User:YesTimeToEdit/Preaching

Preaching

Preaching can be divided into three main sections, Religious preaching, Political preaching and World of Warcraft Preaching.

           Definition of Preaching: When someone or something uses a special technique to jack shit on you.

Religious Preaching

Religious preaching is when a Christian (or other such able-minded person) jacks shit on you, by rubbing their fingers on the inside of their mouth and then producing a distinctive gargling noise.

A brave photographer ventured close to someone who was jacking shit to take a picture.

Religious preaching is highly infectious and anyone who has been infected should be either safely disposed of or left in solitary confinement for the rest of their life. If a bout of Religious Preaching comes your way the best thing to do to defend yourself is turn the TV volume up, switch to Friends, correctly place your gas mask over your face and if you have one, put on your radioactive protection suit. Of course this is not a guaranteed way of protecting yourself and there is no known vaccine. Scientists at Cambridge are currently developing a cure, but it is expected to take five more years to create, especially since the lead scientist was recently assassinated.

Symptoms: Asking your neighbour for that "soul" you sold him for $10 a year ago, homophobia, pro-choiceism and a severe rash on the head (this is actually where your remaining brains is trying to escape your skull).

Political Preaching

Political preaching is produced in an entirely different way to Religious preaching. Political preaching is used as a mating call between different species of politicians and dentists. The way most breeds of politicians produce political preaching is by copying an idea from their opponent and then sticking it up their arse and leaving it to boil for around two weeks.

After this time the idea has been turned into a political preach and can be widely declared. Dentists produce political preaching by taking five teeth from a teenager and dropping them in coke for a week.

Political preaching is not as contagious as Religious Preaching but should still be considered highly toxic. If an area has been affected by political preaching then you should warn your local authorities as a full de-contamination proccess must take place.

A popular brand of Anthrax used to cure and vaccinate against Political Preaching

There is a vaccine and a cure for political preaching and is called "Antrax". Another effective cure is a bullet to the back of the head.

Symptoms: Doodling the swastika all over your desk, full blown Red-Neckism and spots.

World of Warcraft Preaching

World of Warcraft preaching (technical term:Giberamus) is one of the most dangerous types of preaching. It is a fusion of religious and political preaching and is widely employed by The Bank of Scientology Cult Lawyers' Firm.

There is absolutely no cure of vaccine for this type of preaching. Even if you commit suicide it will continue to haunt you. If World of Warcraft preaching reaches within a 15 mile radius of you then it will scar you for life and death. Of course it is extremely infectious.

This sort of preaching can only be created by five species: Bullfrogs, World of Warcraft players, Runescape players, Lawyers and cult members. Each have their own individual and very special (and patented) way of producing this type of preaching. However we cannot go into any of the details otherwise they'll suit the shit out of us.

Symptoms: Loss of blood, loss of intelligence, loss of thought, loss of life and loss of hair.