there was some great economic downturn in the country. As if something has happened to all the crops or maybe the weather or possibly the US Banks. Like, a depression.... A really BIG depression of the economic sorts... Lol." to which Muley says "Lol, I have no f**king clue what you're talking about."

So Muley and Tom meet a preacher named Casy, and Muley says, "Lol, Casy's a girl's name" and Tom says, "Lol I remember you, Casy. You were a preacher." and Casy says "Lol, I'm not a preacher anymore, lol. Had lotsa sex with Justin Williams in fields, and I cover it up by saying they had 'spirit' in them but by spirit I really just mean vagina, lol."

So the three of them go over to some other house where Tom's family actually is, and upon seeing it, Tom sees his mom and is like "Ma, lol." and Ma says "Lol it's Tom." And then Tom and Casy join the Joad family. They ask Muley if he'll join but Muley says he won't, and he explains why by saying "lol."

And so the Joad clan has become way too big for its own good, but since they're Southern and it's the 30's, no one knows what's good for them and they all leave anyway when there's like a million of them and the chances of them NOT starving within the first week of their travels is slim. Meanwhile, grampa says "Lol we're goin' to California where I'll squeeze grapes all over my face" and since Granma's senile, she says "Puh-raise god fer vittory, lol!" and doesn't mind his complete hypocrisy when he decides not to go with them. The family decides to drug him, and at this point I was all "lol," and I was ROFL'ing when they threw his unconscious body on the family Jalopy, and it was all LOLWTFBBQ for me when I found out that there used to be a car called a "Jalopy." Lol.

So basically they all go to California, and it takes like two days because they only had to cross the Bering Strait. (It was the 30's, so it was still frozen back then.) Once they get to California the family's all "Lol it's California" and then Pa's like "Lol we all made it" and Ma's like "not all of us, lol." and the family's like "Lol, what do you mean?" and then Ma's like "Granma died, lol."

Meanwhile, Pussywillow of Sharon (or as the other characters call her for short, 'Pussasharn') is pregnant, and then she's all "Lol I hate this" and then her husband's all "It's OK, lol, I'll get a job as a mechanic or something, lol." and then Pussasharn says, "I ain't gonna have no baby in no tent, lol" and then her husband, who by the way has the name "Connie," which is even more of a girl's name than Casy, says "It's OK, lol, I'll get a job as a mechanic or something, lol." and then Pussasharn gets PMS and says stuff that makes Connie storm off and never come back, and then Pussasharn's all, "Lol my husband left me."

So at this point they've gotten to Hooverville, which is a big city in Northern California, and one day Casy, Tom, Pussasharn, and Uncle John (who is a crack addict) are off dancing at the local discotec and they meet a woman who is actually Carrie's Mom, and she's all, "Lol, Pussasharn, you're gonna lose your baby because you're dancing too much." and then Pussasharn is all "ORLY?" and Carrie's Mom says, "Yea, and the lord doesn't like this and that and bla bla bla bla bla bla lord jesus christ bla bla bla bla bla dead and bloody babies bla bla bla bla bla bla Grapes of Wrath bla bla bla lol." and so Pussasharn gets all freaked out and cries to Ma, who's all "Lol, your baby will be fine despite the fact that you're starving to death, lol." and then Ma proceeds to tell Carrie's Mom to get the f**k off her lawn.

So later Uncle John sleeps with Carrie's Mom but she leaves him because of his constant whining about how he "accidentally" killed his last wife by "accidentally" smothering her to death with a "pillow," and the constant snorting of crack gets on her nerves too, so she decides to cast a spell on all the members of the family and then leaves to the mystical land of Alaska where she changes her name to Sarah Palin.

Later in the book, a fight breaks out and the police are like "I'm gonna shoot randomly, lol" and they shoot some woman's fingers off, and she's all "lol, ow" and the police are like "lol, meant to do that." and they arrest Casy for no reason. Pussasharn continues to not eat, and meanwhile the family gets a stable job in picking oranges, where Winfield gets the skitters, which is something I asked my English teacher about and she said it's diahrrea and I'm like "ew!" and she's like "lol." But more on the story. Winfield dies of diahrrea, which is a death funnier than Connie's name, but it's OK because Ma's all "Its' OK, lol, didn't like 'im anyway."

So then they continue, and more of them die, and then Pussasharn has her baby but it turns out to be a zombie, so they decide to put it in a box of apples and sell it at the open market. Soon after, Tom decides that this sucks and so he leaves the Joad family to pursue a career in acting, since that's where all the communists were at the time, because it was the 30's. A great flood then hits, which is some metaphor for something, and it forces the rest of the Joad family into an abandoned meat-packing factory where the book ends with Pussasharn breast-feeding an old, scraggly man...lol.

Movie adaptation

The movie did a pretty good job of recreating what happened in the book. When the giraffe sex scenes came on, it had me so in stitches that I literally got kicked out of the movie theater for "disrupting the film". From what I remember there were a couple differences between the book and the movie, like how Ma is portrayed as a horrifyingly obese man in the film. Also, Pussasharn is barely even pregnant in the film, and never has her zombie-baby. Instead, the movie ends with some friggin' stupid monologue that I'm not even sure goes along with the main plot of the book. It had something to do with waterfalls and jerking off, I don't even remember. It was dumb.

Famous quotes

Wherever they's a fight so hungry people can eat, I'll be lolling. Wherever they's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be lolling. If Casy knowed, why, I'll be lolling in the way guys lol when they're mad an'—I'll be lolling in the way kids lol when they're hungry n' they know supper's ready. An' when our folks eat the stuff they raise an' live in the houses they build—why, I'll be lolling. See? God, I'm talkin' like Casy. Comes of thinkin' about him so much. Damn, he was a hottie.

- Tom Joad on Voyeurism

Says one time she went out in the wilderness to find her own pot, an' she foun' he didn't have no pot that was hers'n. Says she foun' she jus' got a little piece of pizza which was real useful for the munchies. Says a wilderness ain't no good, 'cause her little piece of a pizza wasn't no good 'less it was only hers, and there wasn't much pot, an' if there ain't no pot then she says they ain't no point.

- Pa Joad on M.I.A.'s Paper Planes

Here's the Grapes, and here's the wrath.

- Nelson Muntz on The Grapes of Wrath

Trivia

• It was this book that introduced the phrase "How Y'all Doin?" into common phraseology.

• It is a commonly known fact that The Great Depression never happened.

• There are many loose allegories to The Harry Potter Series in the novel.

• Jay Gatsby originally was cast to star as the main character in the novel, but he turned down the role due to health issues.

See also

• The Fart of War by Sun-Tzu
• The Wrath of Grapes, the second book in the trilogy.
• The Drapes of Bath, the third book in the trilogy.
• U.S. Route 66, heavily influential on the trilogy.