Bear Bee
“Like hell I'm letting those freaky bitches on my arc”
“Yeh, I really dropped the ball on that one guys”
BearBee (Squiggly: د افغانستان BARE NUTZ), or Ursus arctos horriblis apis mellifera, [1] is a cross-breed species of animal that was originally discovered in Bernstein, Germany during the mid AD's.
Traits[edit | edit source]
BearBees have very distinctive features that separate them from other bears, or bees. BearBees have a set of large Bee-like wings which allows them to excel at medium height air acrobatics. It has been said that BearBees actually passed down their knowledge of the air tricks to members of the Blue Angels.
Another distinctive trademark of the BearBee is its effing huge stinger, which is used in self-defense, and mating season to attract mates. Bigger = better in the BearBee world. The stinger however, is attached to all of the BearBees vital organs, and a small figurine of Woody from the movie Toy Story. So only the wicked stupid BearBees will actually use their stinger in battle.
There is much unknown about the BearBee but scientists are working round the clock to determine just wtf they are actually good for. There has been some discussion about the perspiration of BearBees, which may cure Down Syndrome, as well as act like an aphrodisiac for sea otters and snails.
Discovery[edit | edit source]
In some kinda middle ages a pair of burly Jewish lumberjacks came across a small village filled with the German Luftwaffe, so that got awkward real quick. The Luftwaffe spoke about a great beast that they had, for the time being, called "Vlondun Burjertitz" which was interpreted by the Jewish Lumberjacks to mean "Lukaim Dishnolz" which was then later translated in English to mean... I dunno, something weird, ANYWAY. The Luftwaffe were so impressed by the creature that they had decided not do drop kick its ass like they were going to do to them Dutch in Dubya Dubya 2. After the discovery the two Jewish Lumberjacks went back to their native Southern Kentucky to share the stories of what they encountered during their travels. Everyone just said they were just crazy Jews who shared a vague resemblance to Tony Danza... story of my life.
Social Structure[edit | edit source]
The Bearbee is considered to be a "solitary" creature for up to "6 to 8" "months" in the "year", but during months of activity the Bearbee displays questionably similar traits to that of human beings. Social Discrimination was believed to be a Human only trait but in recent studies scientists have revealed there to be an unheard of amount of racial and sexual (Segsial) discrimination, it is also worth mentioning that scientists concluded that if "BlackBearbees" were able to speak English then they would definitely use the "N-Word" on a regular basis... and eat watermelons as well as be good at sports.
The BearBee is aggressive by nature and will defend its territory. Frequently, during mating season, many Bear-by (plural for BearBee) will fight, or duel, for one mate. However, BearBees have both parts and actually don't need a mate, so instead of mating, they stay up late telling each other ghost stories and trading Pogs and 1st Edition Pokemon cards.
During mating season, BareBees, as of 2001, are required to wear Crocs and grow mullets. This was issued by Alex Trebec and California's governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
BearBee special abilities[edit | edit source]
BearBees have developed an immunity to missile drop kicks, nuclear radiation, and freight trains. This was a dominant gene in both bees and bears alike, which resulted in the BearBees heightened defenses. This "shield" was later named by scientists the "h4xx0r immunity shield." However, there are a new bread of "super" BearBees which as a result of genetic modification have even more awesome defense systems. The detail of these "super BearBees" is yet to be fully uncovered, but we do have witness that some Super BearBees can actually conjure freight trains that can shoot nuclear missile drop kicks. Unfortunately due to the BearBees hamster sized brain, they have not yet used this power to achieve world domination.
Wanna "Bear" Be's[edit | edit source]
There are many animals in nature that try to scare off preditors by making them selves look like the menacing BearBee. Animals that do this include the Giant Squid, Cammels, and the Aliens from the movie Aliens. These lowly animals will resort to strapping wing look-alikes to their back, and yell random one-liners.
Ethnicity[edit | edit source]
The Bearbee, like most bear animal mixes, has a large variety of color to it. Unlike most, however, the Bearbee shares similar traits to humanity in which these color differences actually matter. It has been witnessed by many scientists that there is the segregation of crapping, or Ass Depository, grounds among the Bearbee races.
Coincidentally it appears has though the WhiteBearbee's are predominantly responsible for BearBacial acts committed amongst the species. The following is a rough description of how the race of Bearbees compare to their human counterparts:
- White Bearbees: White People
- Brown Bearbees: Some kinda spanish
- Black Bearbees: Basketball Players