You Have AIDS
You, <insert name here> (19?? – ) were born several years ago and now You Have AIDS.
No whining or bitching. Because you can't. You have AIDS.
You at least want some questions answered?
You'd probably be better off just getting used to keeping quiet, AIDS boy.
And that also goes for the smart bitch right there that just said "I'm not a boy". You have AIDS, too.
Welcome to AIDSity[edit | edit source]
In your first and final venture into AIDSness, you may notice how the weather is neither hot nor cold, and how there are no rainy days or sunny days, because you are in a hospital (unless of course, you are poor. In that case, enjoy dying in an alleyway). Or more specifically, you may have noticed how you hurt a lot and have purple splotches on your face. Be very alarmed. Do not be alarmed. In fact, you may find in your AIDS state that approximately 100% of the sensations and phenomena you were familiar with in your non-AIDS days are probably still there, unless you are a sociopath, but then they were never there. Either way, nobody cares.
Remember how, when you didn't have AIDS, you wasted hours and hours watching daytime (and probably night-time) television? Well, this is exactly like that, except without the television, unless you're in one of those fancy hospitals, but the TV still sucks, so it doesn't really matter.
Perhaps you have noticed internet links to the cure for AIDS. Please do not click them. In the past, countless AIDS-people like yourself have fooled themselves into believing it was real. However, this is false. It is really just the result of a twelve year old being allowed on the internet. I hate that. You don't though. Because You Have AIDS.
As for any friends or family you have at your bedside, please rest assured. You will never have to worry about them again. They might be playing Angry Birds on their cellphone, or texting, or they might not be at your bedside. I don't know. They may even be mourning you, but don't count on it. Because they have AIDS too.
Things to do when you have AIDS[edit | edit source]
- Take medication
- Cry
- Take more medication
Or, you could try one of these things:
You Have AIDS FAQ[edit | edit source]
- Q: I was a good person all of my life. I lived honestly, I respected others and I made every effort to help those in need, whether family, friend or stranger. So, why did I get AIDS?
- A: You were probably a little more sexually active than most. Enjoy.
- Q: I was basically a selfish, belligerent asshole throughout my entire life, but I still think I was pretty sweet. Why did I get AIDS?
- A: Because you were a horrible, selfish person, and God hates you.
- Q: Why does the bad person get a hidden compliment and I don't?
- A: Because you were openly gay.
- Q: Wait, but I wasn't gay.
- A: Too bad.
- Q: If I hadn't read this article would I not have AIDS?
- A: ...Yes.
- Q: Can I create the cure to AIDS?
- A: ...No.
- Q: How about co-creating?
- A: No.
- Q: Maybe co-co-creating?
- A: No!!!
- Q: Patent?
- A: No!!!!! That doesn't even make sense!
- Q: Document?
- A: SHUT UP!!!!!
Bye[edit | edit source]
You have AIDS. A-Y-E-E-D-S. AIDS. GET OVER IT!!!
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