HowTo:Rule The World
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos
Ever wanted to have an ultimate base that will oversee the world you have conquered? Ever want to have everything you want? Do you wish to owned someone that pisses you off? Then read the article to how to do it.
World domination is a hard thing to do. There are guidelines on what to do in case if you met the standards of ruling the world, or an entire planet in general.
Step 1: Kill someone
Kill somebody you hate. They will/will not expect you thinking you need help, but shoot them before they try to kill you. Meh.
Step 2: the List
Here's a List to rule the world. Most of them are effective, while some superheroes like Jack Bauer will kill you, so you have to be really fast (note: you must be stupid, retarded, just simply dumb, or a pissed off person):
- 1. Get convinced by Emperor Palpatine into tricking you into believing that saving your girl/boy/whatever friend by going to the Dark side and kill innocent people. Also be aware that Palpatine will trick your son/daughter/whatever into killing you and take your place.
- 2. Be a zombie. Zombies are known to take over the world (a lot). Also, you would want to bite someone in the arm or whatever to create your army of other zombies, be careful of peoples named Van Hellsing, Ving Rhames, Ken Foree, Sarah Polley, and Samuel L. Jackson.
- 3. Worship Ganondorf. With him on your side, no puny human (or moogle) being can stop you (except a kid who is well-known to wear a green hat and tunic. If you beat him, kill his girlfriend).
- 4. Join Xerxes by betraying Spartans in 300. Make sure he gives you an empire, non-deformed women, and a bottle of moonshine (but beware. Spartans have an ultimate weapon called a shit cannon and Spartan lasers).
- 5. Join outerspace villains that can shoot energy balls from their hands and major ownage with an attack called 'Deathball' (note: For universal domination only. For world domination, shoot people who are in your way. If they submit to you, use them by any means).
Step 3: Base construction
While you sucessfully conquered the world, you need a base of operations. Since the world is yours, you command an army of millions. You can make them build a base for you to oversee the planet with a camera installed to your slaves. If you encounter CATS to claim your base, make an offer he can't refuse (give him bases, apparently). Then your can make your slaves do any bidding you want.
Note of advice: There are people capable of killing you if you don't look out. Make sure your Secrect Police are in place to be aware of a rebellion being transpired. Oh, beware of Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer, Samuel L. Jackson, Hulk, and other people capable of killing you.