Wheeling Jesuit University/People/Father Jazzman
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After the fall of the Dschinghis Khan Protectorate in 1872 Wheeling Jesuit University was left in the hands of a local priest, Father Jazzman, who had proven himself an able administrator under the Khan regime.
Death of an Empire[edit | edit source]
As the Ottoman Empire weakened in the face of growing pressure from the Austro-Hungarians, who were being egged on by Fed Acker Huang, their forces around the world were being recalled. By 1870 it was obvious that the operations at WJU could no longer be justified and the decision was made to abandon the school. The Dschinghis Khan Protectorate had been very concerned about the well being of the school since their arrival and as such for the next two years began making plans for a peaceful transfer of power. Looking for another benevolent group to oversee operations at WJU, the Khan regime contacted the Jesuits, who they felt would be best at maintaining the standards of the school. They were informed that one of their local administrators, previously know to them as Vizier Jazzman, was in fact a Jesuit and that they would be comfortable with his promotion to the newly created office of President.
Changing of the Guard[edit | edit source]
With the plan in place, the Dschinghis Khan Protectorate began withdrawing forces in late 1871 and on January 1st, 1872, they formerly handed power over to Father Jazzman. However, at the last second, a board of directors was setup to help check the new office of president. Both the Khan regime and the Jesuit Order feared leaving that much power in the hands of one man and so they agreed, mostly out of fear of the return of Fed Acker Huang, to balance out the power with the Board of Directors.
With the departure of the Khan regime, the school entered into an uncertain period where no one was sure the school would be capable of standing on its own. Eager to set the school at ease, Father Jazzman enacted one of his most controversial policies.
Unity Through Plastic Balls[edit | edit source]
The plan that would become D for Donation went through several stages under Jazzman. The first incarnation of the plan, known as Operation Plastic Ball pit, was designed to raise money for the school so that they would be able to construct a giant ball pit where students and faculty could enjoy themselves for hours on end. The plan required the theft of Salvador Dali's The Great Masturbator and its sale. Next a student dressed as a bum would walk around with a box that said “$$$ plz”. But the plan had to be approved by the Board of Directors and since plastic didn’t exist yet the plan was vetoed. Crushed, Jazzman altered the plan to something approaching its current form and it was then given its current name. Students who got in trouble could “buy their way out of jail.” This plan worked well, although the crime rate following the transfer of power did eventually drop and the plan was eventually discontinued.
Hotdog Days[edit | edit source]
Jazzman worked tirelessly to bring the different areas of campus together following the move from the Khan regime to the Jesuit takeover. His efforts were fairly successful, although they mostly involved payoffs or death threats and the occasional egging of a house. It was under Jazzman that Campus Insecurity was formerly reorganized into a more efficient structure and several other institutions were created or revamped to better fit the new regime.
In an effort to bring the community together even further, Jazzman ordered that the second week in September was to be the first annual Hotdog Days Fest. In an effort to further bond with the student body, Jazzman entered himself into the hotdog eating competition, despite the fact he had just had triple bypass surgery. Digging in and holding his own, Jazzman’s heart exploded in the second round, upsetting the entire contest. As an immortal, everyone had assumed he’d outlast the rest of them.
His death shocked the entire campus. The campus constitution did not contain any information on succession and the fact that an Immortal died was also very confusing. This fact has lead to many rumors to this day that Jazzman was actually not a Jesuit or that he faked his death to attend to other orders.
In an effort to stabilize the campus after the loss of Jazzman, the board of directors created Io the Invincible, an imaginary fellow who would lead the school until 1907.
Powers[edit | edit source]
Jazzman has several powers attributed to him, although little or no actual documentation of them exist. In fact, any mention of him has been removed from the Jesuit archives at Jesuitdell, a move that has many questioning his enrollment in the order. He was said to have had prophetic powers, allowing him to see a few years into the future. Some credit this ability with his success in keeping the campus together, his ability to predict problems ahead of time allowed him to compensate for them. He was also said to be able to shoot lightning bolts out of his hands, although most sources seem to indicate he was actually just a poor electrician and his wiring of the Sarah Tracy dorm on campus continues to electrocute people to this day.
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| width="30%" |Preceded by:
Dschinghis Khan Protectorate
| width="40%" style="text-align: center;" |President of WJU
1872 - 1899
| width="30%" |Succeeded by:
Io the Invincible