Female Autobots

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So, find all the Mini-Cons, destroy the Allspark, stop the Decepticons, reprogram the stasis pods, defend the Autobots, plant the seeds of the future, process all the energon, activate the Omega Lock, open the Matrix, drink 2 gallons of a mercury-lead cocktail, light our darkest hour, and eliminate even the toughest stains!

Optimus's girlfriend getting man-handled. See that guy on the right? You know what he's gonna do, don't you?

“Transvestites - More than meets the eyes... Transvestites - Women dressed as guys!”

~ Optimus Prime on an Autobot Public Service anouncment

“Man! Im having second thoughts about being a Decepticon!”

~ A Decepticon on Arcee

“ Wait, wait, wait, wait, if robots have no reproductive organs, how do you tell the difference between males and females?”

~ Truthful Question Man on Female Autobots

The Female Autobots were a race of autobots that were conveniently left out from most of the series causing great confusion amongst the remainder of their race. These autobots included Optimus Prime's girlfriend, Elita One. Not even the great Optimus Prime knows where these fickle creatures spend the majority of their time, since they rarely appeared in the documentury work of Transformers. As might be expected, the Fembots, as they are known, took on the forms of every day mundane items such as spatulas, white goods and women's personal toys. Although they were capable of fighting, they did not, because women can't fight. Or so the Decepticons thought. This basic mistake, covered in Sun Tzu's great work, The Fart of War, was the Decepticon's undoing. An assault of spatulas and threateningly blocky appliances killed off the Decepticons, contrary to popular belief.

Arcee, who had some sweet wheels.

Selected Synopsis[edit | edit source]

Season 1 : Episode 10[edit | edit source]

Elita One on the cover of Gentlebots Magazine.

Elita One makes an appearance in Gentlebots magazine. This pisses off Optimus Prime so he decides to strike Megatron's hide out, so that he can't run away.

Season 2: Episode 5[edit | edit source]

Arcee makes an appearance as a parked Corvette.

Season 4: Episode 6[edit | edit source]

Optimus breaks up with Elita One after he found out that she had an affair with Soundwave while Optimus was "dead".

Robotic Misogyny[edit | edit source]

For many years, the Fembot's place was in the workplace fighting alongside the other Autobots. This arrangement came into being as an attempt to survive wave after wave of attacks launched by the ultimate power of Ultra Jesus. Once this force had been neutralised, the female Autobots united under a single purpose and formed a union for equal opportunity. This union, known as the SuperFighterJets Movement, campaigned for many years vitually unnoticed. Since their primary mode of rebellion was the burning of their core gender programming, most of the movement became indistinguishable from standard frontline robots.

Eventually, after the ruthless murder of Agent Smith's finest racing horse, Dr Robert Winston, the movement's aims were achieved. Their long standing slogan "A Fembots place is in the home" became reality, and given that many are adapted for such an existence with spatula and Corvette modes of transformation, it was extremely successful.

Students of robotican history may find i"t interesting to note that this is the primary cause of the reactionary movement of Autoeroticons. With fewer female robots making their rare appearances on the frontlines, bored male and gender-delete Autobots had to find other distractions from the cold hard horror of war.

“I know that what the Puritanicons did back on Cybertron changed you, took away your feelings. But perhaps someday you'll see that there are more important things in life than revenge.” ~ Optimus Prime on Exile from Cybertron "

While transformation was in vogue on Cybertron for a short time (see below), the vast majority of Cybertronians (known colloquially as the Puritanicons) do not change their appearance. These "pillars of the community" look down on those that choose to and the term "Transformers" came into vogue as derogatory term referring to any robot who disguises their true self through body modification techniques. Transformers slowly became excluded from polite society, saw a loss of Facebook friends, until finally they were barred from holding public office and forced to work in super discount chain stores outside the normal boundaries of the cities. This eventually resulted in the exile of the Transformers from Cybertron to Earth; an error primarily due to a malfunctioning navigation unit used during travel.

Every Transformer is now fully equipped with a Gyro sinkiourious Dildo. This allows them always to find there way, in and out of tight situations. Not including the ability to hit there target with great percussion, anywhere in the universe. This new addition also allows them to vibrate at speeds over mach 2.5 Although with the increased rate of performance, we have witnessed mass ejection of axle fluids with a pressure rate of 98,000.00 PSI. The problem was solved with a special return deposit Sleeve Fitting - Cap. aka "Trondom" This modification has been witnessed in action on and off film.

All the rage in Tokyo[edit | edit source]

A new type of role-playing has made its way into the kinky, kinky sex lives of innocent looking Asian girls. Asian girls have added to their already extensive fetish list of tentacle play and scat games a new type of sex game known on the streets of Japan as "Autobotics". It consists of some Asian chick dressing up like a robot and "adjusting my antenna", if you catch my drift. Yet it is still strangely arousing.

Appearance in "Revenge Of The Fallen"[edit | edit source]

There were three Female Autobots in the second Transformers movie. Since women have no impact on modern society, Michael Bay chose to make them all one character by making them triplets. Towards the end of the movie, one made the mistake of actually having a line. This problem was immediatley righted, though, because they were then all destroyed by the other Autobots and not by Decepticons which is the general assumption.

See also[edit | edit source]