User:TheLaihoist
TheLaihoist, alternatively known as Tarja Lemmitty Koskinen, who is NOT shown to the right of this text, is a completely, 205%-batshit insane Uncyclopedian who enjoys writing articles and occasionally playing in a band. She appears to be obsessed with Alexi Laiho at the present time; this is subject to change.
Extremely Unimportant Information[edit | edit source]
“Extremely Unimportant Information is extremely unimportant and should be avoided at all costs.”
“Hell yeah, she's normal!”
“Oh, baby, yeah!! Mmm, hmm, yeaaaaah... ARGH! Vittu perkele!”
TheLaihoist, alternatively known as Wildchild, the Laihoist, and Tarja Lemmitty Koskinen, is a batshit insane Uncyclopedia writer and user, as well as a stalker of an unnamed extremely hot male Finnish metal guitarist (Alexi Laiho). She is generally believed to have no life and spends her whole life sitting inside her studio apartment. She currently resides in Canada, which she enjoys because of its great similarities in climate to her home country of Finland. She was born somewhere in Finland (generally known as Vuosaari, Helsinki) and it is believed that her family is not dead, but are, in fact, living there even to this day.
It is believed that she is currently attending university, but it is also possible that she dropped out at some point and is currently living off the money she makes from doing stuff. This is highly unlikely, however, as she still seems to have continual assignments and essays to be working on. She often listens to Metal music, and her favorite band is Children Of Bodom. She has been professionally trained as a Professional Headbanger and a Professional Crowd Surfer.
She is unfortunately afflicted with a sickness that causes her to have extreme nosebleeds when stress approaches, and physically (and mentally) faint when stress rears its ugly head. Due to the stress that computers cause, her current washing-machine laptop has various bloodstains on it. If you ever meet her in real life (which you will never do, because she has not seen the light of day for at least 4 years), and she has bloodstains on her, do not worry. This is probably not because she has read this HowTo and been successful, but more likely because she has had yet another nosebleed due to stress.
Well, probably.
Oh, yeah! Here's a message from the great Tarja Lemmitty Koskinen herself.
Moar Shit Plz (a Short Message)[edit | edit source]
Why are you still here? Whatever, whatever. Just stay here as long as you want! Nobody really gives a fuck anyway, seeing as this is my own personal vanity page for me to put up all my shit!
Do you want to know what a crusade is? Well, according to that awful website that's constantly ripping off Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia, it's a religious war of some sort! Since Laihoism is a perfectly certifiable religion, and since it's not founded by a group of potentially insane Irish drunkards, I feel that it's possible to go on a Laihoism Crusade! Yes, that's right, a Laihoism motherfucking CRUSADE!
My Crusades[edit | edit source]
So, as of today, whatever day that is, because I'm drunk, my crusades and schedule are as follows:
- Convince world that Alexi Laiho is, in fact, male (and that he is only Avril Lavigne when he's drunk, and not at any other times)
- Convince world that Alexi Laiho is the one tr00 god and all others are nothing but clones
- Be a grammar Nazi and fix all grammar errors on Uncyclopedia
- Fix the Children of Bodom article (WIP)
- Fix the Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare article (WIP)
- Fix the Alexi Laiho article (WIP)