User:Lyrithya/UnBooks:Transcript of an Expedition into Illogicopedia
Illogicopedia, often abbreviated ?pedia by its inhabitants, is an encyclopaedia wiki devoted, as its name would suggest, to illogic. But what began as an 'insane repository of words put together in no particular order' has, in the years since its creation, gradually developed into an insane repository of words put together in some particular order, just not much of an order. As with most wikis, Illogicopedia has followed the whims of both its creators and of the community as a whole. Though it began simply enough, it was the userbase that pushed, molded and recreated it to become what it is today: disorder, madness and bananas. Oddly, the sheer multitude of bananas has gone to such extremes that thus far, it is in fact the only active wiki in existence[1] to contain more fruit than registered users.
The project purports to take a surrealistic approach to its subjects, ranging across anything from Cockbeast to Existance to I don't know what to write, accepting anything that falls within the bounds of illogic and a short list of completely contradictory guidelines. Even the programming of the wiki follows this approach, operating so loosely within the bounds of wikicoding that it has even been known to at times completely lose touch with its own database. Thus the questions arise - what sort of madness is it, really, that would take on the title of surreal? What else is there beyond simple randomness? Who are the people behind the bananas, and how do they operate, and where, even, did all of the bananas come from? What manner of database would actually call itself 'Roberto'?[2]
It was decided that there could only be one way to find out, one way to understand the illogic and the madness and the bananas that is Illogicopedia: to cast aside all semblance of safety and pass through the gates of madness ourselves, to form an expedition and enter the realm of Illogicopedia in full.
This is the story of what we discovered.
Bananas[edit | edit source]
BananasWith some trepidation and much excitement, our expedition set out into the unknown waters of Illogic. What little we did know jaded our expectations, filling our minds with elaborate daydreams and imagined possibilities; we knew there would be bananas and we knew there would be madness and our minds filled in many details, but that still could not prepare us for the sheer madness as greeted us upon our arrival.
There were bananas everywhere. No reason or sensibility about it, just bananas. Everywhere, in every corner, on every surface, in every available space. But the madness itself was by no means limited to bananas; they were merely the most prominent manifestation, and the most colourful. As we began to explore and document our findings, our minds adjusted past the multitude of bananas to the assorted babblings, frenzies, and insanity at every turn. Suddenly, we began to notice other madnesses, smaller, quieter, more familiar, and ever so much more disconcerting. Everything was the same... and yet everything was different.[3] Yet while so much looked so similar, this most certainly was not home. Just an alien land, insane and haunting, and we we there to study, to understand.[4]
But the day had worn down, forcing our expedition to put aside its excitement, at least for a little while, and find shelter. So we set inland, seeking a suitable clearing...
And then we met the locals.
The people[edit | edit source]
The inhabitants of Illogicopedia were an odd lot, rather, indeed, illogical. Coming over the high ridge, the first we heard of the people themselves we almost mistook for insects burring in the wind. It was a low word, repeated, 'fnurdle', or perhaps it was 'fnurdletoot', but either way, it was a most disconcerting noise upon first notice, although it later became familiar, almost as if literally growing on us.[5] But amidst the fnurdle, we began to make out other words as we approached. 'Ebil Wikia' - so some things are the same throughout. 'The cake is a lie.' Odd. 'Roberto is at it again.' Roberto? Mind, this was the first we had heard of their server, that great up-chucking mountain prone to trouble and intrigue, just a name, at this point. Just a name among the other babblings and mutterings drifting in the evening breeze, accompanied by the crackling of the fire and the frogs singing and soft roar of the surf. So far, it was all just names.
And suddenly they were before us, clad in virulent hues of lavender and yellow and green... even one bore slashes of orange and green. They welcomed us, introduced themselves, said some incredibly strange things of which we had no idea what to make, and invited us to stay. And how could we decline? We were there to learn of them, and there they were, in all, or at least some, of their glory.
The greatest[edit | edit source]
Our expedition was surprised by just how friendly and open the Illogicopedians were, at least at first.[6] They put us up for the time being, welcomed us to share in all that was theirs, and satisfied that we had properly introduced ourselves, invited us from the start to take part in everything, almost as if we had been of their from the start. Almost as if they knew we would always belong to them after this.
Indeed, much the same could be said of most any society - there are the leaders, the followers, the dreamers, and of course the inevitable downers and troublemakers. It would be incomplete without them, for a society without conflict invariably grows stagnant; it is simply the way of things.
I also forgot to mention how we took note of the greatest Illogicopedia user of all time, Readmesoon.
We should have known. It is impossible to venture into the madness and not take some of it back with us, and I do not mean in words. It changed us. The longer we stayed, the more we understood, the more bananas we accumulated, the more we could never return to that which we were.
Scribbles[edit | edit source]
- ↑ If there was to be established a main-stream wiki devoted entirely to fruit, this would probably not be the case. But apparently only highly illogical people actually like fruit that much.
- ↑ Upon investigating a lead in which an Uncyclopedian described Illogicopedia as being "run by a goat on a treadmill," it was soon discovered that while there was no actual goat, the database itself is prone to random outbursts of florid gibberish in which it calls itself 'Roberto'. Is this a case of digital sentience, perhaps? Unfortunately, Roberto was less than agreeable and we couldn't actually determine anything concrete.
- ↑ Although the gods may differ and the realm itself is as alien as the stars above, the mind likes to make connections, put the familiar together. It still haunts me.
- ↑ Which, in retrospect, was not such a good idea, this understanding. Some things are best left misunderstood.
- ↑ It came to be welcome, even, and by the time we departed, it... it was a part of us. We left the place, but the place never left us; one never can leave. Fnurdle.
- ↑ Perhaps they were just trying to make a good first impression, but they actually came across as strangely normal, as well as pleasant and welcoming. Aside from their odd laziness, the fact that they hailed from the land of illogic could almost have been merest coincidence.