Wheeling Jesuit University/People/Presidents

List of presidents of Wheeling Jesuit University

The complete list of presidents of Wheeling Jesuit University consists of the leaders of Wheeling Jesuit University since the handover from the Dschinghis Khan protectorate in 1872. Due to the nature of sliding timescales, administrative cover-ups, and general buffoonery, years may occasionally be conflicting with other generally accepted historical information. Nonetheless, it should be noted that each successive president has had a unique vision of Wheeling Jesuit University's role in the community and in the world, as wholly fucked up as each individual may have been.

Years listed in parantheses indicate years in office and not years of birth or death, although in some cases the similarity of those years may be "incidental".

• Father Jazzman (1872 - 1899): The first non-Turkish president of Wheeling Jesuit University, Jazzman is most well-known for his development of D for Donation, a controversial money-making plan that remains to this day, although in various iterations. It was Jazzman's job to unite the factions that had been split apart after the Byrdian conflict and rebuild infrastructure on campus. He suffered from a weak heart and died of a heart-attack after winning a hot-dog eating contest for charity. For more information, please see his article.
• Io the Invincible (1899 - 1907): The death of Father Jazzman came as an unexpected surprise to all those who had worked with him, leaving the university in disarray. Supporters of Jazzman's regime feared seeing everything that he accomplished fall apart, so they came up with a fictional character named "Io the Invincible" to tide the college through the hard times. Students and faculty alike frequently questioned Io the Invincible's existence, as he was never seen on campus, but his administration would always claim that he was "very busy". For more information, please see his article.
• Father Haig (1907 - 1918): One of the most powerful and popular Jesuit presidents to lead campus, Haig was a huge proponent of scientific advancement and sought to create a cure for cancer within five years of his reign. However, several WJU governors had large stakes in medicine companies that produced cancer drugs, and the cure was blasted into hyperspace, never to be recovered. Haig slaughtered the Board in 1911 and re-animated them to his likeness; they vanished in 1920.

Lundius Superbus managing the university.

• Father Donahue (1918 - 1939): Desperate to kerb student suspicion, the university sought out Father Donahue in 1918, despite the fact that he was a huge opponent of Jesuit Emperor Fed Acker Huang, who at the time had been planeswalking in nether regions imperceptible to humans. One of the most philantropic of all the immortals, Father Donahue is best known for raising money for the school without the use of D for Donation and for the construction of Donahue Hall. For more information about his life and the building, please see Donahue.
• Father Rom (1939 - 1944): Wheeling College was delighted to welcome a priest from Germany to help run their school. Father Rom was considered a radical by many, starting up the "Young National Bocialists Club" (which later became known as the Young Democrats), as well as the WJU Civitan for "purposes of creating civil order through the evacuation of undesirable peoples". Father Rom is also known for his lebensraum plan that resulted in the expansion of Wheeling College's boundaries but also his untimely assassination by a disgruntled member of the International Student Terror Cell. For more information, please see his article.
• The Leader (1944 - 1958): The late 40s and early 50s called for a return to more conservative values, which resulted in the selection of The Leader as the next president of WJU. The administration, thinking that a "feel-good" president was what the college needed most, hired an unnamed hobo from off the streets, dressed him up in Jesuit apparel, and made him walk around all day with a thumbs-up for $2.50/hour. Although The Leader accomplished nothing, it temporarily placated more revolutionary elements in the school, such as The Infallibles and People's Peaceful Revolutionary Peasants', Soldiers', and Seamens' Party for a happy fun time and to get rid of that jerk-face Father Rom (the name of their group was later changed).
• Father Little (1958 - 1964): More radical elements within the Wheeling College began clamouring for autocratic, secular rule in the 1960s, and they thus chose Father Little as the next president, who was only eight years old when he was installed in that position (and six when he joined the order). Father Little was especially popular with the students, and he set up many new institutions, including the Academic Resource Center. Seeing as their plan had failed, the Board of Governors attempted to kill Father Little in 1963, but being an immortal and a seer himself, he offered a peaceful resignation instead of death. Father Little is currently the ruler of chain of galaxies known as Zeta-250.
• Father Bantufavi (1964 - 1975): The little-known Father Bantufavi saw Wheeling College through the drug-saturated 1960s, himself partaking in many of the "whacky" aspects of the age of social immorality. In his more "psychadelic" moments, Bantufavi initiated widely-hated programmes that paid professors fair wages and provided scholarships to low-income students. For more information, please see his article.
• Father Raculad (1975 - 1983): A brilliant organisational mind, Father Raculad's one personality quirk was that an ancient curse required him to feast on the blood of virgins on a fortnightly basis; for that reason, Kirby/Sara Tracy was constructed. Raculad disintegrated into ash when he was informed that were, in fact, no more virgins at Wheeling College due to the "prodigious" breeding practices that took place in many of the college's seamier locations. For more information, please see his article.
• Fed Acker Huang (1983 - 2001): Returning from his 300-year exile, Immortal Jesuit Emperor Fed Acker Huang saw Wheeling Jesuit University into a golden age; please see his article for more details.

• The Council of About Twenty Dudes and Two Hot Chicks was a temporary interim government that was in power from March of 2001 to September of 2001. This student-run coalition was an attempt at democratic rule on WJU, but ultimately failed due to infighting and poor cohesion. Superbus seized power from this short-lived social experiment immediately after their collapse. For more information, please see Council of About Twenty Dudes and Two Hot Chicks.

• Lundius Superbus (2001 - 2003): The shortest reigning WJU president thus far, Lundius Superbus became embroiled in scandal for his progressive financial policies. Please see his article for more details.
• El Presidente (2003 - 2006): WJU's president during Project Lebensraum who contracted a deadly extraterrestrial virus in 2006; please see his article for more details.

• Burgeoning Buffoon: With the abdication of El Presidente, the WJU Board of Governors selected non-Society member Burgeoning Buffoon to handle the running of the university. In line with El Presidente's D for Donation ideals, Burgeoning Buffoon spearheaded "administrative restructuring", resulting in the "purification" of numerous departments on campus. A small insurrection by the Justice Association was quickly crushed by Campus Insecurity as a result of this move.

• Don Immortal (2007 - 2009): Jesuit Mafioso Don Immortal replaced Burgeoning Buffoon as president of the university in August, 2007, and was defeated two years later after misusing CET funds to attack Papal Moonbase Zeta. For more information about Don Immortal, please see his article.

• J. D. McRackateer (2009 - 2010): With the collapse of Don Immortal's family, the WJU Board of Governors was forced to prevent a total collapse of 'operations' at the university while the Don's affairs were "wrapped up and thrown in the river." They decided to place one of his lieutenants as the interim head of the campus in an effort to ensure a smoother transition to a non-mafioso leadership.

• President Bayer (2010 - Current): Following the "disposal" of Don Immortal WJU began the long and arduous process of selecting a new president. After much consideration (and a few headaches) the university announced it had reached a decision. Having been greatly relieved and comforted by a particularly large (economy sized) bottle of aspirin, they decided to name it president. They justified this by stating that if the new president could bring the university the same level of relief that it had brought the selection committee WJU would be much better off. At least until the bottle runs out.