Naughty bits
 | This article may be Overly British |
Naughty bits are the parts of human anatomy that are sinful and have no business whatsoever on God's green earth. They were excommunicated by the Church in 1453, after Galileo used his in opposition to the Church. The word naughty of course refers to naught, meaning nothing, for there is nothing good to be had in playing with the naughty bits.
History[edit | edit source]
With the surge in popularity of France's shit in 1954, and Japan's main exports of rice and schoolgirl panties, the American government developed Naughty Bits to keep up with the Joneses. Given the task of fabricating the new recipe, Trent Schiff of Amherst, Afghanistan tried many different varieties of dried cat, then completely changing his mind and started from scratch.
In the early 1970s the British comedy troupe known publicly as Monty Python's Flying Circus (the CIA secretly referred to the group as Operation John Thomas) failed to improve on the initial product during episode 22.
The current formula for Naughty Bits is unknown, though the infrequent and embarrassing side effects have more recently led to a lawsuit. Defendant Novcarka Valleros of Örebro County, Sweden, claims that Naughty Bits caused him to go blind. Prior to the verdict – in which Naughty Bits were stipulated as "harmless fun" – the kitten population in the Eastern United Spades of Amerika had dwindled dramatically.
Fully recovered from the embarrassing lawsuit three years ago, Schiff now produces more snack foods for the Mouthful Enterprise. In early second quarter 2024 the long-awaited Muffy Puffies will debut to the American public.
Spokesperson John Holmes stated that six inches is the minimum recommended consumption for women who like to get pregnant. Any smaller Naughty Bits are just too small.
