User:Quill/Teh Bibel
Teh Bibel is a 5-time award winning short story of the final chapters of the Bible. Written by Lee Harvey Oswald and Richard Nixon during the Great Depression after they were given a memorial dream depicting the final three chapters that needed to be written into the Bible. Yet, because of the stuck-up bitchez that have copy-right laws over the Bible they were forced to write another book entitled Teh Bibel.
Chapter I[edit | edit source]
The somber man stepped forth on the battle field "For the Horde!" chanted the opposing forces facing them. He closed his eyes, picturing his family back at home, for this was the end for him. Who was this man? JESUZ BITCHEZZ! Rushing forth with a broad sword in one hand an M60 in the other he jumped into the crowds of monsters whom were there to battle. He was alone... but not for long, the sound of his battle cry sturred his allies into rushing to the field of battle to aid him. "It's time to face... MAI AXE BITCHEZZ!!." Gimli the dwarf, alongside his other comrades of, Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan. They all came out of nowhere lightning fast and they began to brawl with the monsters... was this it for the heros? Tune in later.
Chapter II[edit | edit source]
After the extremely orgasmic battle against the opposing forces our heroes entered the Halls of the Nigger to hunt down the demonic presence creating these pieces of shit. Gimli sighed "Ffs my l33t br0z b4 h0es whre teh fauck is dis'qu33r? He r ab00t 2 gat teh shARep endz o' MAI AXE BITCHEZZ!" The halls went quiet. "Quiet down Gimli you will awake the niggers..." said Jesus. "Fauck u ur n unl33t now." Then suddenly a sound erupt, a screaming. "CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN!" "WATERMELON WATERMELON WATERMELON" "GHETTO ASS GHETTO ASS GHETTO ASS" "BAGGY CLOTHES BAGGY CLOTHES BAGGY CLOTHES" And then the company fell silent. "WE'VE AWOKEN THE NIGGERS TO TEH CAVERZN." Quickly they retreated to the cavernz and bolted the door shut with used chicken bones. Would our heros survive? Tune in next chapter?
Chapter III[edit | edit source]
The battle chanted continued to sound from the Niggers. "Everyone get READY!" BOOM! The doors busted open and there stood the most revolting blackies ever. Jesus let loose his holy powers. Gimli used HIS AXE BITCHEZZ. But the they were over-run... it was hopeless. Until suddenly down from the heavens decended John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald. This ultimate tag team duo quickly made short work of Nigger Lincoln and JFK. With there leaders destroyed the Niggers retreated. "We won..." The company cheered, but was cut short as the master of the Niggers entered the room, he was the one summoning the demons in the first place. "S() w3 m33t aT laest" Said gimli. Rushing him he was shot back from a large shot of C(_)M. "Oi!" But Jesus put on his shades as attacked him matrix style rapin' dat ass. They won and teh bibel ended well... so we think
The Remainder[edit | edit source]
Even though it won the many awards Teh Bibel seemingly had over 30 more chapters that had been ripped out. They seemed to be lost forever... yet a recent excavation team was sent out to try and recover some... who knows if they will.