User:ScottBurnan/The X Factor (UK Series 5)

The X Factor

Judges Simon Cowell Louis Walsh Dannii Minogue Cheryl Cole Sharon Osbourne Presenter Dermot O'Rly Vocal Coaches Eevee Tom DeLonge Stephen Hawking Choreographers Brian Friedman Brian Boitano Jet Li Voice-overs Movie Trailer Announcer Guy

“This is the most important performance of my life, it is literally make or break ... etc.”

~ Every finalist before every performance.

“This means the world to me. To go home now, when I'm so close, will just be devastating ... etc.”

~ Every contestant, every week.

“We're just friends!”

~ Gohan on Diana.

“I dedicate this song to my dead wife.”

~ Daniel Evans before every song.

“Meie lil Deiyaenna Vikkas!”

~ Cheryl Cole on Diana.

The fifth UK series of the British advertising campaign Reality TV "talent" competition The X Factor was broadcast on ITV in autumn 2008.

Cheryl's Girls

Diana.

Diana Viclaws

"Little Diana from Blackburn" (17) is the illegitimate love child of a hippy chick and a lobster.

Songs butchered performed:

With or Without the Claw

I Fought the Claw (And the Claw Won)

Corned Beef

I'm Not a Lobster, Not Quite a Human

Help, It Bloody Hurts

Simon's Boys

Gohan cries over his "friend's" exit.

Gohan

Gohan (3) is a humanoid rodent like creature from the planet Northern Ireland.

Songs butchered performed:

The Hamster Dance

Dirty Diana

Little Willy

The Bad Touch

Does Your Boyfriend Know?

Scott Bruton

Austin at Simon's house.

Austin Drage

Songs butchered performed:

Rooftops

I Don't Love You

My Heart

Ohio is for Lovers¹

• ¹ Was knocked out by a bottle thrown from the crowd midway through the song, an act which won the show a British Comedy Award!

Dannii's Old People

Paris's kids show support for mum.

Paris Hilton

Paris (27) is a mom-of-god-knows-how-many from London. She had her first child at the age of 8 and her life spiralled out of control. She turned to drugs at age 10, while pregnant with octuplets, and spent some time in prison at age 14. Eventually, two-thirds of her children (pictured) were taken into care. For a more detailed look at her life, simply read Amy Winehouse's biography backwards.

Songs butchered performed:

I Know I'm No Good

Smooth Criminal

Rehab

Daniel Evans

Songs butchered performed:

Never Gonna Give You Up¹

• ¹ A live Rick Roll.

Ruth Lorenzo

Songs butchered performed:

Take My Breath Away¹

99 Red Balloons²

Knocking on Heavens Door³

Through the Fire and the Flames⁴

Always⁵

• ¹ Performed partially in Spanish
• ² Performed partially in German
• ³ Performed partially in French
• ⁴ Performed partially in Russian
• ⁵ By Blink 182

Louis' "Bands"

JLS

JLS (Just Lousy Singers) consists of four black Martio-Earthican people named Aston, JB, Oritse and Marvin.

Fat Slags