User:Shabidoo/happymonkeycompetition/2012/PuppyOnTheRadio

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Happy Monkey Competition 2012

Pee reviews for: PuppyOnTheRadio

Article: Big Butte Creek

Pee Review from Shabidoo

Creativity: 8/10

Very creative, you've done some pretty unexpected and thoughtful things in this article, of all of the articles, yours has the most twists and moments where I was caught off guard and laughed. Heres a run down of the article and what I personally saw as very creative and things to consider:

  • The absurditites about the sources and direction of the creek. Great idea. You may consider replacing "final destination" or qualifying it with what that exactly is. Its a super great place to put something funny, though unfortunately nothing great comes to mind but as an example, you could use "where the dirty mountain water merges into the crispy blue satly seawater" or "where the creek water was always destined for, a destiny that lies at the moment of finality, its final destination if you please", or something along that line. In anycase, it feels like theres a missing joke there. Consider describing Jackass creek in a special way, as it seems a little corny by itself, examples would include "The creek where people are paid money to film testicle destroying stunts and teeth losing truth or dares" or something even more subtle.
  • Course: Kind of southish (funny). I like the single word "much" at the end of the sentence. You have a skill for minimal prose and getting a point across with economy and "get to the point" narrative. I like the adjectives you use to describe the big Bute mountain (consider adding: that the mountain and the creek came to be named Big bute, but for two totally different reasons.) What those are you'd have to figure out, though I think it would fit in well with the following sentence about the coincidence of the Bigbute watershed, being the watershed of the big bute creek, which made me laugh. The last paragraph is pretty funny, but much like "jack ass" you should consider qualifying "hell town", give a reason for it to be there other than the fact that its name is ironic or silly.
  • Discharge: I don't really see much humour yet in this section. I had a couple ideas that might inspire you:
    • In the years recorded section, consider mentioning all the years that records were made (listing lots and lots of years, and leaving out a few due to something (like the iraq war, or because people were distracting during the good seasons of saturday night live, or something more clever.
    • Consider listing dozens of the different tributaries of the creeks with near identical information with a couple absurd entries.
    • Minimum flow and maximum flow is a potential gold mine for laughs (if its done tastefuly)
  • History: Nice use of nobody cares, its become nearly impossible to use that well in a new article. I would suggest making the "non peaceful manner" a little more subtle. For instance:
    • American tribes were resettled to Indian reservations on land well distanced from gold mines in a peaceful manner. Those who forgot to resettle with their fellow Indians were asked to do so in a slightly less peaceful manner. At times and ocassionaly some coersion, friendly kidnapping, the use of kindling and lighter fluid and the odd ending of a life or two helped the land transfer finish smoothyl. The discovery of gold and the peaceful relocation or slaughter were completely unrelated events.
  • Consider mentioning that the Natives are paid to mine the Asbestos in some funny way.
  • Pullutants: The first sentence is pretty funny and the whole second paragraph was witty and made me laugh.
  • Flora and fauna: I like the fir-iest idea though it comes across just a little too corny for me. Do you think there is a way to keep the idea there, but execute it in a way that's unexpected? I love the final paragraph, I wouldn't change anything about it. Very well done!
Originality: 7/10

I give you high points for originality. The content of the article is really stuff that hasn't been done before and you seem to branch out into many different sub topics without losing a flow and maintaning a high amount of originality throughout. I particularly like the ideas of the: native resettling, the spotted owl and the bi polar direction of the flow of the creeks.

Cleverness: 8/10

The article is totally loaded with cleverness, especially the turns taken at the end of some sentences where the joke is let lose:

  • which does its best to remain unspotted
  • Surrounding Big Butte Creek is the Big Butte Creek Watershed, which is amazingly coincidental.
  • In short, it doesn't go uphill. Much.
  • which makes it extremely normal in the regards that most creeks do this as well,

and ofcourse several more.

Content and Images: 7/10

Your narrative is solid, I like your writing style. The images are good and with good captions, though I think with a longer and better search you could find non-stock images, something that isn't expected. I particularly like the diagram of the forking of the creek, it has a really great caption to go along with it.

Points for whatever reason: 8/10

I give you 8 points for clearly putting a fair bit of conceptualising, writing of some complex humour and good formatting and putting out an incomplete, but well constructed article for what there is. You also made me laugh, which always deserves extra points. Of all the articles, I think you have the highest percentage of content which stands good the way it is in my opinion and needs the least reworking of material, ideas or execution of ideas. NICE WORK!

Final Score: 38/50

For an incomplete article, I give you a pretty high score. Finally, do consider strengthening the concept in the article a little more. It seems to be about some creek thats totally unimportant, but the people around it consider it special, because its theres, and thats what anyone would do. If that is your concept, do consider finding a way to write that into all the sections, and if its not the over all concept of the article, consider having one, even if its just copying the formal style of a wikipedia article. Come to my talk page if theres anything here you didn't quite get, if you want me to rearticulate something, ideas, complaints, a friendly ear to help you through your personal problems or if you want to order a Russian bride. Im always available.

Thanks for participating and turning out a good article

Comments:

{{{Comments}}}

Score and Comments from Wilytank[edit]

4/10 I don't see a lot of stuff here that's actually funny. Spotted Dick? Jackass creek? Yes I get the joke; it just wasn't that funny. --Wilytank can be a pain in the ass. 12:29, February 17, 2012 (UTC)

Joke? Pup 02:36 19 Feb '12

Score and Comments from PopGoesTheWeasel[edit]

6.5/10

Score and Comments from Mattsnow[edit]

8.5/10

I liked it a lot, and I'm sure that with a little more content this could very well be a "best of the month" contender. A 8.5 for now, could have easily been a 9 if it would have been a little longer. Talk Mattsnow 18:37, February 13, 2012 (UTC)

Score and Comments from Joe9320[edit]

7.1/10

Score and Comments from Chief[edit]

8/10

I liked this one a lot more than I was anticipating, I have to concur with Mattsnow when he speaks about the length, otherwise it's a good piece of work.

Final Score[edit]

72.1/100