User:Kippy/Antarctica
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
South Pole, Antarctica -- While many believe civilization as we know it will soon come to an end, we at UnNews went to the very End of the World: The South Pole. We're visiting the camp of the revolutionary leftists group Deep Cold Resistence and discuss their plans to created an anarchist commune out of the entire continent of Antarctica.
Here we meet with DCR's founder, spokesperson and polar scientist Dr. Kelvin Thomson to interview him on concept and strategy.
How did you come up with the idea to bring anarchy to Antarctica?
- It came to me one night in a dream, and it just seemed to make sense. There's already no government and no civilization here. It's pretty much already in a state of anarchy; it just needs some fucking people.
- Really, what better place is there to build a new world? Plus, we want to give the current world antidote to that slavemaster pig Santa Claus at the North.
Why couldn't you have done this on any of the other continents? It would seem more practical to instigate revolution where people actually live, where the weather is hospitable. Most of humanity lives in the Northern Hemisphere.
- Naw, everyone's already doing that. We wanted to do something different. Anything near or above the equator is too mainstream.
It says here you have a Ph.D in mathematics and theoretical physics. How does that influence your politics?
- Well, besides the fact that I follow Marx's materialist interpretation of the world, I generally like to compare politics to thermodynamics and temperature. Society can be measure by degrees of oppression, coercion, unfreedom and inegalitarianism. Capitalism is a warming agent, leading modern liberal democracy slowing warming up to Fascism. Meanwhile, a pure, utopian anarchist society would be near Absolute Zero. In other words, true freedom lies in the extreme cold.
- This is more than mere metaphor. Look at the effects of climate change and the warming of the Earth's climate. While the rest of the world goes to Hell, we've come to Anarctica!
What specific form of anarchism do you wish to achieve?
- Communist. We call it Antarcto-Communism. Although, since there's no industry or agriculture here, we'll have to start from scratch. Fortunately, we think the extreme climate is the perfect environment for a radically cooperative society. There should be plenty of penguins to hunt and eat for the new world.
So you're anti-capitalism?
- Damn straight! These greedy, suit-wearing aristocrats just love being on top the world. Well, look at us, bitches. We're at the very bottom!
What is your strategy here? How do see this as revolutionary?
- Well, we'll live hear for the rest of our days and create a utopian society. Other people will hear about it and be all like, "Hey, that place sounds cool. Let's go live there," and then it will grow. They'll start a trade and, eventually, it'll be an inhabited continent and the rest of the world will soon follow our model.
So, you're following the blueprint of the Pilgrims who came to North America?
- Dude, not cool! Try "Indigenous peoples who travelled into North America tens of thousands of years before those turkey-eating pirates did". If anything, we're Eskimos.
Okay, you're Eskimos.
- Thank you.
Following my interview with Mr. Thomson, I went Christmas shopping at the South Pole's official gift shop. I bought some penguin dolls and a snow globe. Just some cheap crap to make my girlfriend's kids happy. Personally, I think communism can't come sooner.