Roald Dahl

As a Fetus

Roald "My Father Couldn't Spell 'Ronald'" Dahl wrote several books in the womb, all of which were extremely poor quality. Roald wrote quantum poetry and dreamt of puppies. He was brain-advanced and heavily bearded.

Childhood

Roald Dahl was born in Wales in 1916, three weeks before everybody in Norway died of appendicitis. This had a profound effect on Dahl's life, and literary experts claim that this is why Dahl ended each of his books with everybody in the book dying of appendicitis.

As a child, Dahl was constantly getting into trouble with his schoolmasters, and he would spend most of his afternoons gazing through the windows of a local candy store. To his sorrow, they would never let him in, because Dahl was a giant with telekinetic powers and also the candy store was really a front for a coven of child-eating witches. Still, these afternoons served as the basis of some of Dahl's later books. Books he eventually penned as a much smaller adult. All of this is TRUE. Roald's half-brother (the other half is a twin), Roald McDoald - Dahl, is/was a flame haired nosh siren who has bedazzled the World with top quality scran which entirely powers most of Essex. Roald and Roald McDoald put together another sibling, Tarka Dahl, entirely out of lentils. She sadly died with a spade through her head.

Adult Life

Dahl wrote most of his books during World War II, during which Dahl was locked into a fighter jet and not let out. He remains there to this day. But he had an affair and he got pregnant.

Unfortunately, Roald Dahl had difficulty with the delivery (it was a complicated case of breech birth) and died during the final push. All of the doctors in the hospital switched to wearing white gowns to symbolize their grief at the loss of the great writer. To this day, as a tribute to Dahl, some doctors continue the noble practice of delivering babies and wearing white gowns to work. The legacy of Roald Dahl lives on forever.

Death

After this unfortunate event (which by the way happened on the 23rd of November 1990) , his body was interred at Nazeem's curry-house, Brentwood, Essex, and part of his thigh was removed and used in a new curry called Roald Dahl. Customers reported favourably on the new dish, and the manager of the restaurant, Mohammed Patel, is currently in talks with human-cloning pioneer Luigi Embryone to make multiple clones of Dahl. Should the cloning prove successful, Patel plans to take over the world with a chain of global curry restaurants called "McDahl's".

Roald Dahl : The Game

In this best selling game, you could play as Roald Dahl and do his life again! Playstation 3 only.

Little known facts

Roald had a brother, Salvador, who became a famous surrealist Spanish artist. The Nation of El Salvador is named after him. He had another brother, Gary, who invented something called a "Pet Rock".