Conquest of Liechtenstein
| Conquest of Liechtenstein | |||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
 Yellow- Germany, Green- Italy, Red- Austria, Orange- Switzerland. The attempted conquests. Some say it was a strategic blunder. |
|||||||||
|
|||||||||
| Belligerents | |||||||||
 Liechtenstein |  Ubereich Germania |
||||||||
The Conquest of Liechtenstein was a long attempt to conquer the microscopically-small country of Liechtenstein. Italy, Switzerland, Austria, and Germany all tried, but in the end experienced an epic failure.
Prelude[edit | edit source]
Come on, who doesn't wanna invade Liechtenstein, i mean, it's just barely visible on a map.? Just sitting there, not doing anything, being so...Liechtensteinian (or possibly Liechtensteinese). During World War I, the German Empire was losing ground (and losing due to superior forces). So Deutschelanders decided to let the Empire fall and go do something else. The something was invading Liechtenstein.
First German Strike and countries join in on the fun[edit | edit source]
In May of 1917, the Germans finally found composure to attack. However, they totally missed, instead attacking Switzerland. Upon hearing the reason for this military advance, they decided to invade Liechtenstein themselves. Howevever, nearby Austria (tired of being upstaged by Germans) thought invading a country no bigger than Disneyland would be a great idea! Italy, looking like loners, decided to follow suit.
The First Attacks[edit | edit source]
All of these countries tried to find Liechtenstein so they could conquest it. But Liechtenstein is so small everyone missed attacking it. They ended up attacking each other or themselves. Liechtenstein is also so much like all the countries trying to invade it, soldiers often mistaked it for their own land.
The 20s and 30s[edit | edit source]
These times were filled with attempted conquests. Germany was using so much of its money on the military, it kicked off a major economic crisis. Many Italian soldiers took fur-covered highlanders as mafia members and shot 'em down. There were 500,000 friendly fire incidents reported. But they might have killed Liechtensteinians, as there's no way to tell them apart.
World War II[edit | edit source]
Because most of these countries were invaded or fascist during World War II, you can guess what carnage happened next. Everyone started killing each other and no one had any idea what was happening. To keep themselves safe, Liechtenstein ordered their army to take cover as soldiers form one of the conquested countries. Because of that, the Liechtnesteinian government eventually had so much military info, Italy was invaded easily by the USA in 1943. After the end of the war, no progress was made on any side.
50s and 60s[edit | edit source]
As military equipment got more advanced, the attempted conquests got more off target. Austrian troops entered South Africa believing they had reached Liechtenstein. An attmpted Swiss bombing ended up hitting Geneva, its own city. German troops marched into Beijing in 1967. They asked for directions, but the Chinese government hadn't even heard of "Leshingshwan".
70s and 80s[edit | edit source]
At this point, the country leaders were ordering a demilitarilized search for Liechenstein. Germans reached the North Pole, Swiss found Atlantis, Austrians found the Pacific Ocean, and Italians found Rome (dumbasses). Clearly no one had the slightest clue where the fuck Liechtenstein was.
90s and present[edit | edit source]
In 2001, the UN declared Liechtenstein imaginary. The invading countries disagreed, and the search continues. This has evolved into the Discovery Channel show, "Search for Liechtenstein". Now in its 4th season...nothing's been found. The search and military activity continues. In 2005, George Bush named Liechtenstein part of the Axis of Evil. It was quickly taken off after US intelligence found no sign of oil (or the country itself) in the area.