Mathieu Caron
They may be a Christian or, worse, be from The South. For information on the best way to save our great nation from scum like this read the The Nation. (Pstt. Watch out! This right-wing nutjob is probably packin heat; quick - tell Rosie O'Donnell!)
“The true Lord of Commercial Environmentalism.”
Mathieu GreenGooseGreen Carbon Caron (also known as Mathieu Gore and/or Al Caron) is the leader of the Evarlasting Secret Ninja Environmentalist Bunkers Entreprise (ESNEBE) and the inventor of green walls and the very acclaimed method of sheep-stacking.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Nothing much is known about Caron. Some say he was born on Jupiter, where the surface is clearly solid. He studied at Harvard Univeristy, Mozambique in 4-Hours-Shower-Taking before completing a ph.D in Environmentalism.
Green Walls[edit | edit source]
After extensive researches, Caron and his team came to the conclusion that optic fiber isn't the best component for isolating houses, and especially, secret ninja bunkers. They found out that stacking and compressing dead sheep was far more better than stuffing with the ever popular "capitalist non-environmentalist greedy artificial bullshit" currently used on the market. Some buyers of Caron's technology complained about their houses and walls stinking "hardcore". Caron argued that it was better than optic fiber, who could spy on them and send information to the government. *"Besides, it's better than having no walls at all. I mean, they're morons for believing me nayway." *During the 2007 OXYGENKILLEDMYKITTEN conference.
Politics[edit | edit source]
It is widely known that Caron is associated with Lord Durham and the Private Capitals of Brazil, as he follows the ideology of Commercial Communism and Architectural Ninja Owning in axisymetral boundary carboxyle plans on 3D surfaces. Mr. Caron also believes that Oxygen is the actual cause of Global Warming. Yes, oxygen is the main reason behind kitties burning and face melting. As of now, Caron is planning with his team on removing Oxygen from Planet Earth. Although all kind of living creatures would die from lack of oxygen, Caron believes it is the only way of saving humanity from Global Warming. "After all, if humans are dead, then there's no reason for them to worry about Global Warming", said he after a Conference in Quebec, Canada.
Environmentalism[edit | edit source]
Caron believes that professional meteorologists, MIT professors, University of England ph.D's who disagree with his Global Warming "facts" are in "fact" all paid by General Motors, George Bush and Razorgator Inc. As he said, "95% of those guys are paid for saying lies, 105% of them are morons, and 120% of those hate kitties. Thoses statistics are based from my own very head."
Pastafarianism[edit | edit source]
According to sure sources, Mr. Caron is fiercely opposed to The Church of the Flying Spagetthi Monster, as he believes the decrease in number of pirates has nothing to do with Global Warming, although it has been proven scientfically and with help of accurate charts. Caron's scientific team was able to produce a far better graphic representing the number of humans versus the quantity of oxygen, which clearly shown how that the main cause of humans living is oxygen. Some people asked Caron what it had to do with Global Warming. He answered,"Oxygen is to Humans what Humans are to science what to science is to Global Warming what Global Warming is to the fake bullshit my job depends on".
Critique[edit | edit source]
Caron believes that most who argue with his ideology are "stupid idiotic imbecile morons" and believes that his statistics (Always over 95%) own the heck out of anyone argumenting on his Global Warming schemes.
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