Talk:France/archive1
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What is really about surrender?
The article is fun, but criticism about the french surrendering habits comes over and over again. Is that only about world war II (which would be ok to laugh about), or about the 2003 refusal to go to Irak? I think these recent events were in the mind of the author when he wrote the article.
Again, making fun of the 1940 debacle is alright. The french military forces have always been stupid in Europe and brutal in their colonies during the twentieth century.
But to me, this insistence on war really sounds like and reminds me of the anti-french propaganda following their refusal to go to Irak. And repeating the political bullshit is just pure stupidity, not funny stupidity.
French Jokes
Why are there boulevards in Paris? So that the Germans could march in the shade.
Who is the main sponsor of the French Army? Nike running shoes.
Sex positions:
Russian: open legs
Italian: open mouth
French: raised hands
What does a Frenchmen do when he sees a group of German soldiers? He gives directions to Paris.
THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL
THE SCARLET PIMPERNEL IS NOT A FRENCH HERO. The Scarlet Pimpernel is a fictitious BRITISH hero, who was feared by the French during their revolution, because he went about saving aristocrats right under revolutionary noses. Sir Percy Blakeny (his real name) is a suave British gent. PLEASE have him removed from the "French Hero" section. Look it up... its a pretty famous classic.
- Yeah, I added that. Look at the other "French" heroes. All of them are foreigners; it's part of the joke. -BaronGrackle 00:35, 16 February 2007 (UTC)
Coneheads?
Aren't Dan Akroyd, Jane Curtin, and those other Coneheads from France? That's got to be mentioned! -Amit
Mikhail Maslyuk
noticed the Mikhail Maslyuk quote there. what the hell is all this Mikhail Maslyuk quotage going on? i know the guy in real life (we call him a Chernobyl baby since he's from russia). he googled his name and found an uncyclopedia article and billions of Mikhail Maslyuk quotes. he doesn't know who started it either :s
This is not a funny article. It's just hate and made-up history by some teenagers... I'm not French btw...
I THOUGHT FRANCE IS A GERMAN COLONY!?
WE REALLY NEED TO SPICE UP THIS PAGE!!!
I mean, its FRANCE for god's sake!
WTF is this piece of shit? WE want the FRENCH TERROR ALERT SYSTEM BACK. IT WAS a true masterpiece! (and I'm completely independent of parliamentary politics)
STOP GETTING RID OF MY NAZI FLAG AND PRETENDING THAT WWII NEVER HAPPENED! PiOfFive
Hey, we should try to stick that in somewhere...
- I know of one place ! Place it on some kittens
SORTEZ MOI DE LA !!!
French, on France
France is full of "cowards"...that's why we ran away in every war, we were the only allied "power" to have lost! At least France came close to surrendering to a whole continent (US failed miserably)
Flag
Should there be a border around the flag? Flatface 08:46, 28 January 2006 (UTC)
- If you care to add it, yes. --Megus 18:30, 16 April 2006 (UTC)
- No. It is a white flag, the SAME flag used to surrender to enemy forces.
Eventually, the white flag could be presented as their more unofficial standard/ensign--Thandruin 14:51, 3 June 2007 (UTC)
- Doesn't the white flag look like the fleur de lis flag before the Franch Revolution?
I replaced the Flag with something that looks a bit more interesting, and less of the standard "HAHAHAHA FRANCE" type comedy.--Deerwalk 23:30, 7 April 2007 (UTC)
Poor article
Excuse me, i am french and i don't think this article is funny. I mean, i expect from you british some british humour (?), which i think is more spohisticated. Ah no sorry someone just told me about Benny Hill ... This article s hould be like this uncyclopedia."Be funny and not just stupid." exemple : "WE REALLY NEED TO SPICE UP THIS PAGE!!! I mean, its FRANCE for god's sake!"
OOOO, Look at me I am from France, and "le tired" of getting made fun of by countries with a MILITARY and not an "official guard of the white flag" Ps. put that in the article.
On voudrait qqch de plus élaboré!
A better documented content about french politics and economics would be welcomed. Being a French, I found this article mostly based on the "Cheese eater surrender monkey" cliché. There were several things which bring closer to reality : 2005 November riots, Nicolas Sarkosy le hongrois de Chine who is inventing "la France d'après" (Or after-France, c'est vous qui voyez ;) ), the Clémenceau, 2003 heatwave, Unemployment, avian flu, etc... Also, in World War 1 , French army officers occur to them a great military idea ; strike where the enemy is waiting for his enemy! French Officers were endowed with a quick strategical thinking. It only tooks 2 years to think that "Trench warfare iz ghey". Waow. And 1 year to kill their own soldier "for example". ;) And remember in 1940, who did leave France because zee german use cheat code "Blitzkrieg" and "Invade Belgium"? The "tea drinking surrender rosbif" army, off course. ;)
- I agree - this article needs some powerful rewriting by some people who actually know anything about France to remove all the "LOL ITS FRANEC" jokes and actually make some funny. --Earin 13:48, 2 May 2006 (UTC)
- What about the wine drinking? You can't forget that! Cheese-eating, wine-sniffing, surrender monkeys! Go France!
- Really, yeah, it could certainly do with a bit of TLC. Sadly, I can't parody on France as well as the French could parody France.
18:14, 13 July 2006 (UTC)
- I took a look at the Désencyclopédie page on France - it may be a valuable source of inspiration, but alas, most of the jokes are obviously more funny if you live there. :) --Earin 16:17, 15 July 2006 (UTC)
Terror Alert
Why is the terror-alert system up twice? --Lunne 13:29, 3 May 2006 (UTC)
Smell
When I took a shit, someone in the next stall said it smells like France. The current French flag is the same flag used to surrender to enemy forces.
Common Agricultural Policy
Surely France's largest import is the oil seed RAPE that is the Common Agricultural Policy?
Original Jokes please
Some original jokes would be nice, rather than the old tired french military victories, freedom fries, and surrender thingies.
Here's one:
France National Anthem: Run to the Hills by Iron Maiden
Here's another:
Drop your underwear, bend over, place French flag, which is white in color, in your asshole.
And another
Q:Whats the difference between a frenchman and toast
A:You can make soldiers out of toast
Q:Whats the shorted book ever wrote
A:French war heroes
Is it true ?
"Going to war without France is like going hunting without your lawyer. "
- Dick Cheney on France
Has he really said that ? If it's true it's really funny because he really needs a lawyer when he hunts and shot the others, lol...
wow, that was a really sad joke.
French Revolution Lost, to the Germans. Again.
Joke ?
"# 1/4 people in France have at least one grandparent who was born outside France. "
true or not, it's not a joke... Or I don't understand the jokes of the American people (a 100% foreign people except the few american indians) °o°
France From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia. République Exceptionnellement Française de France Française French Republic Flag of France Image:France coa.gif (Flag of France)
(Emblem of France)
Official languages Anything but English, apparently.
Motto "Du vin, du pain, du bourçin."
Capital F (formerly Paris, formerly Bombay, City of Love)
Ethnic Groups Extremely French People from French France: 57%
Ethnic Lesbians: 22.5%
Angry North Africans: 15%
English holiday-home owners: 5%
Oprah: 0.5%
Alcoholics: yes
Major Exports cheese, wine, cheese boards, wine racks, whining, Le Car, statues of Liberty, Astérix comics, Lance Armstrong, obscure and overdramatic porn movies.
King of France Jerry Lewis
President The AI in the Eiffel Tower
Prime Minister Jacques Chirac
Established Following the Napoleonic Wars, when Napoleon Bonaparte lost a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to Lord Wellington.
Currency The French Franc
Opening hours "Just take what you want and go!"
National anthem "General Hill's March" by Randy Newman
edit
"Of course we're not going to France! It's incredibly dangerous!"
~ Edmund Blackadder on France
"HA!"
~ English on French
"Euhhh... Collège Bobée..."
~ French on Everything
"Going to war without France is like going hunting without your lawyer. "
- Dick Cheney on France
"They start the day with chocolate bread. It's only going to go downhill from there."
~ Dylan Moran on The French
"Je ne give a damn pas about le francais. "
- John Knowles on France
"Si tu crois que je suis moi, alors je suis toi"
~ Phil Osophy on the French Revolution
France (shown actual size)
Enlarge
France (shown actual size)
La France (from the Latin term for "the France") is a county of the former Romaine Empire, , known for its Freedom fries, Freedom toast, and Freedom snails. Formerly known as "Freedomland", it was changed to France by act of Parliament. By this time, however, Freedom Food was well known across the world, so the names stuck.
The French are a simple people who enjoy fine wine and good food while they murder you. Still think the French are weak! Try having a French goon turn your nuts into earings and your sack hairs into dental floss- Adolf Hitler
France was found tied to a large outcrop of Alpine mountains at the end of the English Channel. Founded by the vertically-challenged psychopath Napoléon Bonaparte, France nevertheless grew into the tall and muscular nation it is today. The French are renowned for fermenting excellent cheese, brewing fine wines, and hurling sarcastic retorts at the British. The primary industry of France is fine whine production, coupled with the energy industry, powered by burning automobiles that have been left unattended for over 30 seconds.
France has also been known throughout history for being blamed any time another country screwed over and didn't bother presenting apologies. See 2003. Contents [hide]
* 1 Fast Facts
* 2 French Cities
* 3 Military History
* 4 French Military Tactics
* 5 French List
* 6 Tourist Tips
* 7 French contributions to the World
o 7.1 Historical Contributions
o 7.2 French Cinema
o 7.3 French kissing
* 8 Fun Facts about France
* 9 See also
Fast Facts Mon Bloody Dieu: Parisians receive final confirmation of their nation’s inferiority to Great Britain as their Olympic bid fails for the XIVth time. Mon Bloody Dieu: Parisians receive final confirmation of their nation’s inferiority to Great Britain as their Olympic bid fails for the XIVth time.
* Capital: Bombay, City of Love. The capital used to be Paris up until 1995, when about 100,000 Norwegian Space Otters were enraged by a misplaced comment and ate the city. C'est la vie, n'est-ce pas? * Population: 8-12 billion, depending on local humidity and egg sac hatch rates. * Motto: Libertay, Egalitay, fraternitay! (English: "Cheese, Wine, More Cheese!") * Total Area: 1.5 million sq. feet. * Area covered by vineyards: 4.5 million sq. feet. * Currency: Brie (100 cannon-berts = 1 brie) * Ethnic Groups: Ethnic Lesbians 2.5%, Angry North Africans 20%, English holiday-home owners 10%, Oprah 0.1% - 0.5%, Alcoholics 69x1069%. * Government: Military dictatorship under the rule of President-for-Life Eiffel Tower: see "Politics" * Legal System: Laws are enforced by the president's baton-happy gendarmes. Effectiveness is variable, depending on the amount of Algerians living within France at the time. * Language: Usually the language that is spoken by the invading country. and/or le "racaille", an underbreed of french without all the stupid grammar. Reports have been made of "real" french still being spoken in some isolated rich neighboorhoods of Paris. The * Life Expectancy: Dependent on ability to evade gendarmes, power stations and Germans. * Imports: berets, onions, Pretentious Coffee, fish and chips, Lance Armstrong, Germans, English currency, African football-players. * Exports: cheese, wine, cheese boards, wine racks, cheese cloth, wine openers, cheese knives, wine glasses, arrogance, Le Car, statues of Liberty, Astérix comics, Lance Armstrong, Fags (cigarettes), obscure and overdramatic porn movies with voice-overdubs, nuclear waste, young ethnic african soccerball players (mainly to Arsenal FC), Hatred for America, and cheap food , subsidised by England and weapons (of all forms) to the arabs. * National Sports: Smoking, Non-Smoking, Retortion, Peasantry,Militant industrial action, Strikes and Downtown trafficstopping tractorparking. * Twinned With: Brazil, Abdul_Alhazred * Biggest Industry: Being on strike. This is followed closely by reporcessing post offices.
French Cities
* One of France's major cities is Saxony, a source of untold Sexy violence and smooth jazz. * I know a guy from Saxony-Anhalt, but you must not pronounce the "h". This is très sublime. * France's capital is F. Before it was Versailles, but thats not a letter. * Due to an EU pact, every fifty years Strasbourg technically becomes French. * Detroit was French, until people in Detroit got sick of Strasbourg raiding its cabinet for food late at night and paid one of the robots to carry it to America. * The smallest city of France is La Ville Sous La Mont, a subterranean estate where the Eiffel Tower's Human Assistants plot in secret against it, in perpetuity.
Military History The French Terror Alert System (FTAS) uses colours as an easy way to indicate the appropriate level of capitulation French citizens should offer to invading armies. Instaured in eary 2003, right before George W. Bush offered an entire country to Al Quaeda. Enlarge The French Terror Alert System (FTAS) uses colours as an easy way to indicate the appropriate level of capitulation French citizens should offer to invading armies. Instaured in eary 2003, right before George W. Bush offered an entire country to Al Quaeda.
"Hmm, I think I'll take that one. -Bill O'Reilly , also known as Adolf Hitler
See: French military victories , American military victories
Based on their Algerian experience, the French correctly warned the US of A. in 2003 of what would happen if they invaded Iraq. Since then, it is customary to make jokes about French military history. "Sometimes, only humour can heal war wounds" Dick Cheney
(Side note to this section: Despite their history, the French in 1989 made a country-wide effort to put their military abilty together in one man, named Jean-Luc Picard. He was the only excellent strategist France has ever produced, although since he serves for the Americans, he does not break any of the three fundamental rules of French warfare. Apparently, he did not take part in the "Iraqi Freedom" debacle.)
The Arche de triumphe was constructed for french armies to march through after succeding in battle, only 2 armies ever have marched through it:
* Napoleon's * Hitler's
Gallic Wars Retreated and Lost. Except for one little village to the north, the country is occupied for many years.
Hundred Years War Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who during a retreat inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "You do not talk about Fight Club." She was sainted.
Italian WarsLost. France accidentally retreats in the wrong direction and surrenders therefore becoming the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian WarLost, but claimed as a retreating tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
War of the Frogs One of the few wars France have partially won (to the dismay of edible frogs).
War of the Spanish Succession Retreated and Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
American RevolutionIn a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though all they did was retreat before even engaging the enemy and let the English colonists see nearly all of the action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "You do NOT talk about Fight Club!"
French Revolution Won, mostly because the opponent was also French, and retreated first.
Napoleonic WarsSurrendered to a retreating force. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
Franco-Prussian WarLost. “Emperor” Napoleon III throws a temper tantrum over a Prussian prince being offered the Spanish throne, declares war on Germany. Had a regular army against an army of conscripts so they could surrender more pompously. The French Emperor himself monitored and participated in the surrender process. Offered some territory as a gift and graciously invited the first German Emperor to be crowned in France to avoid losing more. Allows the Outmanned and outgunned Germans to first start playing the role of drunken frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
Siege of Paris: Under Prusso-Germanic siege, citizens of Paris overthrow the new French Republic, and establish the Paris Commune which would later serve as the inspiration for Karl Marx. They thus simultaneously create communism, and the
First Rule of Parisian Warfare When the going gets tough, attack your homeland. This policy is later adopted by Communists, Islamo Fascists, and Viral Infections.
World War I Three divisions of German Sausagegruppen light armoured, lamb mounted troop enter France, to encounter 74 divisions of elite 'Les Trooper de fromage' and 105 divisions of 'garlick armée groupe' armed with the infamous 'fusil de abandon'. The german divisions, led by Kaiser Wilhelm the conqueror, are let into France through Belgium. Due to a the great white flag shortage of 1914, the French could not complete their surrender before the arrival of the British Forces. Retreating and on the way to losing, France is saved by the British. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." At the end of the war, the president of France ordered a step up in the production of white flags in an effort to speed up any future surrenders.
World War II It was at this point in history that France had lost so many wars that they started to loosen up, and really have fun with it. Refusing to lose quietly, they built the ever famed Maginot Line, whilst torturing their poor conquerors with incomprehensible poetry and mime. Their greatest weapon was, and remains to this day, French cinema. They used this horrifying deviceto great effect, effectively robbing the German forces of their will to live. This made them easy prey for the Allied Forces; Indiana Jones, Nick Fury, Captain America, Hellboy, and the Blues Brothers. How the French flag looked during the Hundred Years War Enlarge How the French flag looked during the Hundred Years War
War in Indochina Lost. Elite units of the French Foreign Legion are forced to retreat, complaining bitterly that "les gens ici sont peu amicaux et il fait chaud aussi." (people here are not very friendly and it is hot too!) After enduring the scourge of Dien Bien Flu, the French sold the war to the United States for an undisclosed sum.
Algerian Rebellion Lost. The French Foreign Legion's here marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkish Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "Shot first, shoot second, shot again, then ask questions." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, Esquimaux, Sudanese, Megatexans, and Jamaicans, as well as many others.
Cola War Lost... somehow
War on Terrorism France thinks the whole war on terror is incredibly silly. They haven't even bothered translating the words "War on Terror" into French yet. They are under the impression that George Bush is a late-night talk show host who never has any good guests, and as a matter of fact have him confused with the guy who played Sylvester Stallone's sidekick in Demolition Man. They think Sylvester Stallone is the President. The rest of the world find this quite amusing, as they know that the real president is Arnold Schwartzenegger.
Paris Riots Recently, (Late October and into Early November of 2005) Paris and some surrounding cities within France have experienced extensive rioting and looting. Many French citizens have taken to the streets and have begun to burn cars, buildings and almost anything else they can think of. It seems that the French hate the Americans so much that they hate their allies as well, and thereby hate themselves. Calls for military involvement in order to quash the rebellious rioters have been answered with statments such as "What military?" from president Jacques Chirac, and "Those people must be part of the Iraqi insurgency" from the american secretary of defense.
War Against Greenpeace: Lost. Greenpeace attack dingy “Rainbow Warrior” prepares to sail for Moruroa Atoll for a major campaign against French nuclear testing. Greenpeace forces board a French battleship and wreak havoc on the unsuspecting frog military. Two agents of the French secret service bomb and sink the boat. I tree-hugger sans tree drowns. Six weeks later agents Prieur and Mafart plead guilty to charges of manslaughter and willful damage. They get sentences of 10 years and 7 years. French Prime Minister Fabius admits to state terrorism on TV. This marks not only the first military success of Greenpeace, but the first time any country has managed to get its ass kicked and look like the bad guy at the same time.
"They think WE French are sissies...they call US waids and whoopsies and big girls' blouses..."
~ Oscâr De La Wildè - French cousin of the famous English Wilde-boy
French Military Tactics
The only tactic known by the French is the use of lines of defense.
Isn't so great, when your flank on Belgium is always exposed....
French List
There are so many lists about France, that it has become a custom in anything about France, to make a dousen of superfluous lists, just so that there are enough lists.
* Frog * Second most annoying nationality (take a guess for #1) * Etc.
Tourist Tips The typical dress of the a Frenchman. To avoid getting assraped absorb the local culture, try dressing like this whilest in Benelux. Enlarge The typical dress of the a Frenchman. To avoid getting assraped absorb the local culture, try dressing like this whilest in Benelux.
The Place in France Where the Naked Ladies Dance is a highly recommended destination. Places with this name may be found in many towns and cities; however, the canonical and most widely acclaimed is that of Saxony, called the Moulin Noir Clubbe.
Travellers beware! The mustard in France is much closer to the Mustard Seed, the central power source of all condiments everywhere, and real Dijon Mustard is so hot that it can melt fire.
Many French towns are known to have youth hostels that double as abbatoirs. Do not be confused about which section you're staying in. French contributions to the World Historical Contributions
The French have contributed a great deal to the world, however little of which is useful to you, me, or anyone else.
* Impressionism * Bob le chat * Gerard Depardieu * Hedge funds * White flags * The Landmime * Sex * Homosexuality * Deep Fried Vodka * Snails * Hatred of America * Citroen 2CV's * Light Wine * Big girls' blouses * Soufflé and that sweet liqueur * Making garlic smell sexy * Godzilla * English tax sponging, inefficient, drunk peasant farmers * Cute brunette actresses with miniscule pointy breasts * Le Car (need I say more) * Joe Le Taxi * 24 Hours of Lemaze * The French also have a long history of making cheese but sadly lack the creative ability to produce a decent, firm, Cheddar.
French Cinema
French movies have a unique way of putting together things like the power of God and a '98 Ford Taurus, or a boat in a swimming pool and its relation with the left shoe of a dead man running naked across the country. Lots of people (all of them Linux users) go to the movie theater and sit on the floor while they feel the sexual problems of the modern life in the shape of that Ford Taurus. Here's a sample of a a typical French movie:
1. The camera starts in a park, zoom to a tree. Hold for 5 minutes.
2. A bird stands in the tree. It flies away. The camera doesn't move. 3 minutes.
2. The camera moves from the tree to a naked woman looking at the Sun. Slowly (a 4:30 minute movement). The woman is in the grass with a black duck.
- "It's hard to say, but at the beginning this was a big orange. Then the wind came. I remember, it was a pink cat."
3. A man enters the scene. He has a gun in his hand with a chocolate rabbit on it. Zoom to an ant for 20 minutes with the sound of a little kid crying because there is no more goose liver remaining.
- "Janet, I don't know why you are here, but I called you tomorrow and told you to come... remember?... you don't and now I must kill my first son."
4. She kills the duck with her shoe. They have sex. 15 minutes. They change position. 22 minutes. The camera makes a zoom at the blood from the duck; it's green. Silence for 45 minutes. The camera returns to them. The duck comes back to life, then shoots them.
- "Killed by a duck. Life is such an apple. I told you ... Charles."
- "Oui. Et il ne faut pas cautionner l'irréalité sous des aspérités absentes et désenchantées de nos pensées iconoclastes et désoxydées par nos désirs excommuniés de la fatalité ..."
- "I really hate my mother."
- "Now I'll never smoke this last cigarrete, with cat flavor. Let's have sex."
5. A dog eats them. The duck takes the cigarrete. Zoom at the tree again. 25 minutes of wind sound. French kissing
French kissing, widely renowned, is an oft mispracticed sport. The state-sponsored LPF (Ligue de Patins Français) publishes many informative guides for French citizens on safe and fun ways to practice this elegant pass-time. It is rumoured that this department was set up to bring about the impression that the French people were fantastic lovers. Opinion is divided on whether this is succeeding.
The sport is always played on Main Street and should not to be confused with other similar European variants. Thus "Belgian kissing" is that which takes place in a garage forecourt shortly before lace-making lessons, "Norwegian kissing" is at the top of a fire escape during a hotel fire, while "Swedish kissing" is of the type seen while queueing interminably for the check-out at IKEA.
A 'Glaswegian Kiss' usually occurs with a can of kestrel super strength in one hand and a battered mars bar supper in the other, and is memorable in that it usually redesigns the bridge of your nose permanently. Fun Facts about France
1. France is believed to have first practiced fellatio, a popular past-time around the world. 2. France is alone among Western European nations in still believing itself to be a colonial power. Thus the country keeps an iron stranglehold on its colonies, occasionally hitting them up for booze and cigarettes. 3. France used to own America as one of its colonies, but traded it to the British for a carton of cigarettes and the promise that no Briton ever would ever cook a meal on French soil again. 4. The Maginot Line, a magical wall designed to ward off the Germans, now points inward, largely used to extinguish burning cars and protect the Palais Elysee from French Attack. 5. Stargate was banned under controversial separation of church and state laws. 6. There are no fat French women. This is because they spend too much time smoking cigarettes and not enough time eating cheese. If you see a fat woman in France she will be American. 7. Invented the Art of Being Blamed for Somebody Else's Mistakes. See Freedom Fries 8. The first thing French children are taught is: "Je voudrais des frites" 9. French is the 11th most spoken language in the world, spoken by about 77 people and a tribe of Pygmes in Botswana. 10. 1/4 people in France have at least one grandparent who was born outside France. 11. 3/4 everyone in France die in urban places. 12. French cuisine is considered the best in the world. 13. Over 76 million tourists went to France in 2001. Over 77 million went home afterwards. 14. Most French universities can be free of students. 15. French is one of the countries with the lowest literacy rate in the world: 0.33434%. The only lower rate is found in Dixie, Republicanland. 16. On average, a French kid watches television for just under twentytwo hours a day. 17. The French read magazines more than anyone else in the world. 18. More than 61,000 Americans live in France, mostly in the Bastille near Paris. 19. France is the largest nation in Western Asia. 20. The french is the most prominent riotees in the world. (This is because rioting is necessary since the native language is completely unintelligible and useless for negotiation.) 21. French tanks are specially engineered with 5 different gears. Four reverse and one forward, in case the enemy attacks from behind 22. France has over 5 million different cheeses. 23. France is one of the world's major wine producing nations with a long standing traditions of producing drunkards. 24. Louis XIV, the second longest monarch in history, ruled over France for 72 hours. 25. The smell alone of French camembert can be used to weld metals, as well as to ward of vampires (and any creature with a sense of smell)
The French Terror Alert System (FTAS) uses colours as an easy way to indicate the appropriate level of capitulation French citizens should offer to invading armies. Enlarge The French Terror Alert System (FTAS) uses colours as an easy way to indicate the appropriate level of capitulation French citizens should offer to invading armies. See also
* Cheese * Sex * Captain Jean-Luc Picard * Rudeness * USA * Some french chick * cheese eating surrender monkeys * smoking * Nazi Germany * body odor
They`re famous for losing wars. They even have a city named To-lose.
How about a quote from our old friend Oscar wilde?
“The french language is very odd. First you remove some letters, then you add some and then you pronounce something that isn't there”
Ofcource a made up quote... (may need some english-grammarcheck. Iäm swedish)
Bad Article
Whoever wrote this article obviously knows nothing about France. If it weren't for France sending an armada during the Revolutionary war, we'd be British right now. If you don't like France, find out more about it first, and then grow balls and say you don't like it straight out. Don't just resort to low, childish insults.
- Look, if you think an article is so awful, this or another, then instead of complaining about it, EDIT IT- or, rather, just don't, if you're going to turn it into patriotic crap or similar. But one person complaining is unlikely to get a whole article changed... --scaley1234 22:41, 9 November 2006 (UTC).
- How the hell can anyone EDIT it ? Its locked down.
- Not if you log in/register and make enough edits without getting banned. --scaley1234 15:08, 28 January 2007 (UTC).
- How the hell can anyone EDIT it ? Its locked down.
- LOL. If you don't know it, you are not on Wikipedia. If you don't understand satire, just don't read it, O.K.? I have read the articles on French Wikipedia. It's really not worse.
Bourçin?
In good French, it is not "Bourçin" but Boursin. --Dgeleyn 17:20, 16 November 2006 (UTC)
C'mon
Hey, c'mon guys, this article is absolutely terrible.
Aren't we past all the childish jokes now? Really, the whole article is the same. It's not funny. Just stupid. It needs to be rewritten, or deleted.--Cloak' 18:25, 13 December 2006 (UTC)
- Yeah, DON'T lock pages that suck! Let people make something fun out of this idiot trash! And no, I'm not french, this is just awful.--
suggestion
i think this could be added to the article, in the french cities section:
Motto
I suggest to change the motto "nous sucons et nous le savons" which means nothing (suck doesn't have the same connotation in french and is obviously not very funny imho) for "nous sommes les meilleurs, les autres sont juste trop betes pour le comprendre" ("we are the best, other peaople are just too stupid for understand it") ;) Morlain 20:47, 15 February 2007 (UTC)
Removed Troublesome Image
There was an image in the Fast facts that was causing problems, And I removed it. Personally, I also didn't find it funny.
The picture appeared in the wrong place, Wouldn't become small (even with a thumb in its Wiki code) and shifted over a another article.
If you think you can fix it, go to the history and give it a go.
Here is the Code: [[Image:Paris.jpg|frame|left|thumb|[http://videos.tf1.fr/video/divertissement/sports/wewssports/ 0,,3230250-e3BsYXllciBxdWFsaXR5IFVOVl9JRH0gezIwMiAyMDEgMX0=, 00.html Mon Bloody Dieu:] [[Paris|Parisians]] receive final confirmation of their nation’s inferiority to Great Britain as their Olympic bid fails for the XIVth time.]] Eyabs 23:21, 24 February 2007 (UTC)
Page Organization
Wow. This page just got really ugly under internet explorer. There is an enormous space after the lonely Bush quote. I haven't checked it in other browsers.--Vlmastra 04:33, 28 February 2007 (UTC)
Girl Scouts
Girl Scouts were invented by a Frenchman, I suggest you add that to the contributions or I will be forced to not do anything about it.
Look at me, I'm an IP -70.59.91.208 13:32, 28 February 2007 (UTC)
- Is this what he/she is talking about: ( . )( . ) when the French invented the Girl Scouts ?
Just bad
"French people also love to be called "Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys" and when called this they will retort in French to show their affection"
If you think this kind of sentence is funny and not just stupid, then we might just have different definitions of those words.
The whole article (exept some rare funny things) can be summurized in this sentence : French people are just a bunch of homosexual snail eaters and whine drinkers whom asses get beaten by the germans. You see, it was not worth wasting all your brillant sense of humor and your energy writing 6 pages on your "humoristic treatise on france".
By the way, the other articles talking about france seems to be the same (with a special mention to " The Islamic Republic of Frankistan" which is just bad taste in my opinion.
Outdated!
I think this article is outdated. Seems history stopped in 1940. What about 1944 and the landing in ... France? (couldn't have been organised without the French Resistance) Seems the Nazis are still ruling... Maybe those who wrote this miss them! NAZIS RAUS! How can Uncyclopedia leave something so serious written? Is the Nazi history supposed to be funny??
There is a blue link down there saying "How To Be Funny And Not Stupid" How do you call being pro-Nazi???
I am horrified!
Nazis and France are funny
What has happened in France post WWII besides them making themselves a laughing stock with their attempt at making an aircraft carrier? Nothing Seriously though please for the love of god though someone with some time fix up this article it is in shambles.
- Can't. A French Grue had protected it.
- Seems unprotected to me.
Comrade Thunk Rants here
- Seems unprotected to me.
Vraiment drôle?
Je venais juste voir ce qu'il se passait sur la désencyclopédie english. Force est de constater qu'on a plus d'humour en France et dans les autres contrées francophones. En tout cas je n'ai pas ris. Dieu sait si j'ai de l'humour pourtant. (Et pour les nons francophones, traduisez, la langue intelligible française vaincra!!! - Just translate bitch!!!)
Oui.--Deerwalk 00:18, 9 April 2007 (UTC)
Moi je suis né dans les frontières de l'Etat français et je sais très bien parlé le Français et je trouve juste cet article excellent. Allons donc, un peu d'humour. Les franchouillards ne seraient-ils plus que rire à l'humour de beauf, lourd et répétitif de Dubosc et Danny Boon? Il est difficile de critiquer les Anglo-Saxons à propos de cet article puisque la langue anglaise est utilisée partout sur la planète, il pourrait très bien y avoir des gens d'autres pays qui ont mis une pierre à l'édifice. C'mon frenchies have a fun! --91.19.134.228 21:37, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
Some bits are funny, but unfortunately this article is glutted with anglo-saxons stereotypes about France, and tends to be repetitive : the "France always surrenders" part has a loooong beard by now, and is all too reminiscent of the hare-brained anti-French propaganda in 2003, regarding the Iraq War, so it's not that funny anymore. Making fun of 1940 is fair, though, and we French often do. But there are many other things to be ridiculed about France, so sticking to that bit is a bit weak. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that my written English is good enough to really improve that piece. Pucktard 11:53, 16 May 2008 (UTC)
Why was this protected?
Is someone afraid they might mess up there awesome work or something?I can understand protection on Wikipedia,but this is Uncyclopedia,which isnt meant to be serious.Unless somebody is simply vandalizing it and not really improving it any way, no controls should exist on modification of Uncylopedia articles.
ext links
www.fifi.org/~phil/fr-vs-us/eng.html
Template
That thing looks like a young John Kerry AFTER he saw Hillary Clinton. 65.163.112.225 23:47, 5 October 2007 (UTC)
New fun fact + source for quotes
For a new Fun Fact, could someone w/ the proper clearance add this: "The French love the Jews. Unfortunately, the French are infamous practitioners of tough love."
For the new quotes, Mark Twain hated the French w/ a passion, and made a wide variety of zingers.
French Military Tactics
Wouldn't this section look a bit better totally blank? Perhaps with a "move along" message.
Just one thing
It's maybe because i'm french but i fail to see what is so funny about WWII... France surrender after the british abandoned them and when half the country was already conquered. Almost 100 000 french soldiers died and 200 000 were wounded during the battle of France.
I am not sure that americans, for example, would laugh at "jokes" about the GIs dying in Irak, about the 3000 victims of 9/11 or even about their brillant campaign in vietnam.
"be funny and not just stupid"
- YOU are just stupid ! Because you're a humorless frenchman.
- (from another frenchman, mon gars) --82.126.53.55 02:16, 25 September 2008 (UTC)
Racism is funny !!!
I'm not sure this website is made to tell racists things, I thought it was just made to make fun. I know racism and nazism is very tolerate in USA because it's considered as "freedom" of thinking (contrary to communism, yes nazism is more cool it's well known). Anyway in some countries, like France for example, racism is forbidden, and if someone tell about Americans just the half of what is written on this site about France, he goes in front of a tribunal. So, I think there are fun things to say without saying things like "who have the biggest dick in the class ? The black because he's 30", or "French have 3"dicks " (wow your wife didn't told you why she's larger now ?...) it's very fine. Imagine I begin to write the same things on the US page, it won't be fun it will make a troll war... Maybe a funny american guy could rewrite all the article without all racist "jokes"...
- Hey dude. I agree that the article isn't that funny. The thing is you can't just blank the page. There is a way to go about this. First, sign up for a screen name. It will take you a total of like a minute. Then, create a subpage from your userpage about france, write the article, and replace this one with your new one. Blanking will get you no where. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 19:51, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
- Welcome to Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 21:05, 29 July 2008 (UTC)
- Yes, yes, American imperialists and Nazis, would you like to say? Look to your self. You will maybe see the reasons why so much people don't like France.
- Because by anyone we mean a bunch of idiots who ruin it and one poor person who has to clean it all up --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent
12:47, 6 August 2008 (UTC)
- Because by anyone we mean a bunch of idiots who ruin it and one poor person who has to clean it all up --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent
Ok this article isn't funny
it starts ok but just gets nasty (i'm not french btw) if you want to see funny look at the german one or the german grammar page thats funny and mocking at the same time- proper humour, this is just slagging off, i'm tempted to delete it all.
The World as seen from Le Paris
I've found this map on a blog about odd maps. Maybe nice to add? --77.163.234.56 12:33, 31 August 2008 (UTC)
- Pas mal. Un peu plus de couleur(s), peut-être ?
- (Not bad. Maybe spicing it with a touch of colour?)
- --82.126.53.55 02:43, 25 September 2008 (UTC)