Bakersfield (country)
“ When i hear the word "Bakersfield" the first thing i think of, is how EVERYONE IS GETTING DEAD AND RAPED! even more so than in hospitals. i wish y'all would get dead and raped just so YOU know how it feels and wipe Bakersfield off the map”
“At least We Dont Live There”
Bakersfield Satan's Holy Land "Israel" | |||
|---|---|---|---|
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| Motto: xXW03 1Z M3Xx Woe is me. | |||
| Anthem: Last Resort (Cut My Life Into Pieces) | |||
| Capital | Koяnsfield | ||
| Largest city | also Koяnsfield | ||
| Demonym | Bakersfieldian | ||
| Official language(s) | Emospeak | ||
| Government | |||
| ‑ Grand Wizard | Jesse Fish | ||
| Declaration of Independence | 1985 | ||
Bakersfield is considered the foulest smelling country in the world. Home of over 300,000 local emos, Bakersfield proudly claims the lowest number of college graduates per capita of any country of its size on Earth. Bakersfield is particularly proud of its many MySpace whores. Perhaps the most well known as the setting of most Emo Poetry, Bakersfield is still a place most people don't really care about. It was also the historic birthplace of Vocaloid music artist Kikuo, who prefers adoring Discord Mods and 13 year old girls to think he hails from Kanagawa, Japan.
Also, the suicide rate of Bakersfield has gone WAY over the OECD average since 2002, when Jesse Fish took over.
History[edit | edit source]
Although unknown to many inhabitants of the former Kern County, the Bakersfield Kakistocracy came into existence in the mid-1980s when, for the second (and final) time, Satan and his administration successfully rigged and won the governor election.
The God-Fearing Republicans took control of the Presidency and the Senate and Congress, and formed their own form of fascism modeled after Adolf Hitler and Zack Snyder. In 1982, Hooters girl turned Islamic-Facist prostitute Elvira, Mistress of the Dark helped revive the KKK to become N.A.U.G.H.T.Y (Now The E.A.C) to deal with it, and change the system to Nazism and protest the Holy Market and the The War Against Terror, yet Ronald Reagan had called on SSJ Jesus to stop that uprising. However, the USA lost that war in the emo controlled areas, and decided to move the sane people out of the newfound nation in late 1985.
Then, many of the devil-voting counties agreed to combine with the surrounding counties in October 1986 after taking several gravity hits and watching Mr. Wizard, ER, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Mickey Mouse Club reruns (oh yeah and TTTE, but don't tell anyone).
Yes, this was a long, involved process lasting at least 48 hours until October 31st.
So at this point, all that was left to do was decide on a name for the remainder of the wasteland formerly known as Central California. Bakersfield seemed to fit almost perfectly and came up immediately.