Wheeling Jesuit University/People/Father Bantufavi

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Father Bantufavi

Bantufavi.jpg
Father Bantufavi negotiating an important business deal with the Voice in His Head.

Publisher WJU Saga
First appearance 1964
Created by Churchill Society, Wheeling
Statistics
Real name Mike Bantufavi
Status Active
Affiliations The Jesuit Resistance, WJU Philosophy Department, the Black Adder tribe
Previous affiliations Metaphysical Plant
Notable aliases Father Mike; Mr. Peyote
Notable relatives N/A
Notable powers Exudes an invisible haze that induces hallucinations and false memories

Father Mike Bantufavi was the 8th president of Wheeling Jesuit University, reigning from 1964 to 1975. An Immortal Jesuit, Father Bantufavi is one of the longest serving WJU staff members, having served in various capacities throughout the centuries. Due to massive drug buildup in his body over the years, Father Bantufavi does not always appear to be rational, but often has better ideas than most other staff members of the university.

Early Life[edit | edit source]

Bantufavi first willed himself into being somewhere in northern Mexico along the outskirts of the Aztec Empire something during the 1300s. Records show that Father Bantufavi ingratiated himself with the local population and was made Chieftain of the Black Adder tribe in 1347. It was here that he began his initial efforts of converting the local population to Catholicism. It was also here where he would develop a long-term addiction to peyote.

Society of Jesus[edit | edit source]

In 1401, Father Bantufavi was contacted by Vatican City officials and praised for his work in his region. Having introduced some 8,000 new converts to the Roman Catholic Church, Pope Innocent 2 1/2 was interested in forming a new diocese in northern Mexico and placing Father Bantufavi at the head. The night before the promotion was set to take place, Father Bantufavi indulged in "significant" amounts of marijuana, "fucking him up" badly enough such that he was no longer perceiving in Normal Continuity. As such, he accidentally wrote his name on a Society of Jesus sign-up sheet, and was accredited as a member three weeks later.

Immortal Jesuit Emperor Fed Acker Huang was most displeased with the inclusion of this newest recruit, and sought to rectify his mistake as soon as possible. In 1406, Fed Acker Huang sent Father Bantufavi to battle Xol, an Immortal alien entity on the distant outer rims of the galaxy. Much to Huang's dismary, Father Bantufavi returned from the battle fifteen years victorious, and had freed several galaxies from Xol's tyrannical rule in the process. This made Bantufavi even more popular among the Jesuits and, especially, among the Jesuit Resistance.

The Greatest Game Ever Played[edit | edit source]

Galactus going shark fishing with Unicron. Galactus is also a champion bass fisher and grandmaster of Counter-Strike.

Desperate for a more permanent solution, Fed Acker Huang unleased Operation Wallhack. Fed Acker Huang challenged the legitimacy of Father Bantufavi's membership, fabricating documents saying that Bantufavi was a convicted pederast. Unwilling to let this aggression stand, Fed Acker Huang arranged a Counter-Strike match, entitled Father Mike vs. God. In reality, "God" was, of course, not really God but Galactus, Counter-Strike champion of numerous realities. Bantufavi partook in copious amounts of peyote throughout the match, which lasted five months.

Unfortunately for Father Mike, a split-second lag allowed Galactus just enough time to fire off a round with an AWP, ending the game with a score of 100 - 98. Driven insane by the loss, Father Bantufavi retreated to the Black Adder tribe, not daring to show his face. He later found a job at an In-and-Out Burger restaurant, where he stayed for many years.

However, the Council of Six revoked Fed Acker Huang's decision to remove Father Bantufavi's Jesuit title due to the subversive and patently ridiculous way in which the Jesuit Emperor chose to challenge it. He was visited by Father Stark in 1417, where he was duly informed that his name had not been destroyed whatsoever. Thrilled, Father Bantufavi followed Father Stark back to Wheeling College, where he took up a post as janitor.

Wheeling Jesuit University[edit | edit source]

A dearth of professors in the 1500s saw Father Mike become promoted to professor of philosophy, where he shared with his students his visions of tripping on clouds and big red skies. Students reported that attending his classes was an experience similar to that of "wrapping one's mind in a brown paper bag".

After the abdication of Father Little in 1963, the WJU Board of Governors once again found themselves at a lost for who to select for the position of the presidency. In a campaign spearheaded by Prophet Jessica, popular support was drummed up for Father Mike, whom she claimed would be a down-to-earth "people's president". Caving to public pressure, Father Mike was installed as president of WJU in the summer of 1964.

Father Mike's presidency was marred with controversy as the Board of Governors agreed to a number of deals that seemed out-of-sync with the character of the organisation. His first move was to engage the Sodex-Horde, liaising with them closely in order to jump-start the production of "alternative crops" in order to bolster WJU's savings. Bantufavi also insisted on a number of scholarship for lower income students as well as more pay and benefits for staff members.

In 1971, allies of Xol, the alien tyrant, attacked Wheeling Jesuit University and placed a psi-blanket over the compound that prevented psychic interference. The Board of Governors immediately realised that they had been under Father Bantufavi's control the whole time, as they had been breathing in his fumes. Furious with the number of radical changes made, after the Xol invasion, the Board of Governors unanimously voted him out of office, replacing him with the more loyal Father Raculad.

Although Father Mike was no longer president of the university, he remained there as a professor of philosophy. In 1979, he joined the Jesuit Resistance, and continues to serve them in whatever way he can.

Powers[edit | edit source]

Due to the extreme saturation of drug content in his body, Father Bantufavi constantly emits an invisible haze that induces hallucinations in nearby individuals. If he chooses to, he is able to increase the concentration of this haze, subjecting a victim to nightmares, false memories, and even visions of death.


|- style="text-align: center;" | width="30%" |Preceded by:
Father Little | width="40%" style="text-align: center;" |President of WJU
1964 - 1975 | width="30%" |Succeeded by:
Father Raculad