User talk:Newt.is.kewl

Oh Dear...[edit source]

Beware! The evil eye is upon thee!

Hello, Newt.is.kewl, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Unfortunately, we've noticed that your contributions - not to put too fine a point on it - have been crap. Basically, we think you're a spammer/vandal/10-year-old. But don't despair! We have ways to make you talk.. ahem. I mean, there are ways to get you out of this mess.

Beginner's Guide
Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends
If you're a vandal, this may be your wake up-call!
How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above four links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
How to get started editing on uncyclopedia
Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

Good luck and I'm sorry you got off to such a bad start. I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help or think this template has been placed unfairly, please ask me or an admin on their talk page, rather than going bat-fuck-insane. Alternatively you can ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome! Oᑭöᔑᔑᙀᙏ (vandalize my talk page) 18:19, 24 September 2025 (UTC)