User:Shabidoo/interstate 95

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Interstate 95
Length:	Stopped counting at at 1 mile
Formed:	July 4, 1776
South end:	Destroyed
North end:	Canada (cold America)
System:	Jerry Seinfeld Interstate Highway System

Interstate 95 is a multi-lane highway that goes through the affluent Eastern seaboard states. It is the most prestigious highway and the further North one drives the more sophisticated and woke it becomes. It was born from President Eisenhowers communist plot to invest billions of American's hard working tax dollars into roads that free loading lazy people could use for free. Luckily over time some states have introduced tolls such as in New Jersey. The road takes on different qualities in different states ranging from the absolute shrivelled grape sized section in Washington D.C. to the New York State portion (mostly a parking lot) to the Florida area (used as an ashtray and refuse dump for discarded beer cans).

History

The original interstate was drempt up by the founding fathers who believed the original 13 colonies could be connected by the most glorious dirt road the world has ever seen. By the end of the second world war it was realised that asphalt was easier on a car's tires and transmission and it was decided to pour molten gravel and tar so that America's beautiful country side could be permanently scarred. With Eisenhower's socialist reign he paved over America's traditional dirt roads (which conservative folk wanted to preserve as a part of "Confederate statues@America's history"

New York and Connecticut

The first section of interstate 95 was built through NYC and it actually predates the adventurous second world war. People needed to drive their horses and buggies from Manhattan to their country homes in Connecticut. The mad rush on Friday after the work week ended and hundreds of buggies all clogged the small roads (along with their train of negro servants and boxes with their finest china and seance equipment). This meant heavy traffic and frustrated rich and connected folk. Naturally a special road was created (funded by the plebeians who were content taking their overstuffed ferries and putrid underground trains). It was a roaring success and was soon copied in other states.

New Jersey

New Jersey was the third state to be added to the system. Their through road was incorporated into the network though they were rarely used because the state had already tolled their citizens to death with their turnpikes.

Mexico, CUBA, and Florida

Sometimes, the traffic is so bad even the "GTFO of here" lanes are screwed.

A shining example of why American highways are so safe and simple to navigate.

Georgia

Georgia (Georgian: საქართველო, IPA: [sɑkʰɑrtʰvɛlɔ]) is a country in the Caucasus region, at the intersection of of Eastern Europe and Western Asia. It is bounded...

Carolinas

The North Carolina section was added after the illustrious D.C. portion and they simply have absolutely handsome roads. Nobody cares about South Carolina's portion and they are seriously jealous of North Carolina's superior asphalt and major airport hubs. South Carolina suffers from transportation inferiority and it shows through the amount of dangerous potholes and abandoned signs on their stretch of the interstate. S.C. want to join N.C. for many other reasons to make a super Carolina (with a super highway) but America doesn't want to go back to the 49 star flag

DC

“It's not a row of wood.”

~ Captain Obvious on the Woodrow Wilson Bridge

WILLLLLSONNNNNNN!!!!!

The 0.11 miles that pass through Washington D.C. are the most sacred and holy parts of the highway. Each tenth of a mile is dedicated to one of America's great prsidents. Since there were only five of them the rest are just dedicated to some social justice activist or whatever who made lives better for some minority nobody cares about.

Maryland

The section that goes through Baltimore is considered the most dangerous and has the lowest value possible. Nobody has gotten around to fixing up the bullet holes in the road and the signage. Many Americans deviate at this point on the interstate and choose and alternative route. Some people's car insurance insist they do this.

Delaware

Oh yeah...it also goes through Delaware, people always forget Deleware exists. Does it?

New England

File:I-95 NE.png

I-95 can take you anywhere in New England. Or can it?

Road Island

Here, the route is known for covering all of the state's area by itself.

Massachusetts

File:I-95 Exiy 60.jpg

Only this exit in Massachusetts is believed to lead to the minotaur. All the others are dead ends.

Old New Hampshire

New Hampshire encourages drunk driving by placing a liquor stores every mile or so and offering super cheap gas. They are rewarded with lots of desireable horrid car crashes which being American media to their roads to show the grizzly wreckage.

Maine

The Maine attraction of this section of the route.

New Brunswick

The section built in New Brusnwick is the only actual highway in Canada as they cannot afford their own multicarriage roads. People even drive all the way to NB (on Canada's two lane death trails) just to see what a proper American highway looks like. It is the pride of the Province and they even have a ceremony every year to thank Americans for civilising their nation.

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