The best thing ever

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“It's obviously me

~ Captain Selfish on what the best thing ever is

The best thing ever is a title given to any object or situation which manages to not suck or be boring in any notable way. In early years the title was given freely, but after a Kelly Clarkson CD (although the CD was later scientifically proven to actually be the best thing ever) was called the best thing ever at 12:45pm, 23 July, 2006 by a Mrs.Westbynone, the freedom was restricted with an unenforcable law, which is the best thing ever.

Some examples of best things ever[edit]

  • Me
  • Ali and his gang (Specifically them Vs. Mr. Tooth Decay)
  • Drugs
    The best thing ever
  • Chainmail (Hailed then as "Thee beft thynge evyrrhe")
  • Canadians**
  • Hysterectomies
  • Spoken language
  • When that one guy did that thing with the other thing
  • Sliced bread
  • Welsh Rarebit
  • Justin Timberlake
  • Loopholes
  • Cheese
  • Bacon
  • The Karate Kid (Also known as the best around)
  • Football (American and otherwise)
  • Your Mum (Especially last night)
  • The Beatles
  • Whore
  • Lenore
  • Pie (especially peacock pie)
  • Not You
  • Frickin sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their frickin heads
  • That friend of your Dad's you called Uncle
  • Ducks
  • YeastYeast
  • Battle Pelicans
  • Money scented cologne (great for trapping aristocrats)
  • Bruce Springsteen
  • Brock Sampson
  • Vampire sex
Some dollars have genital herpes on them, but they're still the best thing ever.

The NEW Best Thing Ever[edit]

On October 31st, 2:13 AM, President George W. Bush (also known as King Dubya II) was held hostage by a group of teenage goth kids until he officially declared that the new best thing ever is now Cannibal Corpse. A group of protesters called the Kids' Irrationally Lumpy Liverspotted Jerks On Yams (KILLJOY) heavily protested until they were killed by being thrown in a room full of goth teenagers and beer.

The unenforcable law[edit]

No things are to be said to be best. Ever.


Controversies surrounding the best thing ever[edit]

In 1987, Bob Dylan denounced the best thing ever title whilst accepting it in a ceremony which had amongst the recipients, Michael Flatley. He (Bob Dylan) was visibly nervous at the ceremony and spoke crypticly in his speech about his father being a miner and left the stage on a motor cycle which he crashed into Michael Flatley. It was the best thing ever.

Bob Dylan