User:Whatthehellamiactuallydoing/HowTo:Create a parallel universe
Are you bored with existence? Have you no money? or are you just angry with the world and want to go elsewhere? If you match any of these descriptions then just create a parallel universe!
Why Should I?[edit | edit source]
A very good question indeed but an even better one is why shouldn't you? lets get down to the basics.
What will happen
If hypothetically you do create a parallel universe then you can do whatever you like with it: live in it, screw it up and obliterate, use it to save humanity (bad idea!) or sell it for lots of cash!
Starting Up[edit | edit source]
To create your own parallel universe you must be either rich or mad since nearly all the money in the world is now owned by Bill Gates, Sir Algeon of alton towers and some old bloke in a swivel chair with a lot of fivers it is more helpful to be mad, most people are anyway.
What you will need[edit | edit source]
- Nerves of steel
- A plot of land at least 1 meter square in size
- Internet
- resistance to penguins
- knowledge of at least 2 brain cells (or the IQ of a PE teacher)
- A cup
How To build such a machine[edit | edit source]
Ok so getting your hands on a parallel universe machine isn't as easy as it looks they cost at least 2 souls on Ebay. So instead lets build one!
Ingredients and Equipment
- 1 plank
- Lots of glue
- A 12 karat gold wristwatch
- seven sevens
- seven stevens
- eight cakes
- The Wicked witch of the west
- A #
- The flux capacitor
- A stainless steel toilet
- George Bush's last remaining Brain cell
- A decent uncyclopedia article (NOT a wikipedia article or the universe will asplode)
- Last of all an unfinished parallel universe machine
Assembly
Insert piece A into slot B enter a bolt labelled why!. Then press the :) button and listen to the cha cha slide on Apple Bipod (if no bipod is owned then go cry in the corner).
If all this fails then read the intruction manual you chucked behind the sofa, fail to read instruction manual and go to mcdonalds.
Creation[edit | edit source]
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth or as the aliens call it: next planet in line for destruction. Now for you to create your own universe maybe with a new earth only give it a better name like htrae. Now get your Dimensionator version 2.3463634345 (if you haven't got one read previous chapter) and stand in your puny meter square space, point the machine at the sky (maybe pray to live) and press the start button... THE BIG BUTTON FOOL! and wait.
Where am i?[edit | edit source]
If at this point you haven't disintegrated your alive and in your new universe (unless the machine broke from you fiddling with it too much) Now you too can start civilisation all over!
STOP!
You now have two choices either blow up the original universe and live in yours. or let the other universe live (go with option 2!) If at any time you get bored just use your Dimensionator version 2.3463634345 to travel via universes.
Parallel Galaxy[edit | edit source]
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away star wars happened and one day Obi wan kenobi created a parallel galaxy now for those of you who don't know a parallel galaxy is very bad and could turn all life in the universe into shrimp turd, because of this Obi Wan was expelled from the jedi order and ended up with a crap job after which he led a crummy life as a hermit on mos Egglsly. Yoda was very cross with this new galaxy and turned it into a tasty treat known as mars bars. So don't create parallel galaxies!
Spore[edit | edit source]
A game where you create your own universe some of the animals and other things from there turn out weird so practice inventing things on spore first. (bearing a mind spore is a game therefore has no implications on the real world)
Large Hadron Collider[edit | edit source]
A big machine to recreate effects of the big bang, however this is just a myth and is really the governments attempts to destroy the world. It involves black holes which are BAD!
What Now?[edit | edit source]
By now you've probably destroyed the universe and live in a fancy mansion on a planet called Marnodia but be warned creating parallel universes can attract daleks and the only way to fend them off is to become one yourself won't that be a bummer but beware they may of already taken over this very article... EXTERMINATE!
Relevant stuff[edit | edit source]
Universe, Parallel universe, Large Hadron Collider, Life, Black Hole, Death