HowTo:Crash the economy

Awww someone's not happy that cars are cheap and eggs are expensive :( want a cookie?

TLDR: Tariffs! Big Beautiful Tariffs!

Long answer:

This HowTo is meant for people who are specifically angry with how you can't build factories anymore in the United States, or any other globally dominant country where your manufacturing is utterly decimated.

Prerequisites

1. Beat Kamabla in an election, or lose but claim that you won
2. Be the President of the United States, though (Va)China also works pretty well
3. Have a trifecta under your own party, meaning that your favorite nightclub (Not technically required but if you don't want rebellious little shits in the Senate, it might help to have a big enough majority, or make them...disappear... (Main article: Recep Tayyip Erdoğan))
4. Make sure that your Vice President is an enslaved white trash from Ohio
5. DOGE MEME WAR HAWK TUAH GYATT SKIBIDI TOILET BUY COCA COLA TO PUT THE COCAINE BACK IN SPENDING CUTS MEME TROLL NAZI SALUTE

Your favorite new T word, Type 2 Diabetes Tariffs!

Meet Type 2 Diabetes the Tariff, he will be your best friend in lashing out chaos. The Tariff is a tax that your government imposes on a specific set of stuff, or everything, coming from a single country. These will boost economic growth by making more things happen internally, wreaking havoc on supply chains and causing people to lose their jobs especially in transportation industries...but that is good! As the great prophet Muhammad's successor, you want less people making six figure wages in offices and more people breaking their backs (making health insurance and hospital bills going up) gaining an average wage of only $15 per day!

Tariff placement guide

First, start with your biggest partners. You know, Canabama (the 51st State) and HOLA SOY DORA MEXICO. Dora down there makes all of your car parts - how UN-AMERICAN. And they're drunking you up with cheap clothes and dressing your outfits with TEQUILA! (gasp). Canabama is even worse - they ar e

To make things extra spicy, accuse China of “economic treason” on Twitter (or X, whatever bullshit name that Doge Meme Lord and White Vivek Ramaswamy Elon Musk calls it now) right after slapping a 200% tariff on electronics. Now, Apple has to manufacture iPhones in that lowlife-filled state of Nebraska (wait don't call them low-lives they'll revolt). Consumers can expect their next iPhone to cost $999,999.99 (it would have been $999,998.88 anyways if it was made in China).

The worst offenders

The ABSOLUTE WORST offenders that are DESTROYING THE GLORIOUS UNITED STATES OF FREEDOM DEMOCRACY AND TRUMPISM are the TINY-ASS ISLANDS THAT ARE COMPLETELY UNINHABITED EXCEPT FOR A FEW BULLSHIT PENGUINS. Make sure to put your BIGGEST and most BRUTAL tariffs on them! THEY HARDLY DO ANYTHING for the global economy, and by not placing a tarrif on them, YOU WILL CAUSE THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD. The ONLY WAY TO MAKE AMERICA THE GREATEST FUCKING NATION ON THE PLANET IS BY TARIFFING, NUKING, AND REBUILDING THOSE DAMN UNINHABITED REMOTE PENGUIN-FILLED ISLANDS! MAGA MAGA MAGA!

Wait...i think we're talking about Hamas...

Extra bonus things that you can do to piss even MORE people ofg

• Rename the Gulf of America back to the Gulf of Mexico
• Storm the Capitol - a second time!
• Kai Cenat Livvy Dunne went Baby Gronk Style
• SKIBIDI TOILET OHIO GYATT RIZZ SIGMA Whoops! Looks like my little brother got access to my computer. That's a shame.

Evidence of Excellence

If this bald dude makes a 25-hour fucking speech against you, you've probably crashed the economy.

If anyone asks for five things that you did last week, to prove your success in crashing the economy, consider some form of these five things in your report to the Board of Directors:

1. The Dow Jones is down ten percent in a single day and 16% in your first 75 days in office! The S&P 500 is utterly destroyed, and likewise with the Nasdaq!
2. Some weird negro senator from The New Jersey Hoax (eww disgusting) made a 25 hour speech whining about you - and he probably pissed his pants.
3. You've started a trade war with your closest allies! How fun! As retaliation, they are placing their own tariffs on your own goods. They're cutting electricity as well to some of your northern kingly dominions...i mean STATES...and they also are
4. Uhhhh....meow??
5. Kamabla was right all along!