User:Shabidoo/happymonkeycompetition/2015/The Woodburninator Scores and comments
Results and scores for Woodburninator
Article: Nuclear Football
From Sarah[edit | edit source]
| Creativity | Humour | Originality | Total |
|---|---|---|---|
| 8/10 | 6,5/10 | 8/10 | 22,5/30 |
I agree with my fellow judges: very original and creative but could certainly have been shorter. I did however find quite a few things funny in your article: Chad's pidgeon english as mentioned by the others, but also Rufus's 'relationship' with Jessica is a nice detail (the happy place made me laugh), Luis not being able to get out of the van because he locked the doors, Palin's softer stance on immigration (ha!) and the 3 year inquiry. I also liked the detailed information on when and where the story takes place. Well done!
From GrammarFegelein[edit | edit source]
| Creativity | Humour | Originality | Total |
|---|---|---|---|
| 8/10 | 4/10 | 8/10 | 20/30 |
This article is really original and creative but for me, the only thing funny was that one of the characters talked like a caveman. The only improvement I would make is in the introduction, for example: "This story involves the assassination of the POTUS and a football game, with deadly consequences, seen through the eyes of 4 people: Luis, Chad, Rufus and Jimmy.". That's my review. Enjoy!
From Shabidoo[edit | edit source]
| Creativity | Humour | Originality | Total |
|---|---|---|---|
| 9/10 | 3/10 | 9/10 | 21/30 |
Jesus Christ what a long article! Do you think I'm an unemployed guy with belly lint living with his mom? I don't have all day. Zheesh!
Very much like the football commentary grunt. Funny. I wonder what the article would have been like if it was completely in commentary grunt.
The humour though...I have to say...is a little weak. I found these lines funny:
- Announcerman say Chad arm like nuclear cannon. Chad throw ball like nuclear missle. Chad like announcer. Chad like throw ball hard.
- and still Chad Brunswick continues to look for someone open to throw the ball to!
- Some Mexicans are trying to kill the president! I love you. So happy you are safe in Seattle. Call me!"
- The caption under Donald Trump
- Teammates yell. "Chad stop!" Chad no stop. Chad life football. Ball glows. Chad feel sick. Chad must throw ball.
- "What kind of black magic is this?! Ladies and gentlemen, the football is glowing white hot! This is insanity!
- Vice president Palin was sworn into office later that day.
- Rufus Bojangles
Just like a movie meme, the immigration game, the thriller with the president, the football announcements, the multiperspective narrative, the multiple stories (at different speeds) and the first person narration throughout. Per sheer creativity and originality I give you super high marks.
Consider the painful and difficult craft of slicing away material. It's difficult to do so...but if you had...your humour to content ratio would have been higher and I think it would have been a stronger article. Over all though...splenderific awesome article. ShabiDOO 15:32, 3 August 2015 (UTC)
From THS[edit | edit source]
| Score |
|---|
| 8/10 |
Interesting concept, but very long. I agree with the other guys, trim down the words and it would be perfect. Got me laughing a few times, though. Reminds me of Dr. Strangelove, and anything that reminds me of a Kubrick movie is pretty good to me. ~[ths] UotM 
05:55, 08/05/2015
Grand Total[edit | edit source]
71.5/100