User:SunRainbowMoth/Nicole Ritchie
| Nicole Richie | |
| Date of birth: | late 1981 (per bone sample) |
| Height: | 5'1" (155cm) |
|---|---|
Nicole Skeleton Richie (Archaologists date the skeleton to late 1981) is an American anti-eater. The daughter of Lionel Richie, she is best known for whoring around with Paris Hilton.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Nicole Richie (born Nicole Camille Escovedo Valdez Norman Butterfly Urbanencko Francoise Fruit-Bat Richie) was built in California. Her father is widely rumored a high school science teacher, but this was directly denied by Richie in November 2005 who stated that she was actually the end result of a famous Nobel winning scientist who won the award for Biology and Human Cloning. According to Lionel Richie her biological mother was a backstage assistant for Lionel, who he kidnapped for other non-related experiments. When Nicole was 3, Lionel and his wife Brenda Harvey-Richie informally adopted her. When she was 9, they went through the legal formalities of the adoption; she still speaks the annonymous high school teacher. Richie said of her heritage that she was a "mix of everything". If you were to shine a light on her body, you would be able to see that, despite her weight of 32 pounds, she is absolutely correct.
A year later, Lionel and Brenda split. Instead of splitting their daughter into two equal halves, they gave her an inspiring speech about being someone and making them proud. So she started using marijuana, cocaine, and heroin, got arrested three times, and became involved in five car accidents. It was when she went into drug rehabilitation in 2003 that Lionel Ritchie said, "You dumb bitch".
From these inspiring words, Nicole went into studying guitar, cello, violin, piano, and figure skating. Richie attended The Buckley School and attended the University of Arizona.
Career[edit | edit source]
The Simple Life[edit | edit source]
After meeting up with Paris Hilton, Nicole decided it would be a good career move to become involved in a Reality TV show. After the show was cancelled, Nicole went on a hunger strike. The networks didn't pay any attention, but Nicole didn't seem to mind.
Acting[edit | edit source]
Richie made her acting debut with in several supporting roles on TV. No one noticed.
Music[edit | edit source]
Another project of Richie's is a music album. No one took her seriously. When questioned, the representative at her label laughed.
Other career activities[edit | edit source]
Richie wrote a semi-autobiographical novel. The novel is loosely based on her life, but is mostly fictional. Jesus, is this chick boring or what?
Richie is a former model for Size 0 jeans.
Media spotlight[edit | edit source]
Friendship with Paris Hilton[edit | edit source]
A report in 2005 said that their friendship was in trouble. Nicole Ritchie bragged about a Paris Hilton sex tape. There were also rumors of Hilton's being jealous of Richie's rising stardom. No one really cared.
On October 9th, 2006 Richie and Hilton reportedly reconciled their friendship. A recent survey about this historic event showed that 90% of all Americans were more interested in breast implants then they were about Nicole and Paris.
Drugs and driving arrests[edit | edit source]
In February of 2003, Richie was arrested in California and charged with possession of heroin. She was also driving with a suspended driver's license. When asked for his opinion, Lionel Ritchie was reported as saying, "No comment. Get the hell out of my house."
On December 11, 2006, Richie was arrested by the California Highway Patrol after she failed a field sobriety test and was charged with driving under the influence of drugs on California State Route 134 in Burbank, California. Several motorists had reported an SUV entering the freeway on the exit ramp and traveling in the wrong direction. She admitted to using marijuana and Vicodin before the incident. When asked for his opinion, Lionel Ritchie couldn't be reached for comment.
Health issues[edit | edit source]
In the spring of 2006, Richie made media headlines with a dramatically thinner appearance, dropping from 70 pounds to 40 pounds. On October 27, 2006, it was announced that Nicole was seeking treatment for "an inability to put on weight". The high school teacher said while creating Nicole Richie, he forgot to put in the ability to eat. He apologized to Nicole before leaving on a plane to Cancun.
Personal life[edit | edit source]
In the summer of 2006, Nicole dated the entire country of Canada. She later hired all Canadians to be her backup singers for her CD that will be out in stores soon. Promise.
She became engaged to club DJ Gangsta Humpa, in February 2005. They had been dating since 2003 and were set to marry in the summer of 2006. On December 7, 2005, she and Gangsta broke off their nine-month engagement. All Canadians were relieved.
In August 2006, Nicole began dating some dumbass from Good Charlotte. And as of January 2007, photos of the two on holiday over New Years', seem to confirm the rumours. Since then, Nicole lost her rights to visit Canada.
Selected filmography[edit | edit source]
...what, you were expecting something earth shattering?