User:Thepoonhound

A Sonnet

Woe to you, O worldliest slave of thee.
Only thou hast been blinded by pride, why?
Let us who hath judgment reckon the free.
To perceive is to tell thyself a lie.
It is only time which must stand unstill.
Fixed to surprise is fear in a disguise.
Nothing is much as tragic as thine will.
It is great things which come to their demise.
O fooled by irony plagued by nescience.
Change is feared, innovation is revered.
Thou hast been touted by O thine conscience.
No start, no end, no cause to be endeared.
Thou hast been blind by such that will entice.
We are all just slaves of our own device.

Why You Are a Punk

Are you a tool? Are you a punk kid? Mr. Rogers is that you? Jesus, cut the foreplay! Are you too busy being on Myspace adding women that are too old for you? Are you messaging them and not getting anything back? What the fuck is wrong with you? You are a punk! A fuckin' punk, kid.

The Metaphorical Representation Between Getting a Bitch and Getting a Job

Getting a woman is like you getting your first job or credit card; it's a hassle. The only way to get it is to already have it. And once you do have it there are restrictions that apply. For you to know her, you already have to know her. To have a job, you have to have experience in that job. To have a credit card, you have to have credit. The world is a fuckin' conundrum.

Well, that's just what she said. It's true, you can't talk to her because she thinks that you are a creep and she doesn't know you. Well FUCK! Duh! Wait, you were born knowing your friends, right? Sorry, it's okay to talk to strangers because that's what we do. So, the next time she asks you the question that she already knows the answer to, say, "I don't care".

It's the same fuckin' business. Your first job sucks dick because the pay is low and the work is hard. There's even a high risk for quitting. With women, your first girlfriend will never have sex with you and if you don't do what she tells you to, she will leave you. You can't even grab her breasts. It's worse when you are married. But when you have a girlfriend, your ball's aren't caged up and your e mail isn't being read by her because your email isn't wildflower@website.net it's fuckin' battletothedeath@poonhound.com you got that kid? Stop being pussy whipped With credit cards, they charge you high APR rates if you either don't have credit (no credit card) or you are lucky enough to have it (a shitty ass credit card that makes you a loser for possessing) because your immaturity is through the roof. Men never grow up. The only thing that men care about is food, women, and sports. We will not take out your trash. Before death do we part. It is a fact that if men got to choose when they could have sex that they would be having it all the time. We would not have anything getting done today. But we do not even care because we are MAN!

How to Deal With a Douche Wearing a Sweater Vest

With women, if you are getting any, then it's because she's a loser and you can't get any better because you are a loser, too. Unless you are that other guy, who wears a sweater vest and knows CPR. And when he aces you for a woman, your job is to bite off his tongue once you have been revived. The funny thing about women is that they are always passive, full of irony, and they are talking to him and not you. Until it is too late, this will always the case for you, so stop dreaming at night about that new girl at work. If you even get to date her, it will eventually go down and work will become an odd lifestyle, full of denial. And she already has quit. The prettiest girl in the room always leaves first. ALWAYS.

Why You'll Never Understand Women

Actually, fuck that, women aren't full of irony; men are just so stupid they can't tell the difference between a mature conversation and the chance of getting laid. There is no chance of getting laid because she's already dating an old man, your dad. She’s just talking to you because she just wants some, non sexual enjoyment in her life. It's a fact that men misinterpret what women do. Every time a girl is nice to you, you want to have sex with her because you think that she wants to have sex with you. And that's okay but the problem is they don't. Women do not want to have sex as near as much as men do. And when you have finally realized that you aren't getting any, that's when you need to stop being her friend and find a friend with benefits so you can have sex. But by then, you can get a real girlfriend because you'll be as old as your dad. The hidden philosophy here is that by the time you get what you wanted, you won't want it anymore. Women are the same way. You can't have a woman until you don't want one. To get anything in life you have to first prove that you don't need it. You can't get a girl right now unless she's ugly, stupid, and cheesy. If she even had an ass, then it'd be a big bag of cottage cheese. By the time you get decent women, you will be so old and tired it's not even funny. That or you are rich. But both are so troublesome, you won't even get to enjoy her company. This is when you become, your dad.

You can be a rich man that can't really do anything or you can be a poor man who has too much time on his hands. This is why being told you have too much time on your hands is an insult. They just assume that you are loser who doesn't work thus has no money and isn't getting laid. Women are the best bullshitters. They tell you a lie because they don't want to hurt your feelings. And no matter what they tell you, it's bullshit. It's only when they can get away with what they say that they will tell you the truth. That's either by phone (80's medium) texting and Myspace (00's medium for emo kids) or with their old man, who is also your dad.

You Have No Feelings

Women expect you to solve all of your relationship problems with them. You can’t do that because there is none and even if there was you wouldn't. Well, the problem is other women, or other men in some cases. So when you get married, you have to undergo surgery which includes having your dick tied to your asshole to avoid those third party sexual encounters. That's what you need to tell your buddies when you finally stopped taking 15 minute masturbation showers and are acting funny. This is when you become your dad. But women are different because they are tricky. If they want to cheat on you they absolutely will. You won't even know it. That's when you (somehow) become your mom. Your mom was that bitch in high school who put out since she was 8 and always lied to poodle men like you. She would always pull that, "I'm not telling you the truth because I don't want to hurt your feelings" bullshit. Like you have any feelings. The only feelings a man should have are "hungry", "horny", and "angry". Happiness comes only if all three are involved. Now your mom had you somehow and then after that she got fat and her tits started to resemble a ball sack. Your mom is also a bitch who raised 642 children from the same pimp. The reason? IRS Tax Deductions!

All good things come to an end. Like Murphy’s Law states, “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.” Don't even bother with a bitch. You'd be surprised what a steady honest relationship can bring you. The only solution is that you stop being such a douche and grow the fuck up. Needless to say, once you get married you won't be having more sex. Disregard at your own peril.

Women just like tall men. This sucks because you can’t grow taller. That also means you can't get her. It's fuckin' gay, too because tall men are stupid. If you are short and have three degrees, she won't care if all you want to do is cuddle and not have sex because she's getting it doggy style by a man with a ten inch dick who can't even spell cuddle.

What Women Are For

There's no such thing as a dumb blonde. Well, yes there is, actually. It's a naive 16 year old that has blonde hair and as she gets older, her tits start to sag and her hair goes from blonde to dung brown (sometimes it curls in not-so-cool-ways). The fact is that rich men need women and women need money. That's why all those 20 year olds in college are dating their professors. You don't need money because that's not what buys your happiness... well it can, it's called prostitution. Money is what buys a woman happiness. Consequently, you buying a woman a diamond ring is foolish as you getting a girl's name tattooed on your arm. This is because that bitch is going to cheat on you and then you'll have to do something stupid like get a tribal band tattoo. And then you'll just be a tool. A woman can buy happiness for you, it can be a six pack of beer if that's what you want it to be. She's supposed to stop doing charity work for other people and start doing it for you. You don't fuckin' work for nothing. Motherfucker! All this liking shit you hate for her and what do you get? Just as we have prostitution, we have charity. Start looking into both, bitch. We work hard to be men, all we want when we come home is for you to get on that couch buck naked and play video games with us. We also want to watch the game. What you need to do is shut up and suck that tired cock while he's watching the game then get him a beer!

Why You Don't Give A Fuck

You show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a man who is already tired of fucking her. Women who are beautiful and have great personality are too busy for a boyfriend because they have to go on bullshit missionaries and work twelve hours a day every day (which never ends because they can get a job anywhere they want to). If not, then they already have a boyfriend and it's not you because you don't work your ass off and don't go to church. Men are not as religious as women are and that’s okay because personally, we don’t give a fuck about being saved. Just as the only time you need to be saved, the only time you should ever be concerned about the objectification of women is if you being concerned about the objectification of women helps get you laid. Like your ass wants to be saved and like your ass cares about women in that kind of fashion. Men who are warm and sensitive already have boyfriends; now you know how a man feels, bitch. Men need warmth and sensitivity too. It's called a pussy.

Now you know why you aren't having sex. You read too many books and forget about common sense.

We as men, the lions of society, like sex! A pussy is like a piece of steak. The best is warm, juicy, and hairless and you are eating it all day and night. We deserve more of it! Stop the excessive masturbation!