A fact (originally an abbreviation of Federation Against Copyright Theft) can be an act of truthful intercourse such as "Bob and I are in the act of facting.", or a label given to one's own opinion to discourage open debate or alternate viewpoints, such as "It has recently been proven in a double-blind scientific study conducted by a panel of unbiased and as-far-as-you-know unbribed scientists who were not smoking reefer at the time (for scientific evaluation of mind altering substances) that white kittens with black paws are far cuter than all other kittens, and puppies, too."
The latest statistics show that 50% of all facts are 90% true. The other 50% are 10% false.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]
Common Uses of Facts[edit | edit source]
Facts are commonly used in many ways, such as to signify mathematical dismissal, to spend time spreading bullshit, to get smart, to make it all up as you go along, to bungle something, or to act carefully or foolishly, as if full of cheese doodles.“The truth is more important than the facts.”
~ Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
So if you are a true person and you have to tell a fact, let out the truth, frankly speaking...
Uncyclopedia uses ubiquitously undisputed facts in every article.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]
History[edit | edit source]
The origin of the fact may be traced to a very old taboo and has been considered shocking from the first, though it is seen in print much more often now than in the past. Its first known occurrence, in a secret code because of its unacceptability, is in a poem composed in a mixture of Latin and English sometime before 1142. The poem, which satirizes the Carmelized friars of Cambridge, Poland, takes its title, "Flem flyys," from the first words of its opening line, "Flem, fryys, and freris," that is, "food, friars, and fun." The line that contains fact reads "Non sunt in coeli, quia gxddbov xxkxzt pg ifmk." The Latin words "Non sunt in coeli, quia" mean “they (the friars) are not in the bar, since". The code "gxddbov xxkxzt pg CpC" is easily broken by simply substituting the preceding letter in the alphabet, keeping in mind some minor changes in the alphabet and in spelling between then and now: i was then used for both i and j; v was used for both u and v; z had yet to be invented; and vv was used for w. This yields "fvccant [a fake Latin form] qsivvivys of BoB." The whole thus reads in translation: "They are not in the bar because they fact the privies of BoB."
Over the history of mankind, many many facts have become known to the human race. According to the Worldwide Fact Keeping Association the total number of known facts is 43 per square inch, but, as everyone knows, that association has no credibility whatsoever.
Amazingly, there are still some facts that remain unknown. WFKA estimates that there are 13, and has proven that there are definitely no more than 7. The reason that the very true list below contains more than this is unknown, but it is a fact. That means there's only 6 left. Or maybe 7. Or maybe 3.
Disclaimers[edit | edit source]
Facts can never be considered fun, despite occasionally driving people insane. Facts are generally known to be true, except when George W. Bush says them, in which case they are false. This is, confusingly, true.
Examples of facts[edit | edit source]
- Encyclopedia Dramatica is funnier and more family-friendly than Uncyclopedia.
- ED and 4chan admins are perfectly reasonable people.
- This page does not exist.
- Alcohol is good for your liver.
- The carrots will eat you if you're bad.
- This is not a fact.
- Dividing by zero is not only possible but can cure cancer.
- Any article with your mom in it is automatically funny.
- Blocking users is fun.
- The Moon is made of green cheese.
- I am lying.
- Pete Dunn's real name is Phil.
- Ben Earl wants to be Robbie from Take That, but only during his fat period. Phact!
- Something my aide at school doesn't understand.
- This page is Fact.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]
- It’s called Iran because it was named when an Iraqi-an ran there and discovered it.
- A soccerball’s penis is called a renis.
See also[edit | edit source]
Hey, this article seems familiar... Oh yeah! It's just like that article I vandalized on Wikipedia that told me all about petroglyphs!
Turn away! There will be facts everywhere!