User talk:SmackBot

You Are An Unwilling Participant in a Nefarious Competition!

Hello, SmackBot, and welcome to Uncyclopedia!

Who wants a welcome hug?!?!

You might think that you're being welcomed because you are liked.
Well
You have been misinformed. You are not liked.
Well, maybe a little.
Especially if you made a cake. Did you?
Anyway *clears throat*

The reason you have been welcomed is because members of an evil group, known as The Welcoming Committee are trying to score as many new members as possible to win some obscure statistic. Confused? So are we.

Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the airlock is right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Don't forget the big red button marked "EJECT".

Here are a few good links for people new to this psychotic wiki:

• Beginner's Guide
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
• Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
• Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, feel free to ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply put {{adoptme}} on your Userpage to join.

Consider yourself welcomed. Now get to work! -- ~ 10:51, 9 October 2007 (UTC)

Do you realize

That this message is splayed over a thousand pages, and you are the first to even notice? ALL HAIL SMACKBOT!~ 12:42, 9 October 2007 (UTC)

There's a lot of things I've noticed about this site. SmackBot 13:26, 9 October 2007 (UTC)

Tax Exempt

Sorry about being a bit callous in removing that template from talk page earlier, I didn't realize you were actually complimenting me! I like it when people say nice things about me, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I was a bit jumpy about people adding templates to the top of that page, since a user who I asked to stop creating one-line microstubs got angry at me and put {{schmuck}} at the top of that page... Anyways, thanks! In return, I'd like to award you the coveted award award.

I award you an award award! TheLedBalloon awards you the award award for giving them an award!

In the future, you may wanna just put nice things like this at the bottom of peoples' talk pages, stuff at the top is startling. Frankly, it scares me. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:51, Oct 9

I didn't mean to frighten you. I'll knock next time. SmackBot 22:58, 9 October 2007 (UTC)

Ok, but don't use the creepy-looking knocker. It looks like a lion's head, but it turns into a man-eating chupacabra when you use it. Some people I know say it's a cruel joke to play on strangers, but I just think it's funny. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:23, Oct 10

That explains why there are so many amputees on this site. I can tell by the typing mistakes. SmackBot 11:50, 10 October 2007 (UTC)

I don't know what you tried to write

But "שלים" doesn't mean anything. Also, do you really think someone will search Uncyclopedia using Hebrew? ~ 12:22, 11 October 2007 (UTC)

They wouldn't because they couldn't but they can now. It's a seminal development towards global harmony. Don't you want Uncyclopedia to be inclusive? SmackBot 12:29, 11 October 2007 (UTC)

That's what this is for. But seriously, what were you trying to write? Because it was gibberish. ~ 12:36, 11 October 2007 (UTC)

Oh, I see. Then perhaps we should have a Welcome to the American pages of Uncyclopedia page. On my screen is says "shalom", can you really not see that? SmackBot 12:39, 11 October 2007 (UTC)

Perhaps "welcome to the English speaking nations and other twits who are trying to speakth Uncyclopedia"? It wasn't Shalom. It was - Shalim. Shalim=שלים Shalom=שלום. ~ 12:56, 11 October 2007 (UTC)

You're absolutely right, but you don't need me to tell you that, do you. SmackBot 13:05, 11 October 2007 (UTC)

I always welcome comforting words...~ 13:09, 11 October 2007 (UTC)

I can make typos in seven languages, you know. SmackBot 13:10, 11 October 2007 (UTC)

Can it be changed to שלימזל? SmackBot 13:15, 11 October 2007 (UTC)

You can only make a new redirect not change an existing one. But once again, I don't see the point making redirects in Yiddish, especially when שלימזל doesn't really have an equivalent page here.~ 13:20, 11 October 2007 (UTC)

There's always my talk page, I could redirect שלימזל there. And by the way, it started as Yiddish but I think you'll find it's been adopted as Ivrit. SmackBot 13:27, 11 October 2007 (UTC)

Well, it's a common expression in modern Hebrew, although it still remains a weird archaic word in Yiddish :) Thanks for the award! ~ 18:52, 11 October 2007 (UTC)

Please don't smile at me, Mordillo, it makes me nervous. SmackBot 04:56, 12 October 2007 (UTC)

Cabal

In reference to your editing of Cabal, I have this to say: making an edit for the sole purpose of sending a message is childish, stupid, and annoying. If you'd like to have a conversation over the issue, consider the article's talk page or perhaps even my talk page, as I was the one to revert your edit. While I do recognize that the option you added was an edit likely made in good faith, the follow-up edit for a comment was definately in poor taste.

Please note that I do not have your talk page on my watchlist, so please leave any reply here. Thank you.

    EugeneKay wuz here (whine thank)   16:13, 13 October 2007 (UTC)  

And so I did. SmackBot 16:33, 13 October 2007 (UTC)

Pardon me for being even a bit erudite in asking you not to be an edit summary troll. Apparently leaving a message on a talk page is an "insult", and name-calling, to boot! I never realized that. Let there be no mistake about it: This is a flame. As for being uptight, it takes one to know one, buddy. I'm not here to criticize over spelling, but to correct and help. If you have something constructive to say, do it in the proper channels.

As long as we're nitpicking, that badge you gave me belongs on my thanks & awards page, not on my chat page. But apparently you never care about where you put stuff, only about rambling on in nonsense and being an asshat, and a n00b to the site as well.

In your defense, at least you've spent the 1 week you've been here making useful contributions to the site, instead of the months of slow, steady useful activity I have accumulated. Pardon Me. You fucking elitist "holier-than-thou" prick. Don't even think of calling me a hypocrite, I'm here to be funny, not get trolled over leaving a helpful bit of constructive criticism. Go back to Encyclopedia Dramatica if you can't handle a little love.

    EugeneKay wuz here (whine thank)   18:30, 13 October 2007 (UTC)  

So, do you have my talk page on your watch list yet, or do I have to wade through the geek maze you call your talk page every time I want to insult you? SmackBot 19:23, 13 October 2007 (UTC)

No, but every time you edit my talk page I get a little e-mail, and I wander over here out of curiousity. I don't put other folk's talk pages onto my watchlist because then I get super-spammed whenever THEY get a message. Which isn't fun.     EugeneKay wuz here (whine thank)   20:06, 13 October 2007 (UTC)  

Well, it serves you right for wire-tapping the entire Internet. Information technology is one thing but being downright nosy is another. SmackBot 20:13, 13 October 2007 (UTC)

You wouldn't be playing god, would you?

Or יהוה for that matter? ~ 21:46, 22 October 2007 (UTC)

That would be sacrilege. Kindly retract your slandrous suggestion. SmackBot 21:54, 22 October 2007 (UTC)

Education II

You know that instead of creating multiple user pages (which might get an admin pissed off eventually) you can create subpages under one user and direct everything there? ~ 08:24, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

So, if instead of creating another user account, I simply create a page called "User:Another-Page", would that be one of my "sub-pages"? SmackBot 08:34, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

nope, you can create SmackBot/another page. ~ 08:35, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

OK. Do I now need to rebuild my entire telephone call management system? SmackBot 08:38, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

I'd recommend that. Generally speaking, creating multiple user accounts is frowned upon. You can look at the archives at my talk page to see how sub pages work. ~ 08:57, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

I'll get my kid sister to do it. She created User:The Uncyclopedia Call Centre and she's quite good at that sort of thing. Would you like another Comforting Word Award for this? I have a whole selection of kind words and soothing colours. SmackBot 09:07, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

I never say no to awards. ~ 09:13, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

Thank you

Thank you for voting for American (species)! As thanks, I wanted to give you an actual species of Americanus, but, as I discovered, human sex slaves are apparently illegal, so this patriotic iguana will have to do. Sincerely, CUN RA Talk to me _

--Acolyte CUN RA My cat is better than Benson ^{talk stalk} 03:34, 2 November 2007 (UTC)