Mayflower

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The Mayflower, moments prior to being sunk.

The Mayflower was an infamous gunboat responsible for the deaths of over 192,231 people. According to historians, this legendary boat was one epic motherfucking son of a bitch. It served as the flagship for the first Puritan naval fleet and transported hundreds of Puritans to the New World.

It was built in 16-something, April showers. Shortly after its construction, the peaceful Pilgrims got on it. However, there was an argument made about whether the Pilgrims should allow a black man on the boat. After the shooting, the Pilgrims were on their way.

Life on the boat was luxurious. There was a buffet and satellite television in every room; each sleeping quarter was 23x27 cubits in size. The boat was complete with a strip bar and sushi outlet. It was powered by the natural force of the wind upon its sails and three Spaniards in the water pushing on the stern. The Mayflower was equipped with two 40mm. cannons and had several bayonet-wielding soldiers on duty at all times to keep the first-class and the proletariat scum separated. Upon their arrival in the new land, they (the Pilgrims) used their advanced Borg technology and their naval force complete with aircraft carriers and the lead gunboat, the Mayflower, to start blowing up the shipping harbors run by the Native Americans. After settling on the new land, the Mayflower became a shipping vessel, delivering arms and goods to the Pilgrims from Europe and the like.

Sinking[edit]

While docked at Cape Cod, the Mayflower was taken over by a group of Native Americans during a savage attack in which poor, defenseless Pilgrims were scalped and eaten alive by the dirty, crazy Native Americans. They skinned children, sodomized their livestock, wore their skin as underwear, and forced the most virginal women into multitudinous acts of buggery before cutting their tits off with piano wire. Oh, it was horrible. No really, there were Native people everywhere.

However, the Mayflower, while docked and taken over, was sunk by the U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix in an effort to kill the dirty Natives. The Jimi Hendrix was lauded as indestructible and proved so on this fateful day because as it approached the Mayflower, Native Americans fired Roseanne at the U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix. The U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix withstood the attack, and fired back Elton John, sinking the Mayflower.

27 Native Americans were lost upon the Mayflower's sinking. Three survived, only to begin chewing holes in the bottom of the U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix's hull with their massive teeth. They were later killed.

The Virginia Governor, in an attempt to win a bet against his friend, had several of his servants raise the Mayflower from the water. Months later, the Mayflower played an important role as the world's largest table as Native Americans and crackers rejoiced together in the first Thanksgiving all across New England. After dessert, the Native Americans went on a wild rampage and had to be euthanized. He won the bet.

After the first Thanksgiving, the Mayflower sat at harbor and served as a casino run by the Natives. The ship eventually corroded at its hull which ruptured, causing a loss of stability and causing the ship to buckle under extreme pressure caused by water weight. It listed to the port side, hitting the adjacently harbored USNS Mercy, killing several on board. The hull rupturing caused several depth charges to be released into the harbor. As the ship sank, it struck its own depth charges and exploded utterly.

See also[edit]