Far side of the moon

The Far Side of the Moon, also called the Dark Side of the Moon, is permanently shrouded in shadows cast before the formation of the solar system. Invisible from Earth, it can only be directly observed by an astronaut equipped with a light source capable to cutting through the shadow, such as a blue laser sword, or a High frequency Active Auroral Research Program blue beam.

Study of the far side has contributed substantially to scientific knowledge of dark matter and dark energy (also known as the forces of darkness, or the dark side of the force). Most of this knowledge is subject to heavy secrecy classifications however. NASA officially denies that any of its astronauts have visited the dark side.

Geographical features

The famous "Man in the Moon" is considered more conclusive prof of ET than the more subjective face on Mars.

Geographical features include the Mare non Solaris, or Sunless Sea, on whose southern coastline is a structure resembling an elaborate temple. No visitor to the "temple" has returned sane enough to provide a coherent description, but it is generally believed to have been built by a worshipper of the Dark Side of the Force a long time ago, in a galaxy far away.

Observations by telescope

In the late nineteenth century, Percival Lowell pioneered a new method of mapping the Lunar far side by directing a telescope at reflections of the moon in the canals of Mars. This method had to be discontinued when it was discovered that Mars does not have any canals, and mass unemployment broke out in countries which had adapted to a barge based infrastructure network.

A number of other astronomers have attempted to view the dark side by telescope during a solar eclipse. This method too is now deprecated, because it exposed both the telescope and the observer to a deleterious combination of low-frequency light rays and high-energy dark rays. This invariably resulted in the death of the astronomer, and unfortunately many telescopes were seriously damaged as well.

Laboratory simulations

The Michelson-Morley experiment (1887) was a laboratory simulation of conditions on the far side of the moon. Its aim was to determine which form of energy was more powerful: light or darkness? The results were never made public. Both Michelson and Morley afterward moved to Salem, Mass., where they became founding members of the Gibbering Brethren.

Exploration

Exploration of the far side of the moon has taken place in three stages: exploration by British cows, exploration by Soviet tortoises, exploration by NASA astronauts (officially denied).

Exploration by cows

According to an oral tradition, the far side of the Earth's natural satellite was first observed in the fourteenth century by a British cow called Yolanda Daisy Robinson Smith, who jumped over it after hearing a cat playing the violin. As cows cannot talk, Yolanda was unable to describe in detail what she saw. However, she did make the comment "Moo!" or "Moon!" which has since become the usual name of the natural satellite. I can assure you that any relationship to Mu the "suggested" lost continent of traveller and writer Augustus Le Plongeon, who claimed that several ancient civilizations, such as those of Egypt and Mesoamerica, were created by refugees from Mu—which he located in the Atlantic Ocean. It also has nothing to do with Ishtar, Semiramis, Isis, Britannia or, for that matter or for that matter, Princess Diana.

Exploration by tortoises

The British experiment was repeated with a number of variations in September 1968, when the Soviet Union sent a tortoise named Ivan to take a look at the far side from the space probe Zond 5. Although presented as science, the space mission was actually motivated by Cold War strategy — Soviet leaders hoped to use dark energy as a secret weapon against the free world. Ivan returned safely to Earth, but withdrew into his shell when asked to describe what he had seen. Nonetheless, he received an Order of Lenin for his contributions to Soviet science.

In the period of the Great Leap Forward, China began a secret program to send a hare to the dark side of the Moon; but the program was cancelled after the Soviet tortoise won the race.

Exploration by astronauts (officially denied)

NASA has officially declared that none of the Apollo astronauts landed anywhere near the Dark Side; but they do admit that Apollo 17 astronaut Harrison Schmitt pestered them for a chance to travel to the so-called Vader's Temple region.

NASA however claims that Schmitt had no intention of making offerings at the temple, he just wanted to check out the stonework; and in any case, permission to go there was refused.

Unanswered questions

Critics have pointed out that the official NASA story fails to answer key questions:

• Whether post-mission medical examination of the Apollo 17 astronauts revealed dark markings on their chests, of the sort once called "witches' marks"?
• Why was the post-mission press conference with the astronauts postponed?
• When the press conference did go ahead, was Schmitt's place taken by his identical twin brother?
• Why the three moon missions scheduled to follow Apollo 17 were all abruptly cancelled?

Yet perhaps the most challenging of the unanswered questions is this:

“ If no-one has even been to the far side of the Moon, how come the so-called scientists think they know so fucking much about it? ”

See also

• Dark Side of the Moon
• Secret Moon Base
• Richard C. Hoagland
• Who built the moon
• Cheese