User:VertigoRules/Wigglytuff

Wigglytuff
Japanese name	Llamamos
Stage	1
Evolves from	Jigglypuff / Mew
Evolves to	Audino
Species	Water baboon
Type	Water/Flying
Height	4 five dollar foot longs
Weight	Less than a Snorlax
Ability	Pleasing
Next Pokémon	Spinda
Previous Pokémon	Bulbasaur

“I would tap that.”

~ Britney Spears

Wigglytuff, the water baboon Pokemon is theorized to have been brought into existence when Mew accidentally kicked its foot while spinning, thus resulting in the "accidental" creation of a new Pokemon. Its native habitat is in that little grassy patch next to Mt. Moon, where it has bred vigorously with the Clefairy population that come out of the cave from time to time seeking bug trainer's Pokeballs.

Physical characteristics

As you can see, Wigglytuff is a pretty slim Pokemon.

Wigglytuff is a fairly fat Pokemon. While it does not share the same fatness level as a Snorlax, which is over 9000, it is at least a level Bo0bz1LLa-190 on the scale. It is pink in color, and covered with a lot of white stuff on different areas of its body. One of its most notable features is the swirl of pink hair on its forehead. This has been seen by some Wigglytuff researchers as the mark that Mew actually shit this Pokemon out and did not give birth to it (see Mew under Social relationships). The cowlick is not only unfashionable, but also serves the purpose of being a functioning tentacle appendage. This is quite convenient for the Japanese who of course enjoy rape.

In addition to its extra limb, Wigglytuff also has a very rare form of skin cancer which allows it to stretch to ridiculous sizes, provided that it is filling itself with air and cream filling (cum is not a suitable substitute and may result in the Wigglytuff losing all its hair, going into fits of alcoholism and rage, and beating its offspring savagely.) Because of this, Wigglytuff are sometimes used in place of weather testing balloons during thunderstorms. Also, Wigglytuff have been helpful for use in gigantic-enormously-huge-I-could-keep-staring-all-day breast surgery.

Twinkie testing

Depicted here is an unknowing Swinub eating to its heart's content until it is fattened and sent off to market. This little piggy went wee, wee, wee, all the way home...

Since Wigglytuff has much the same shape as a twinkie, it can only be concluded to contain cream filling on the inside. Under this assumption, many food testers from the FDA test the processing capabilities of Wigglytuff as a possible food source. Everyone knows this is useless though because only Swinub can be processed into hot dogs.

Even though it was obvious that Wigglytuff intestines would never amount to pig guts, French cuisine expert Jacques Chirac was eager to try "new ways of turning utter bullshit into real, quality American food." The course of action taken by Jacques and his team of overactive/drugged penguin filmers was to set up experiments that had long been since abandoned due to the radioactive nature of the twinkie.

Social relationships

While this pink bag of cream is weird-looking, it holds a surprisingly active social life. This can be originated from the truth that all Wigglytuff are the win and know how to show a woman a good time.

Mew

Since Mew was the supposed candidate for the creation of Wigglytuff, some believe it is appropriate to categorize it as the mother, and that the constant spinning cyle completed by Mew is actually a make-shift vagina. However, this is strongly spoken against by Tom Cruise because of the fact that there have been no whale ovaries found on the other side of the wormhole to date. Prof. Oak on the other hand theorizes that Tom Cruise only holds this opinion because he has a blatant hate for anything with blue or green eyes.

Clefairy

Wigglytuff being a beast.

Clefairy are Pokemon who are also quite pink in color, like Wigglytuff, and it is one of the few known Pokemon capable of breeding with it. It is a proven and well established fact that things of the same color want to screw each other. That being said, Wigglytuff are rapists, so their form of reproduction is thorough and violent and often avoided by wary Clefairy, though they do enjoy a good POUND then and again from a Jigglypuff. Because of this, Wigglytuff have adapted behaviors to emasculate their previous form and to pin down their sexual partners.

There are several tactics employed by Wigglytuff in order to get the impregnation over with. The first is to blow themselves up into a more masculine and threatening looking form. This deters the Clefairy from trying to run away since they are pussies and major suckers for muscle-bods. However, thanks to the constant confuse rays sent out by Zubat within Mt. Moon, some Clefairy have mutated and become immune to this condition; they instead become faggy and bi-polar, a deadly combination when an unsuspecting trainer goes walking through the dark of the cave. If the first tactic fails, the Wigglytuff will attempt the next which is to use their rape tentacle to exhaust the Clefairy. It usually takes longer, but the Clefairy are less prone to escape because the Wigglytuff sucks ass while the tentacle impregnates the Pokemon down the throat. This can be likened to woodpeckers.

There is some to debate as to whether the first form of Wigglytuff, Igglybuff, is bred from two separate Wigglytuffs or from a single Clefairy and a Wigglytuff's hair. This doesn't seem to be the case since both Clefairy and Wigglytuff have huge ears and Igglybuff have none, which is fucking creepy. Must just be some fucked-up mutant baby.

Believed by most is that if you press A, A, A, A, B, R, L, left tap, right tap, A, B, R, L, up tap, B, A, R, B, A, R, A, Start, Start, A, Start, Start, B, A, R, and then Select while breeding a Wigglytuff with a Clefairy will cause an egg to be laid that will yield a poptart when hatched. The three shitballs on Igglybuff's head appear to be further proof that Mew deficated Wigglytuff. Some theorize that these small balls contain testes, but thanks to PETA's selfishness in regards to animal sex, we will never know.

Effects on the scientific community

Dubbed the "Pink Sausage" by many anonymous female witnesses for unknown reasons, women scientists have been keen to get their grubby little hands on this creature. This has been particularly upsetting to all the socially awkward male scientists who are lame in the sack.