Sid the Sloth

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Sid the Sloth

“ Sid - is a male sloth, or almost, whose dialogues are limited to AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAH, as he is a being of lower intelligence, just like the squirrel at the end of the films. He is the sticky thing that unites the initial happy love triangle.”

~ doze thlimy Portuguese bashturds on me!

My fayvrit!

*Aaaugh…* Uhhh… hai guysh. Dith is Sid. I’m a sloth. No, NOT A BADGER. FUR DA LATH TIME. I’m a SLOTH! A BIG shloth. Now WHO ya callin’ shlow? I’m n-naht SLUOW! I- I guess I might fink kinda slowly though- b-but… that’s nachral, izzanit? Now- yeth, I talk… I talk and talk… but don’t- ekthpect me to g-give big, uhh… lectures about myselth… ok?

Backthtory

Who did thith? Thish is absalootly hideoush. I-it’s gonna giff me nightmares! *falls asleep*

Now, I wanna play it nithe. J-just get myshelf some of my long-sought-after RESHPECT. My family abandined me during da migration. THEY DO THISH EVERY YEAR. An dey just left me in tha tree. Shelly. Bertie! grandma Gladys! They just left me. An now I haff ta freeze to deth. So, c-could one of… you… right there… err… adopt me… I guess dat’s not the besht way to put it but it would be nishe. Aaaugh. I don’t wanna die jusht yeht. Not like thish. I could be great! Da Fiah King! I’ll be da fire king!

Oh yeah, dat time when I nearly d-died. That wuth terrifying.

An da big gay rhinos… they were about to kill me. Jutht because I offered them a PINE CONE. *sobs on floor* Now come on Sid, you’re big an shcary too, aren’t you? *grunts wimpishly and hauls himself up* I wuzh- about to DIE. And *sobs again* my family. Dey- wouldn’t- *stomps in between words* GIVE- A- DANG! Auegh. I jutht want shum short of companion in life- fer wunth… an I get dis. An I thought I’d die, until tha following happind:

I was THAVED!

Well, den I ran into… literally… a big ol’ guy. A mammoth, too be egxact. That wus Manny. He’s a good guy-moshtly. An he helps out, but hees so grumpy an’ thtuff. An he wants more of a companion den just a sloth. It’s like, I’m not good enough? Am I not good enough fer him? *sobs*

Roshan

An da baby. He-he duth nuffin fer us. We shoulda-shoulda… wat was that? We shoulda KILLED him.

Sid an PIIIIIINE COOOOONES

An oh yeah, I get all tha bitches, uh huh. Don’t queshtion.

Y-You can never go wrong wif dem! Oooooh, there’s wun! *chomp* OW! OW! OW! Well, it’sh perfect! Da finist tekshture an flavor. Here, yew have wun. Wat, you don’t wannit? What a shame. Yer-yer mithing out.

That time I wuzh da FIRE KING

An when the ice- it all melted, I finally got da reshpect I deserved. I was declared da FIAH KING! I was on my way to GREATNITH! And den they tried to shacrifice me to end global warming. D-dunno how I suhvived dat wun. But it sure was NICE.

You shee, guys, just because I might be a little… low in, uhh.. intellect… doethn’t mean I can’t make rashnal deshisions!

Yeah, I’m not an ideeot! But yew guys, always chop thing to underethtimate Sid the Slahth…