User:Zana Dark/Thief

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Stop stealing japanese animation for american entertainment!

“Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.”

~ Chesterfield on thieves and property

“We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.”

~ Aesop on thieves

“The number one rule of thieves is that nothing is too small to - ”

~ this text has been stolen


So, you're a thief, huh? That's cool. Just keep your hands where I can see them, okay buddy? Remember, I'm watching you. Often, a thief will use cons, trickery, and slight-of-hand to obtain things that don't belong to them and I kinda like my stuff right now, so dont try anything funny. You can tell who your thief friends are; they are the first ones with new gossip or news, the first to try any new innovation or gadget. They 'borrow' your things and 'forget' to give them back to you. They don't know the meaning of the word "no."

Notorious thief 'Wet' Willie Nelson is famous for having said he robbed banks because “that’s where the money is.”

Thieves Loose in Society[edit | edit source]

The word thief in our society tends to have the connotation of being a criminal or someone of a lower order. Thieves are very necessary in the balance of all things, and have just as much importance as other types of people. Pirates and ninjas can be thieves. Thieves with lower inclinations will tend to gravitate towards criminal activities, but anyone of lower inclination will do so, regardless of whether or not they uphold the Law of the Thieves.

File:Stolen,jpg
This image was stolen by a thief!!!

Thieves are one of four main types of people:

Stop with the Stolen Jokes Already[edit | edit source]

Thieves are some of the most joyous beings to have around. They practically bubble over with fun. Obviously, Thieves make great children's authors because of their wonderful knack for creating fantasy. Some famous thief authors are: Lewis Carroll, Mark Twain, Roald Dahl, and the brothers Grimm. Refusing to take anything seriously, they gravitate naturally to the professions of comedy, the performing arts, and the written word. Hey, but I'm not saying that I'm a thief, so relax, okay guy? Speaking of words, Thieves LOVE word-play and twisting around meanings. A thief stole the rest of this s_

Thieves at Work[edit | edit source]

Thieves can perform well in any vocation; however, some vocations they find stultifying and drab. If a thief goes into business, it's generally for himself or herself, and it's definitely to bring something new into the world. Thieves are excellent in all of the communication arts, but rarely succeed in the news world because of their lively imaginations and their tendency to "add special sauce" to everything. The Thief is the ultimate D.J.; spinning other people's records and supplying irreverent comments in the background. Thieves have the ability to think on their feet, and do well in any occupation that requires this.

Thieves tend to flourish in the area of sales. Thieves are able to "read" their clients and can create an aura of desire around an object or idea, to where it practically sells itself. Thieves are very good at anything involving promotion of an idea or public relations work. They work well at advertising, because of their innate knack at building up an image around anything they set their mind to. As artists, Thieves tend toward the avant-garde, on the cutting edge of style; bringing in that which is popular underground and disseminating it to the rest of the society. Politics appeals to the thief, for in that arena they can "sell" an image or concept to the general public or usher in new ideas and concepts much easier. The political thief will fall into corruption, using unfair advantages or inside knowledge during elections. Thief president George Bush demonstrated this in the Florida fiasco.

The most famous of thieves, Robin Hood was always a fashion-forward fellow. Note: This photo was stolen when he wasn't looking!

Famous Thieves[edit | edit source]

These celebrities, politicians, and other notables are members of the invitation-only Thieves Guild.

See Also[edit | edit source]