Electoral College

“But I thought the points didn't matter!”

~ Drew Carey on the Electoral College

United States Electoral College
Motto	Winner Takes All
Established	1788
School type	Correspondence School
Head	You vote, we decide.
Location	Washington, DC, USA
Campus	in 50 states + District of Columbia
Faculty	9 Supreme Court Justices
Mascot	Fightin' Faithless Electors

Electoral College is a college in Washington D.C. Founded in 1788 by Ignatius T. Electoral, it has the distinction of being the oldest college in the United States, and the third oldest in all of North America. Its mission is to prevent people who don't matter from making decisions.

Ignatius

Ignatius T. Electoral was a stow-away on the fourth and smallest of the ships which Christopher Columbus used to travel to America. The Mamacita was a much smaller ship than the ships Leon, Pinto and Santa Monica, and Electoral spent the entire voyage hiding behind some boxes that were filled with clothes to donate to Goodwill. Upon landing at Washington D.C., Electoral waited until everyone else was off the ship and then pretended to be a guy who worked for Goodwill who had been sent to pick up the boxes. He took their contents and used them to start Electoral College.

Marmalade

The boxes were filled with marmalade, a type of jelly never before seen by the native Washington Redskins who inhabited the area. Electoral used this as a bargaining tool to encourage the natives to enrol in his school. The first semester, each new freshman was guaranteed one jar of marmalade. By the fourth year, his supply had run out, and he was unceremoniously removed from his position as president and dean of Electoral College, and (more importantly) scalped. By that time, the school had attracted enough professors from surrounding areas as to be self-sufficient, with or without the input of Ignatius T. Electoral. The college then boasted degrees in 18 different courses of study, including Buffalogy, Monosyllabism, pr0n and Women's Studies. As of now, the college is trying to gain university status.

Latter Years

More recently, the electoral college has opened branch campuses in all 50 statues of the union. It was decided that each state should get 3 campuses because the college's board of regents couldn't remember the number that comes after 3. Following a lawsuit brought by the ACLU, the college agreed to base the number of branch campuses per state on population. In order to calculate the correct number of campuses per state, they received a 5 trillion dollar grant from the NSF to study New Math.

See also

• Animal House