Monty Python's Flying Circus
- This article is about a cult comedy group, and is therefore haphazardly crammed with ham-handed references to its humor and a whole bunch of crappy quotations. Welcome to the Internet.
And Now For Something Completely Different....
It's...
Monty Python's Flying Circus, a notorious traveling cult and gang formed by alleged comedian John Cleese in 1969, to combat the growing mice problem, and to bring to an end the terrible crime spree of Doug and Dinsdale Piranha. Their rival gang is the Old Women, who are known to attack people on streets.
When John met up with Eric Idle in 1995 he allegedly kneeled down and asked if he could call him Edward, Ted, Eddie-baby, Annie-Knickers, and/or Frank. Idle and Cleese (Or Frank, as he liked to be called by Idle) were never successful, and have since retired to the incredibly dull profession of British comedy. They joined with Megapode's Flying Hampsters, which included at the time Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Terry Gilliam, and Graham Chapman. The two Terrys were actually half-brothers and their mother could only speak the word "tarry", and thus this was mistaken as the names of her two sons. Evil Pizza was their first fan.
Good evening[edit | edit source]
We apologise most sincerely to those of you who have navigated to this page under the impression that it was in any way connected with the television program, "Monty Python's Flying Circus". It is in fact a page about "Pleasures of the Dance: A collection of Norwegian Carpenters' Songs, compiled by Oscar Tritt.Ni !
Owl-stretching time[edit | edit source]
Continuity announcers lay in ruins - the BBC would never be the same again.
Lemon Curry ?[edit | edit source]
Lemon Curry! Lemon Curry? Lemon, Curry! Lemon? Curry! Lemon! Curry? Lemon Curry. After a round-the-world voyage the gang are now planning to settle down and eat lemon curry for the rest of their days.
Religious Beliefs[edit | edit source]
The religion of Monty Python's Flying Circus is known as Pythonism. Pythonism claims that John Cleese was the creator of the universe and even of god. It also claims that the world revolved around Brian.
The Monty Python is considered a sacred being in Pythonism.
The Spanish Inquisition[edit | edit source]
Monty Python's Flying Circus is probably best known for the Spanish inquisition incident of 1997. The gang traveled through the United Kingdom, appearing out of nowhere when anybody claims they "didn't expect a sort of Spanish inquisition". When they arrived, Michael Palin would announce "Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition". The gang would then proceed to attack with such items as the soft cushions, the dish rack, and the comfy chair. Fifty people are known to have died from Spanish inquisition attacks. Hundreds of others were left emotionally damaged.
The plan was created by Graham Chapman(an idiot or a genius i cant quite put my finger on it.)
Confuse-A-Cat Scam[edit | edit source]
In 1999, the Flying Circus created a business called Confuse-A-Cat. The group began kidnapping cats across London and training them to not move until confused. Confuse-A-Cat would then charge £100 to confuse a cat. This business was intensely successful, making millions almost overnight. The "scam" continued for 3 years, until March of 2002,when the Queen declared "Anything that successful couldn't possibly be illegal." The Pythons immediately ended the now legitimate business because they were bored. In a short interview, John Cleese said, "We think being illegal made it more exciting."
The Gambolputty Connection[edit | edit source]
The two Terrys are direct descendants of Johann Gambolputty De Von Ausfern Schplinden Schlitter Crasscrenbon-Fried Digger Dingle Dongle Dungle Burstein Von Knacker-Thrasher Apple-Banger Horowitz Ticolensic Grander Knotter Spelltinkle grandich grumbelmeyer etc. The etc. at the end of this name is because this is only a portion of the original name, and the rest was lost during the making of The Dark Side of The Moon (though rumours abound that by 1973, both a disgruntled Hurricane Smith and severely stoned Alan Parsons each hid copies the original masters in safe deposit boxes in their local savings & loan offices).
The last surviving person carrying the name of Johann, Karl Gambolputty De Von Ausfern Schplinden Schlitter Crasscrenbon-Fried Digger Dingle Dongle Dungle Burstein Von Knacker-Thrasher Apple-Banger Horowitz Ticolensic Grander Knotter Spelltinkle grandich grumbelmeyer etc., died of boredom during a private interview with Cleese. Cleese, believing that his dull report caused Karl's death, buried his body in the middle of some nearby woods. The two Terries only recently learned of this, and are planning a trip to the twin peaks of Mount Everest to seek Karl's body following their current quest to the lost hamlet of Notlob, where, as legend has it, the fabled Dead Parrot is reputedly nailed to an upside down crucifix in the local Anglican chapel of St. Looney-Up-The-Cream-Bun-And-Jam. They chose Everests because in Gilliam's words it was, "...fairly easy going up them both, but then they slope away rather sharply."
We have just gotten word that someone has found the rest of the dude's name. Here is the twit's full name: Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm.
Why did you say Burma?[edit | edit source]
I panicked. Besides, Myanmar is too hard to spell.
Schrodinger's Parrot[edit | edit source]
The Pythons used their immense riches to actually carry out Schrodinger's experiment: After checking, the two experimenters were unable to agree on whether or not is dead. The case has been in court for 46 years, with many witnesses. The parrot himself testified, crying "I'm not dead yet." This would seem to be incontrovertible evidence, except for the testimony of 398,852 direct descendants of Shrodinger himself, who all said that the parrot was in fact dead. Furthermore, 14,000 biologists have confirmed that it is a Norweigan Blue, with Beautiful Plumage; 6,999 said that it is dead, and another 6,999 said it is alive. One remains undecided, and another may have died during testimony although that is has yet to be determined.
Recently, one of the jurors declared that they are dead, and the case is on hold until a replacement can be found.
The Funniest joke in the World[edit | edit source]
In 1969 "the boys", as they liked to be called, tried to write the world's funniest joke. This proved fatal to anyone who saw or heard it, and only the German version is allowed to be written. It is;
"Wenn ist das numstuck git und Slotmeyer ? Ja...Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwalt gersput!" (And don't try to put it in Google Translate, kids.)
The Germans tried countering the Allied joke with one of their own. After many years of trial and error, the German V joke was ready, and was broadcasted in English:
"Zerre verre zwei peanuts, walking down ze straße; and one vass assaulted... Peanut."
Needless to say, it just wasn't the same.
In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again...
Notlob[edit | edit source]
The birthplace of John Cleese in 1939. Born above a wasp club to father Albert (an accountant) and mother Doris (an accountant),Cleese was extraordinarily short in his childhood, and it was only at age 8 he was of normal height. Cleese became an accountant, because he was described by his colleagues as "appallingly dull, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company, irrepressably drab and awful", . A chance meeting with the other Pythons (while doing their tax returns) catapulted him into the world of showbiz. By the end of the third series he was tired of it all, and returned to chartered accountancy, only occasionally making a film or T.V. appearance. He made a series called "Farty Towels" set in a hotel, but again returned to accountancy. He was never funny again after 1979.
Dennis Moore[edit | edit source]
After his "alleged" murder by boredom of Karl, Cleese fled deep into society and took on a variety of authority roles, ranging from constables to policemen. Cleese used his acting skills and disguised himself as Chief Inspector Praline, whose name he got from a sweetmeat-induced dream. However, after only a few short years he was given the job of hunting down his own half-cousin-once-removed, the brave (but stupid!) Dennis Moore.
Now, Dennis Moore was a highwayman by profession...
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, galloping through the sward, Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, and his horse Concorde. He steals from the rich, he gives to the poor, Mr Moore, Mr Moore, Mr Moore.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Riding through the night. Soon every lupin in the land Will be in his mighty hand He steals them from the rich And gives them to the poor Mr Moore, Mr Moore, Mr Moore.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Dumdum alum the night. Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Dun de dun dum plight. He steals dumdum dun And dumdum dum dee Dennis dun, Dennis dee, dum dum dum.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore etcetera, etcetera
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Riding through the woods. Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore With a bag of things. He gives to the poor and he takes from the rich Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore Riding through the land Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore Without a merry band He steals from the poor. And gives to the rich
Stupid bitch.
Rat Tart[edit | edit source]
In 1972, a lot of people thought the team had gone too far when they did a sketch called "The most awful family in Britain". This was not however a documentary as some suspected, but another "skit" or "humorous vignette" by those crazy Python boys.
Raymond Luxury Yacht[edit | edit source]
“That's not my name! It's spelled "Raymond Luxury Yacht", but it's pronounced "Throatwobbler Mangrove"!”
Raymond Luxury Yacht ( /ˌθroʊt ˌwaʊblɛr ˈmæŋɡroʊv/) is a skin specialist who wears a large polystyrene nose. Needless to say, he is a very silly man who was denied an interview by the BBC in 1970. He also once tried to get cosmetic surgery done for his nose by a cosmetic surgeon named Professor Sir Sir Adrian Furrows F.R.S.. F.R.C.S.F.R.C.P.. M.D.M.S.(Oxon) M.A.. PhD.MSc.(Cartab) PhD.(Syd) F.R.G.S.F.C.O.G. F.E.A.R.C.S. M.S(Brian) M.S(Liv) M.S (Guardalajara) M.S.(Karach) M.S.(Edin) B.A.(Chic) B.Litt (Phil) D.Litt(phil) D.litt(Arthur and Lucy) D.Litt(Ottawa) D.Litt (All other places in Canada except Medicine Hat). BSc 9 Brussels. Leige. Asse. (And Cromer). Striking a deal with his reluctant specialist, Raymond agreed to go on a camping holiday with him where they engaged in slow motion skipping through the forest.
How Not to be Seen[edit | edit source]
The group pretended to give a helpful lesson on how and why to hide, but it soon became apparent that it was just an excuse for John Cleese to blow things up.
Prof.R.J.Gumby[edit | edit source]
Professor Gumby of the Philosophy Dept.,University of Woolomolloo, says "my brain hurts".
Cheese shop[edit | edit source]
A man walked into an alleged cheese shop:
- Scuse me, is this a cheese shop?
- No sir!
- Well that's that sketch knackered then, innit?
- Flash...explosion...head blown off...aaagghh!
This one didn't do very well.
And Now for Something Completely Different[edit | edit source]
"A man with three buttocks"
"We've already done that"
"urm...A man with nine legs!"
"He Ran away."
"These words are not to be used again": B*M B*TTY P*X KN*CKERS KN*CKERS W**-W** SEMPRINI