Homosuck

Homosuck is a Homestuck fanfiction by fanfiction author and MANGAKA EXTRAORDINAIRE undyingUmbrage11(real name:Caliborn). Though it was deleted from fanfiction.net under allegations of Caliborn secretly being a crime lord, timetravelling demon, and Hulk/Eric Cartman clone, Hussie still adapted it as Homestuck Act 6 Act 6 here. The webcomic is the last remaining piece of evidence that the fanfiction ever existed.

Background

Caliborn was an avid hater of the webcomic, especially due to his sister Calliope being a huge fan of it, which annoyed him so much that he became a Calliope-cidal maniac, just like that prehistoric dude from the Bible. After paying Jack Black a whooping 30 dollars to perform the 2011 Mass Shooting of Calliope(Jack shot Calliope 9001 timesThis is Uncyclopedia, not murder porn!), Caliborn still dreamed of writing a bad Homestuck fanfic where he mass-fucked all the characters. Though Caliborn was sadly unable to write due to having no arms, he chose to play some game, which was stolen from Homestuck, all alone. He somehow succeeded, even though for some reason single-player sessions of the Homestuck game are locked on hardcore mode, and was rewarded by getting the opportunity to become a time god after committing suicide on a color-changing stone(though after that, he won a fight with the Demiurge and killed him).

Of course, he used his godlike power to do what he always wanted in his life, but that could never could do... WRITE!!! And that's why he only wrote Homosuck after becoming God of Time.

Plot

The plot plays out similarly to Homestuck, where a young male Homo Sapien(John Egbert, protagonist of Homestuck) got a copy of some strange video game which allowed him to edit REALITY ITSELF. However, a LARGER HOMO SAPIEN(John Egbert's father), for some reason, did not let him take the disc. Therefore he had a STRIFE!!! with him, and he won and finally. However, when this happened, he decided to go outside, he got hit by a meteor and died from getting crushed. The story instead focuses on Dave Strider(referred to as an "alpha male") who successfully installed the game and calls a "MISCELLANOUS GROUP OF BITCHES"(Probably Rose Lalonde, Jade Harley, Jane Crocker, Roxy Lalonde, and M-shit-U's version of Captain Marvel) to venture into a strange planet(that they were teleported to by the game) called "LAND OF SOMEONE'S HANDICRAFT I TOOK". Eventually, after dealing with some horses and taming them, they meet the Trolls, who are thrown into the trash by the horses to avoid distracting from the plot of the ALPHA MALE's adventures.

And... Guess that the story ends there. There's also a few meta-jokes, such as the narrator clarifying whether they're referring to the reader or to the character when they describe "you"'s actions.

Plot(after Caliborn found a guide on how to draw manga)

After that... Well, it's a romantic comedy where the aforementioned ALPHA MALE falls in love with one of his GROUP OF BITCHES, and the rest fall in love with each other and give birth to eight kids and a muscular ghost. Caliborn's SELF-INSERT, a bishônen, enters and traps 4 of the 8 kids inside the White House using super-teleportation, and one of the kids, some gay Indiana Jones ripoff, blasts him with holy white Hadoken power, knocking him out. Another of the kids, Kamina, uses Manga power to trap him inside a puppet, which another girl, previously seen among the group of bitches, blasts to space using Super Saiyan. Also, a skull-faced Hulk-like time travelling gangster demon with flashing pool balls for eyes goes to spontaneously fuck everyone else for no reason, and emits the "Vast Honk", to show that he has fucked them all, and that he's going for everything else.

“Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! HONK!!!!!!!”

– The Hulk gangster emitting the Vast Honk(literally just yelling honk twelve times)

Legacy

Homosuck is now reputed as one of the greatest and most successful fanfictions. It recieved 11 billion Oscars for various reasons, including "Best Screenplay", "Best Actor", and "Best Use of Special Effects in Claymation". In responses to the awards, its author, Caliborn, sold one of the oscars to buy a bigger house and store the rest of the Oscars. He was awarded a PhD, a bachelor's degree in art, a MD in math, and way more, just for his use of the Caliborn Principle, a principle which Caliborn himself made up just for this fic. It spawned a devoted following of people who paint themselves green and dye their own fedoras with their blood because, apparently, All Your Base Are Belong To Us.

Of course, Homosuck isn't without its critics. The greatest critic, Fred Phelps, described his fanfic as "blasphemy which could only have been written by a pimp/crime-lord-like devil. Whose right-hand man is the devil.", and led a picketing at Caliborn's funeral. World-renowed critic Francis E. Dec has some... interesting things to say the least

“Homosuck IS AN ABBERATION AGAINST ALL HIGH HOLY THINGS!!! IT IS SuRELY A GANGSTER TIMETRAVELLING GANGSTER GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY BY A GANGSTER HuLK SKELETOR DEVIL GOD WITH RAINBOW GANGSTER GAME BALLS FOR EYES, AND HIS GANGSTER LEPRECHAuNS CREATED BY A VIDEO GAME TO HELP YOU ON HARDCORE AND LIVE ON THE FARSIDE OF THE GREEN POSTRESET GANGSTER MOON(GANGSTER SATELLITE) OF ALTERNIA. ALL OF THIS IS PRODuCT FOR A HIGH HOLY GANGSTER CHERuB TO BECOME A GANGSTER FRANKENSTEINGANGSTER DEVIL GOD, IN A GREAT BLASPHEMY SO GANGSTER SLENDERMAN(WITH A LARGE SuPERSTITION CuEBALL FOR A HEAD) COuLD DESTROY THE uNIVERSE SO GANGSTER PHARAOH PIMP TIMETRAVELLING GANGSTER DEVIL GOD HOMESTUCK HATER.”

– Francis E. Dec