User:Zim ulator/Jesús Jesús-y-Cthulhu

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Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Cthulhu, or Jesus? How about Cthulhu-Jesus, or Jesús Jesús-y-Cthulhu? Possibly even Jesús?




“As I recall, he was a fair man.”

~ Mark Twain on Jesús Jesús-y-Cthulhu
This is Jesús' biggest seller; the idol of Cthulhu. Next most popular is Mary, mother of Jesus, in a bathtub shrine.

Jesús Jesús-y-Cthulhu is the figurehead of a secretive branch of Spanish royalty, known only as "Those who skulk and creep on behalf of the Old Ones". He is one of only 4 surviving descendants with the blood of both Jesus and Cthulhu coursing and pulsing through their veins. He is beyond mortality, time and space, and his powers are deep and powerful. He can inject visions of Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat in the Woods with a Thousand Young, directly into your conscious mind. His mighty Jesus powers combined with his dark powers of the Old Ones make him unbeatable at chess, wrestling, competitive soul devouring, hand to tentacles combat, fishes and loaves multiplication, chugging absinthe.

Jesús-y-Cthulhu makes his living selling false idols to gullible people and fulfilling mafia "contracts".