Get Tae Buggery
Get Tae Buggery is the de facto national anthem of the nation of Scotland. Get Tae Buggery is both a reminder of Scotland's dark past, an oath of allegiance to the island nation, and a celebration of three of the five things that makes Scotland great: buggery, violence and spanking; the other two being alcohol and red-headed women.
The song survives in its original form, exactly as it was written by ancient Druidic Skalds at the dawn of history. The Druids--a cult of warrior-treehuggers in dresses--crafted the song after years of painstaking labor, creating a martial war-song the likes of which the world had never heard before, and hadn't heard again until Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You.
Perhaps the saddest chapter in Scottish history when the song was thought lost. For over one-hundred years, the Druids were forced to hum through their noses and suck through their teeth, hoping to annoy their enemies into submission. This strategy proved disastrous in the Great Pirate-Ninja-Druid Wars.
Recently, the Mel Gibson discovered the lyrics while penning the biography Freedom, heck! I Want My Willy Back!!--the William Wallace Story. Mel, a long-time fan of men in dresses, graciously accepted the title of Honorary Druid, a feat that only a few hundred-thousand men can lay claim to.
Its full lyric is as follows:
- Get tae buggery
- Oot o' here
- Afore a skelp yir airse
This can best be translated as "Please leave the immediate vicinity, before I deliver sharp discipline to your buttocks."
However the full version is only sung at state funerals and at the annual burning-down of the Scottish Parliament. The more common version is simply
Get tae buggery (repeat)
and is chanted dully at anyone within earshot, before it fades sullenly into a sigh of tremendous gloom.
Sharp-witted Druid wannabes and conspiracy theorists are always on the watch for instances of Get Tae Buggery creeping into popular media. A short and by no means comprehensive list follows:
- Roseanne Barr, in 1990, screeched out Get Tae Buggery instead of the American national anthem. Sadly, Men In Black arrived immediately and erased the memories of everyone in the stadium, and the viewing audience.
- Scottish Trekkies have noted that playing the theme to Star Trek: The Original Series backwards and at double-speed will produce a dirge that matches the meter to Get Tae Buggery
- Def Leppard's Pyromania video begins with the nonsense words "Gluten Glieben Glouten Globen", which have absolutely nothing to do with Get Tae Buggery.