User:Spuds1/Ruebenland

“Think of places like Paris, Tuscany and Rome. Then imagine a shit load of ice was dumped all over them. That's Ruebenland.”

~ A Guide To Ruebenland on Ruebenland

Ruebenland is an island nation in the North Atlantic ocean off the southern coast of Greenland. It's capital, Rueben City, was recently named number 2 in the Top 50 cities with the worst living conditions, just behind Detroit

Ruebenland The Republic of Ruebenland Ruebenland
Motto: In Rueben We Trust
Anthem: The Macarena
Capital	Rueben City
Largest city	Ruebenueben
Official language(s)	Ruebenese
Government	Ruebenism
King	Rueben XVII
‑ Queen	Ugly Bitch
Population	5400
National Hero(es)	Rueben R. Ruebenstein
Established	1722
Currency	1 Ruebenar = 100 Ruebenos
Religion	Rueben worship
Major exports	People named Rueben, Ice (frozen water)
Major imports	People not named Rueben, Ice (the drug)

History

Early History

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth. The latter included a section of land that would one day break away from mainland Canada and drift north towards Greenland. This unremarkable island remained untouched for millions of years until the Great Explorers came along and overlooked it.

Discovery

Ruebenland was discovered in 1699 by Dutch explorer Rueben R. Ruebenstein. Ruebenstein left Holland in 1697 searching for the Great Southern Land. He followed a map which had drawn but because he had drawn it upside down, he ended up in the Arctic. After surviving an attack from the Arctic Monkeys, he got drunk and crashed his vessel into cliffs on the southern coast of an as yet undiscovered island. He named the island after himself and remained there, devouring his entire crew to survive until his death from crabs contracted from his First Mate.

Formation

Ruebenland officially became a republic on March 16th, 1722. Its first ruler was King Rueben I, known as Rueben the Noble by his subjects and cynical historians who recently discovered his massive hidden cache of stolen contraband.

Modern History

Wars

The Pointless War (1778)

In May 1788, King Rueben IV declared war on North Isle, a small island off Ruebenland's northern coast. Six months later his troops returned victorious, a fairly easy victory considering North Isle was, and still is, uninhabited.

The Ruebenian-Canadian War (1918-1919)

In 1918, in the closing days of World War I, Ruebenland first heard that it was going on. Desperate for Ruebenland to be part of world history, King Rueben XII (aka Rueben the Incompetent) declared war on Canada using the only means of communication available at the time, carrier pigeon. He tried to send troops to Canada, but the pigeons could not support their weight. This lead to the tragic drowning of 15 soldiers and about 40 pigeons. After a year with no word from Canada, the people of Ruebenland begged their King to declare peace. King Rueben XII replied that peace would be declared over his dead body, a condition that was met the next day when he was assassinated.

Rulers

	aka	Reign	Method of Descension
King Rueben I	Rueben the Noble	1722-1745	Death (spontaneous combustion)
King Rueben II	Rueben II: The Sequel	1745-1745	Overthrown during Coronation
King Rueben III	Rueben the Rubenesque	1745-1756	Death (Choked on broccoli on first day of new diet)
King Rueben IV	Rueben the Flatulent	1756-1790	Banished for touching his wifes leg after only 27 years of marraige
King Rueben V	Rueben the Bootylicious	1790-1805	Death (Anal implosion)
King Rueben VI	Rueben the Master Debater	1805-1831	Death (Fatally shot during debate about gun laws)
King Rueben VII	Rueben the Boorish	1831-1831	Death (Papercut)
King Rueben (Unlisted)	Rueben the Old Git	1831-1855	Death (Got too old for this shit)
King Rueben IX	Rueben the Unsightly	1855-1861	Death (Sacrificed by satanic cult)
King Rueben X	Rueben the Tenth	1861-1891	Death (Murdered by newborn son)
Pepsi Presents King Rueben XI	Rueben the Fuckwit	1891-1904	Abdicated then moved to Amsterdam with his eleven wives
King Rueben XII	Rueben the Incompetent	1904-1919	Assassinated after making pro-Canadaian comment during parliament
King Rueben XIV	Rueben the Narcoleptic	1919-1929	Abdicated and moved to US under new name Chuck Norris
King Rueben XV	Rueben the Hermaphrodite	1929-1984	Senility
King Rueben XVI	Rueben the Womaniser	1984-1990	Death (Had sex with Lorena Bobbitt)
King Rueben XVII	Rueben the Well Hung	1990-present

Ruebenland Today

Tourism

Ruebenland is home to some spectacular natural wonders and tourist attractions. Or so says the hugely misleading guidebook. However visitors to cold, wet and fucking miserable open freezer will find little to see except for whopping great quanties of ice and snow. And that's only if you're one of the lucky 15% who survive the arduous sea voyage from Iceland across the rough unforgiving seas of the Arctic.

Crazy Laws

Crazy Laws of Ruebenland

All tourists must play one game of Ice Hockey for their visas to be official All sandwiches must contain cheese It is illegal to swear unless you are making a derogitory remark about Canada It is illegal to be nude in a public place if you are fat and/or ugly

Sport

Without doubt, Ice Hockey is the biggest sport in Ruebenland. The Ruebenland Hockey League (RHL) is the elite competition and has generated some of the NHL's biggest drug cheats. Ruebenland's greatest player is Rueben DeRueben, who collected eleven RHL MVP awards during his career, five of which he actually won. DeRueben moved to America to play NHL for the New York Yankees. This error led to him becoming a baseball superstar whose illustrious career came to a spectacular demise when he was sacked in disgrace after testing negative to steroids.

|- style="text-align: center;" | width="30%" |Preceded by:
Detroit
| width="40%" style="text-align: center;" |Cities With The Worst Living Conditions
Rueben City - #2 - 2007 | width="30%" |Succeeded by:
Baghdad